Discussion Why do I feel like I'm not depressed though I've been diagnosed with it? Am I the only one?

[cocoseal]

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 13, but It honestly all started a 9 after being S/A. I don't know but for some reason I disagree that I'm depressed. I know I want to ctb but I truly don't feel depressed. When I want to ctb its like episodes of me wanting to and trying to (currently in one). I cut myself I have been cutting since 11 years old. Back then I cut because my groomer had a fetish for it so I would send him pics of it, from there I cut to get away from reality.
It helped me it was truly my escape from sadness. As I've grown older I still cut myself but not really out of sadness and anger and I don't cut to kill myself. When I cut its more of getting the cut deep and I guess to get pity from people I desire strongly attention from others. So I don't really think that has much with me being depressed. Maybe I'm just fucking retarded. I feel like my depression tends to come and go. That's probably how it works I don't know. Am I the only one? I tell others about it and they just say I'm stupid and I'm depressed but I don't know

 

[divinemistress36]

Sounds more like ptsd than clinical depression maybe?

 

[MarkSmith73]

No. But a lot just depends on circumstances. The better things are the less depressed I am.

 

[Embalmer]

I feel the same way, I was also diagnosed with depression around 13 and started cutting at around 10, however, even though mine is considered chronic I barely notice it or actually feel depressed. Maybe you relate, but for me I simply have just gotten "used to everything", so a lower mood and general disinterest in everyday activities I once enjoyed is the new normal mood that I don't see any issue with. However this is still technically depression, we just learn to kinda normalize the everyday lows to make it easier to live with and ignore, only for it to get worse or less tolerable in waves like you mentioned with it coming and going.

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 13, but It honestly all started a 9 after being S/A. I don't know but for some reason I disagree that I'm depressed. I know I want to ctb but I truly don't feel depressed. When I want to ctb its like episodes of me wanting to and trying to (currently in one). I cut myself I have been cutting since 11 years old. Back then I cut because my groomer had a fetish for it so I would send him pics of it, from there I cut to get away from reality.
It helped me it was truly my escape from sadness. As I've grown older I still cut myself but not really out of sadness and anger and I don't cut to kill myself. When I cut its more of getting the cut deep and I guess to get pity from people I desire strongly attention from others. So I don't really think that has much with me being depressed. Maybe I'm just fucking retarded. I feel like my depression tends to come and go. That's probably how it works I don't know. Am I the only one? I tell others about it and they just say I'm stupid and I'm depressed but I don't know

For me the numbness is a sign it's time to go

 

[GreenOctober]

Doctor not always right ooga booga