'Why didn't they ask for help?' Poll

[Forever Sleep]

It's a question that so often seems to be asked after a suicide. I thought it would be interesting to see just how many of us HAVE asked for help... I'd say any 'official' source counts- a helpline, your doctor, a therapist- even being sectioned. Maybe not just telling friends and family though.

I suppose I'm hoping this will prove that lots of people DO in fact seek some kind of 'professional' treatment- it's just that- for whatever reason, it doesn't always work.

Also- whether it was with full disclosure- ie. you were open and honest about wanting to end your life. I imagine many people try to hide this element to some degree- for fear of being incarcerated against their will. Slightly off topic- but- do you think perhaps they could have helped you more if you had felt comfortable in being honest? (Without fear of being sectioned.)

As for me- I did reach out when I was at uni. A few sessions with the college therapist and a course of Fluoexetine. (Prozac.) I didn't directly tell them I was suicidal but it's on that form they get you to fill in anyway. Maybe not explicitly though- thoughts of harming yourself is how they phrased it. The Prozac didn't seem to do much but the therapist was actually pretty good. I just didn't feel comfortable with it- so cancelled it after a few sessions.

 

[jodes2]

I didn't have a problem being sectioned, I needed it and the experience was actually pretty ok

 

[vultureilse]

i never really asked for help out of my own will but when i was underage i was forced into therapy many many times and hospitalized twice. there were times where i wasnt honest at all but other times i thought that if im already here i might try getting better

that never ended up working. id say i had bad experience with the majority of therapists i went to. most of them were judgemental, condescending and just werent making effort in order to understand me. there were a few nice ones but even with them i didnt feel safe with being completely honest because of bad past experience and the risk of getting hospitalized again. i definitely think it would be more helpful for me if i was able to be honest about being suicidal but even then i dont think therapy would do much for me

as for meds ive tried many, im currently on antidepressants but they never do much. i feel less depressed but not any less suicidal. though this just makes me more sure that this is the choice i want to make so ig im glad for that

 

[TAW122]

I answered yes, because when I was younger, I did see multiple MHPs throughout childhood, adolescence, and even early adulthood. While I don't currently see any MHPs, haven't seen any in the recent year or so, and don't plan to, my experiences were that they weren't really helpful towards my situation. I too, am always cautious about what I share because I know that they are mandated reporters and will not risk getting sectioned, detained against my will, or forced intervention/treatment against my wishes. I know that I will CTB by my own hand at some point in my life (that is inevitable, barring other causes out of my control that take my life before I do - e.g. natural disasters, health issues at late age (hopefully I don't live into my midlife or elderly years and die young), other tragedies or disasters, etc.).

 

[BroodingBleu]

I believe my therapist and I had a mutual understanding during my last session. I was upfront and told her that I was going to tell her some things about my mental state [keyword some]. I ensured her I was aware about her responsibilities as a mandated reporter but I also told her that if she were to relay these things to anyone, that she would effectively not only ruin my career, but also what little of my life I have left.

That being said, I told her that I've been suffering from ideations my entire life, and that I had attempted in the past. however, I also informed her that my job gives me something to live for, which was a total lie, but it kept her at ease. I feel as thought you can share, but not overshare, which is kind of sad, but what can you do to avoid ruining your life?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I believe my therapist and I had a mutual understanding during my last session. I was upfront and told her that I was going to tell her some things about my mental state [keyword some]. I ensured her I was aware about her responsibilities as a mandated reporter but I also told her that if she were to relay these things to anyone, that she would effectively not only ruin my career, but also what little of my life I have left.

That being said, I told her that I've been suffering from ideations my entire life, and that I had attempted in the past. however, I also informed her that my job gives me something to live for, which was a total lie, but it kept her at ease. I feel as thought you can share, but not overshare, which is kind of sad, but what can you do to avoid ruining your life?

That's very sensible I think. Let them know how badly you feel but not to the point where they feel compelled to section you. It's just very strange though really. Imagine going to the doctors with a broken arm and saying- 'I think it's just bruised...' How can they even help if they don't know the full story?

 

[BroodingBleu]

That's very sensible I think. Let them know how badly you feel but not to the point where they feel compelled to section you. It's just very strange though really. Imagine going to the doctors with a broken arm and saying- 'I think it's just bruised...' How can they even help if they don't know the full story?

You make a very valid point. I've been weighing my options this last month as I wait for my next appointment, as I've effectively lost the ability to take care of basic functions in my day-to-day outside of going to work and coming home.

In March, I've been thinking I might tell them all up front, and just let my career fail with the hopes I can pick up the pieces if I can get "better" afterwards. Its a huge gamble, but it might be necessary too I suppose.

 

[bunnii]

For some reason, no matter what I do or say, my therapist isn't sectioning me. I've told her how I plan to cut myself, I've told her that I made an attempt the night before, I've told her I have nothing to live for. She just brushes it off, gives me a new acronym to memorize, and tells me to come back next week. Honestly I'm starting to think she only cares about the money she's making off me.
Some part of me feels super invalidated that I've never been hospitalised, but I'm mostly glad that I've never been locked up because I don't know how long I would have to stay for and I've heard some serious horror stories about hospital wards (where I'd be going). I just don't feel listened to no matter how loudly I call for help.

 

[Gaga786]

Seeking help is what exacerbated my issues. I was being bullied a lot in school, so I did visit a psychiatrist– not that I needed it, just for my own mental sake in hopes of finding a cure to my low mood(no thoughts of suicide or self harm). What followsd next was a 15 min visit where my doctor didn't even assess my symptoms and just prescribed fluoxetine(I was 13 at the time). She stated that my life will ameliorate as a result of taking that medication. Right after taking it, I became suicidal and began self harming myself. I was admitted in a psych ward at the age of 14 with fully grown and matured men. My experience was horrific. That inflicted immense trauma, and the doctor stated that she does this to everyone to teach them a lesson so we don't harm ourselves again. I took that medication for 5 years despite my deteriorating condition. Now im 20 and suffer from recurring suicidal ideation. In my case I believe I had a medically induced depression which intensified my symptoms. That doctor is winning all sorts of awards for her supposed outstanding work In child psychiatry. It tears me up seeing what she did

 

[WaitingToGo]

Hearing about the situation in other countries I would definitely have been sectioned had I disclosed what I've disclosed to my own doctor and emergency crisis team. I don't even know if they do that here in NL
But I wanted to tell them the whole truth about how I was feeling and that I could ctb anytime I liked With the left over pills I have. Had I been sectioned that would have been my career over with. It's almost over now but that's due to retirement.

 

[Amnesiaisalloverme]

Seeking help is what exacerbated my issues. I was being bullied a lot in school, so I did visit a psychiatrist– not that I needed it, just for my own mental sake in hopes of finding a cure to my low mood(no thoughts of suicide or self harm). What followsd next was a 15 min visit where my doctor didn't even assess my symptoms and just prescribed fluoxetine(I was 13 at the time). She stated that my life will ameliorate as a result of taking that medication. Right after taking it, I became suicidal and began self harming myself. I was admitted in a psych ward at the age of 14 with fully grown and matured men. My experience was horrific. That inflicted immense trauma, and the doctor stated that she does this to everyone to teach them a lesson so we don't harm ourselves again. I took that medication for 5 years despite my deteriorating condition. Now im 20 and suffer from recurring suicidal ideation. In my case I believe I had a medically induced depression which intensified my symptoms. That doctor is winning all sorts of awards for her supposed outstanding work In child psychiatry. It tears me up seeing what she did

I have a similar experience in terms of getting admitted to a ward except I wal always a rebel n knew these meds just making me worse so never committed for a longer period. Doctors in Pakistan suck even more

 

[LaVieEnRose]

It was imposed on me. No, it didn't help.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Seeking help is what exacerbated my issues. I was being bullied a lot in school, so I did visit a psychiatrist– not that I needed it, just for my own mental sake in hopes of finding a cure to my low mood(no thoughts of suicide or self harm). What followsd next was a 15 min visit where my doctor didn't even assess my symptoms and just prescribed fluoxetine(I was 13 at the time). She stated that my life will ameliorate as a result of taking that medication. Right after taking it, I became suicidal and began self harming myself. I was admitted in a psych ward at the age of 14 with fully grown and matured men. My experience was horrific. That inflicted immense trauma, and the doctor stated that she does this to everyone to teach them a lesson so we don't harm ourselves again. I took that medication for 5 years despite my deteriorating condition. Now im 20 and suffer from recurring suicidal ideation. In my case I believe I had a medically induced depression which intensified my symptoms. That doctor is winning all sorts of awards for her supposed outstanding work In child psychiatry. It tears me up seeing what she did

I'm so sorry. That sounds like a horrendous experience. That seems so young to be put on drugs. Especially ones that mess with the brain. I don't know- it just doesn't seem right to me. Considering we're not officially allowed to smoke and drink till 16/18- it feels like it ought to be a similar thing with mood altering drugs. Of course- there will always be some severe cases but it doesn't sound like you presented with severe symptoms.

Sometimes I wonder if these doctors are themselves pressured to push out certain medications. I don't really like taking drugs. When doctors have asked me and I've replied that I only take paracetamol now and again and vitimins- they seem shocked. Like that's not normal!

I have heard that in the past- that people do sometimes become more suicidal after taking drugs- or at least, more likely to act on the thoughts. That must have been terrible though- and the further experiences that followed- this doctor sounds so utterly heartless. No wonder it hurts so much to see how revered she is. I wonder how many other young lives she screwed up.

I know they're only human. I suppose they do realise what a heavy burden they carry- the good ones anyway. It was a doctor's misdiagnosis that likely cost my Mum her life though. He misdiagnosed a melanoma for just an agrevated mole. It was too late by the time any action was taken. Again, I can't help but wonder how many other people he misdiagnosed and how much it happens generally. Or like in your case- the treatment provided only makes things worse.

I get the impression mental health is FAR more hit and miss than physical illness. I suppose it is a newer science. What TRULY troubles me is that even the doctors and scientists don't seem to REALLY know what these drugs do- that's the impression I get anyway. How could they? I don't think they entirely understand how the brain works. Maybe it is the same with physical problems- I suppose all of our bodies are unique to some degree- perhaps they do all respond differently to drugs. It just seems that psychiatric drugs in particular affect people in vastly different ways. Fluoexetine didn't seem to make any difference to me- although I did only take one course. I just hate this idea of being a guinea pig- 'we'll try you on this' type thing. No you won't! Trouble is- by that time- we're likely feeling desperate- so we just blindly trust. I'm SO sorry for everything you went through.

 

[wr3ck3d]

I sought professional help, however it was at a time where my thoughts about ctb were lower than usual, as such I omitted it. I want to try again, but from what I've heard, getting a good psychologist or psychiatrist is hit and miss and I'd probably have to go through a couple to get to someone good, and right now I just don't have the resources for that.

 

[bubo]

i'm not shocked to see many *have* asked for help. i know for a fact, i, myself, have asked for help more times than i can count, i've been on 2 types of anti depressants, i've been to therapy, i've tried everything i can think of basically. it's not like anyone wants this after all, no one wants to be unhappy but instead we're simply unlucky enough to be like this, unlucky enough to be born.

 

[wr3ck3d]

I know that the person we sought help may not have been the most ideal. But I think this poll shows how many of us, despite asking for help, still end up here. I guess the help is not so helpful

 

[borderline-feline]

I've been seeing the same psychiatrist for over a decade, so we have a rapport built up. He knows about a lot of the shit that I've been through, and I've told him about my suicidal ideation as well as my multiple overdoses (both intentional and unintentional). He knows me well enough to know that hospitalizing me would be unethical, because he knows that I'm the kind of person who doesn't cooperate. I also told him that if I was committed to a psychiatric hospital, then I would start fights with people and provoke people in an attempt to possibly get beat to death (however unlikely it would be).

He also knows that I would get worse in a psychiatric hospital due to (among other things) the inability to access razors. If I can't shave, then I get violent. In general, I have anger and violence issues. He diagnosed me with all of the psychiatric disorders that I have and both of the neurological disorders that I have. He wants me to get better, but I don't think that I want to get better since I don't even enjoy being happy (if that makes any sense).

 

[wr3ck3d]

Interesting, maybe the fact that they are pro life because of their occupation while we are pro choice is what makes them unhelpful.

 

[VioletNight]

My parents never brought me to get help when I was a teenager, even though it was pretty obvious how little desire for life I had. Now as an adult I'm just too lethargic and overwhelmed with the everyday stuff that I can't even bring myself to try.

Doesn't help that I've always been afraid of being involuntarily committed somewhere if they find out about my suicidal ideation.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I went to therapy solely with the intent to just use it to vent. Did so for about 11 months, before realizing it was redundant. Tbh, I don't even know why I bothered. There was not really a net gain from doing so. Ofc while going to therapy, I had every intention to CTB eventually, and I still do even to this day.

 

[another@]

Yes I've asked. Maybe I am doing something wrong, because most of the time I get no response. Wouldn't it be great if someone could just tell me how to ask for help the 'right way' and everything would change.

 

[Next-to-Nil]

I've talked about it with professionals without ever outright admitting that it was about me. Mostly, as you've pointed out, from fear of being sectioned. I had a friend who was sectioned after a failed attempt and I visited them - in part because I cared for that friend, but to be honest it was mostly to see what I would be in for if I screwed up on my own try. The place was horrifying. I saw a guy get tackled down by the security because he was being disruptive, and a girl cry because her shoes wouldn't fit without the shoelaces they'd taken away so she had to walk around in socks. It was so dehumanizing I think it scared me away from anything short of something surefire, and discouraged me from contacting professionals to discuss the issue directly relating to me ever again.

 

[Gaga786]

I've talked about it with professionals without ever outright admitting that it was about me. Mostly, as you've pointed out, from fear of being sectioned. I had a friend who was sectioned after a failed attempt and I visited them - in part because I cared for that friend, but to be honest it was mostly to see what I would be in for if I screwed up on my own try. The place was horrifying. I saw a guy get tackled down by the security because he was being disruptive, and a girl cry because her shoes wouldn't fit without the shoelaces they'd taken away so she had to walk around in socks. It was so dehumanizing I think it scared me away from anything short of something surefire, and discouraged me from contacting professionals to discuss the issue directly relating to me ever again.

yes. It truly was the most traumatic experience I have ever endured. Ironically, it made me more suicidal

 

[Next-to-Nil]

yes. It truly was the most traumatic experience I have ever endured. Ironically, it made me more suicidal

That feels like a mood and a half... I'm sorry you went through that.

 

[hellispink]

It is not one business. the only time i tolda therapist anoyt wanting to go off, they locked me for 12 days and threatened me with needles .

 

[HumansAreHell]

I completely opened up to a therapist after growing up with family and friends who completely invalidated my feelings and it was the worst thing I could have done. Despite being able to talk to them rationally about my wanting to ctb they locked me up, kept reminding me that I had no rights while telling me I had no choice but to take the meds they forced on me. In a lot of ways this was a final straw for me. The meds only made me much worse and they didn't care in the slightest. It broke me knowing that not only can I not talk to those I love about how I genuinely feel but that I can't trust the "medical professionals" to help me when I really needed them to listen. At this point in my life I just don't have the capacity to feel like I'm a valid person anymore and literally the only people I can talk to are on this website. I think it's sad that our mental health system is so broken that our so called professionals can't understand basic things like invalidating people is bad for them. Seems like that should be basic psychology.

 

[Archness]

No, because it's way too scarry!

Really, at the end of the day, you're basicaly talking to a stranger with the "faith" that they'll somehow fix you. I have serious doubts about if that system could actually fix me. They could just about try to make you feel better through talking or medication and that's about it.

I've heard plenty of horror stories of how it can be ineffective of even backfire, and the financial costs are very high (us). I also can't really open up to a stranger IRL even if they're a "Licensed Professional". Honestly I have no one to talk about this stuff who isn't a Stanger (I basically shout into the darkness online).

I really wish there was someone with me, and we truely knew and understand eachother. They'd understand they can't fix me, but they can help me. That kind of person just isn't a therapist.

 

[DumbOnlineGirl]

My problem with therapists and stuff is that whenever I talked about my suicidal thoughts they'd just ask me "do you have anyone you can talk to if you feel that way?" and I'd usually lie and say yeah. Then they'd let me go home. The one time I told the truth, they just gave me a helpline number, even though I had severe anxiety and couldn't use the phone. The NHS is kinda useless imo.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Yes, I did try to get help multiple times. I was on 4 different meds, saw 4 different therapists, and here I am anyway. Only once was I ever hospitalized for wanting to die, and the experience there wasn't as horrible as it could've been, but that's probably because the people working there actually seemed like they gave a shit (but their billing department definitely didn't).

Unfortunately, after I left there and thought I was improving, everything crashed and burned a few months later. Multiple things happened all at once that almost made me kill myself back in 2018, but one of those involved my inability to pay the medical bill from when I was hospitalized earlier in the year. I got fired from the job I had then because I got pissed off and said something stupid, so I couldn't afford it. What happened then was the hospital (and later the collections agency) harassed me over the phone and sent threatening letters in the mail until I gave them the money they wanted. It just showed me how little they actually care for the well-being of their patients once they leave. As long as they get their pay checks, they can pat themselves on the back for "helping" someone.

By the time I did manage to get better employment and pay the medical bill, I definitely didn't feel any better about it. I still wanted to die, so I just stopped taking the meds. After my last therapist left me, the place I was going to tried to set me up with a new one, but I just ghosted them and never went back. It was a complete waste of time and money, and I probably would've been less suicidal if I had never tried getting help in the first place.

 

[HumansAreHell]

No, because it's way too scarry!

Really, at the end of the day, you're basicaly talking to a stranger with the "faith" that they'll somehow fix you. I have serious doubts about if that system could actually fix me. They could just about try to make you feel better through talking or medication and that's about it.

I've heard plenty of horror stories of how it can be ineffective of even backfire, and the financial costs are very high (us). I also can't really open up to a stranger IRL even if they're a "Licensed Professional". Honestly I have no one to talk about this stuff who isn't a Stanger (I basically shout into the darkness online).

I really wish there was someone with me, and we truely knew and understand eachother. They'd understand they can't fix me, but they can help me. That kind of person just isn't a therapist.

Sadly in the end I feel the same, you literally do have to have faith that the person actually knows that they are talking about. Which in my experience you can't really know what something is like unless you go through it yourself. Or at least most people aren't empathetic enough to put themselves in your shoes. The cost definitely makes it even more of a slap in the face on top of it..

I understand completely, that's all I've wanted as well. I'm not looking to be fixed. I'm not even sure it's possible but I do wish I had someone IRL I could open up to without judgement. I think that's something that could have made a big difference in my life.