Why did you fail?

[Ntothed]

If you have tried to ctb and failed please tell us why? The goal is to learn from people's failure to ctb and how to improve the process.

 

[Ch92921]

ehm? Survival Instinct.

 

[Whatiwantiswhatiwas]

4 overdoes.

Almost died the first time from amaptriline ended up in coma.

2 other ODs painkillers. Nothing happened.

Last one was mixture of benzos, sleeping meds and street drugs. Just slept for 4 days.

Absolute waste of time. ODs do not work.

 

[Othermind]

1. Partial suspension hanging is a shit method
2. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing and I wasn't fully committed

 

[Smilla]

My youth then , and not committed.

My last attempt was almost 20 years ago, and I think, for obvious and reasonable reasons, the SI instinct is much more difficult to overcome in youth.

 

[Ntothed]

ehm? Survival Instinct.

Man and women's biggest adversary

 

[Ch92921]

t

Man and women's biggest adversary

yes, true indeed.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

I found out the hard way that OTC med OD doesn't work. I blacked out and ended up waking up with a black eye and a broken TV among other things. I'd apparently gone on a rampage in my flat when I was blacked out and broke lots of stuff. So whatever you do don't OD on OTC meds.

 

[Rsuicidal]

ehm? Survival Instinct.

Every single time no matter what I did something to save myself.
Partial in a door, stood up after my refelection in a mirror terrifying me.
Other partial experiences were stopped due to screaming tinnitus or head pressure.
Overdoses; a few I just suffered through, one I made a call to poison control which ended in hospital.

 

[jumprope]

C

4 overdoes.

Almost died the first time from amaptriline ended up in coma.

How much did you take? What was the OD like?

I tried to OD (not on amitriptyline) on pain pills and was in the ICU for six days. I failed because I messed up the date/time in one of those sending-emails-later websites.

 

[RoadLessTraveled]

I haven't tried for about three years because I'm still looking for the perfect method and really do my research. I got caught last time because my parents found my internet history and found the pills I was stashing literally the day before I was gonna ctb anyways. Totally messy few weeks emotionally, probably messed me up more than I had been before. Won't go into much detail on this thread cuz I don't wanna derail anything, as I'm interested in hearing from everyone too.

Whatever happens don't get caught.

 

[TiredHorse]

Survival instinct with eb/N2. The method is not uncomfortable, not scary, proven reliable, should be relatively fast and peaceful but... Damn, SI can be strong.

Five fails in three months. Three of them on three weekends running. It's bloody exhausting.

And here I am now, staggering away from the bus stop. I wish I had a rational explanation for folks, but sometimes it just is what it is.

 

[Sick Boy]

A few years ago I tried partial,and i backed out because of the pain in my jaw and the pressure i felt in my head

 

[boredtodeath]

1. Partial suspension hanging is a shit method
2. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing and I wasn't fully committed

was thinking of going down the partial suspension route. whys it a shit method? mind elaborating?

 

[Ch92921]

was thinking of going down the partial suspension route. whys it a shit method? mind elaborating?

Not a shit methode

 

[21Neberg]

was thinking of going down the partial suspension route. whys it a shit method? mind elaborating?

I'm not the guy you replied to but I think I may have an answer. I read on this forum that partial suspension simply doesnt work for everyone because of their anatomy. For some people, their arterie is in such a position inside their neck that it is incredibly hard to close it.

 

[Whatiwantiswhatiwas]

C

How much did you take? What was the OD like?

I tried to OD (not on amitriptyline) on pain pills and was in the ICU for six days. I failed because I messed up the date/time in one of those sending-emails-later websites.

The one with amitriptyline I was only 11 years old. I can't recall the mg and the amount I took. All I can remember is falling asleep waking up 3 days later. I wouldn't recommend ODs it feels like the easiest method but it also so likely to fail. I wouldn't ever try again. Sorry to hear you also had a failed attempt.

 

[Moony21]

both were affect acts and not very thoughtful. I was only 18 and the second attempt with 20.

1. I jumped out of a driving car (90km/h)
2. I took 200mg of ambien Lying in the bathtub and hoping I drowned in my sleep

 

[dman12009]

I failed because I was too stupid to make sure my noose wouldn't come to loose. I had tried several times before with partial but backed out. For some reason for those few seconds I was at peace. It still hurt but the pain was so sweet in a way. I just remember kinda letting my body dangle and not even feeling the urge to save myself. Life was escaping me slowly. I blacked out. When I did my belt came loose from the door that I was swinging from. I awoke with the belt still wrapped around my neck laying on my floor. I was so sad because the one time I was brave enough to complete my suicide I loved. I have tried once or twice since then but instinct saves me. I want it to be over.

 

[RyanSuicide]

Partial hanging - Got delerious and started kicking. Put my arms up to remove the noose (which I did). Your body does not want you to die

 

[Titania]

The many times I attempted I had no idea there were better ways of cbt until I came to this site. Tried hanging but never could find a good place to hang from. Thought jumping off from a high place by going in the middle of the night at the parking garages would be a good plan but never mustered up the courage to attempt it. I learned that method from a college freshman who jumped and died last year RIP to him.

 

[LongSeason]

I wanted to hang myself but had drunk too much so I wasn't able to do it and so I gave up on it.
I still keep the rope hidden in my room just in case I finally decided to CTB once and for all.
In some ways it even feels reassuring knowing that you're probably going to die by your own hands.

 

[Death.]

I have failed in this quest as I could not strangle myself with the umbilcal cord during my short tenure in the warm, very warm ovum.

I am due to revisit this topic in due time... This time, I will be sure to involve the use of potent Sodium Pentobarbital and make full use of it's sweet, toxic effects. Yes, a bittersweet moment that will be...

 

[Death.]

I wanted to hang myself but had drunk too much so I wasn't able to do it and so I gave up on it.
I still keep the rope hidden in my room just in case I finally decided to CTB once and for all.
In some ways it even feels reassuring knowing that you're probably going to die by your own hands.

Indeed, one finds great power in directing the course of one's life... Even if one decides to lead one's life into a stop sign and cease to exist.

 

[Retched]

Partial = survival instinct.

Detergent suicide = misinformed on how much time it takes, not being secluded.

OD = not enough pills and wrong kind of pills.

 

[EmoIsNotAPhase]

Tied a belt around my neck and had closed it lost enough air that I passed out and I cane to to find the belt undone

 

[Jiva]

I didn't have courage for complete hanging, and during partial hanging the survival instinct won, because it was painful. I tried it several times. Next time i will not use any way, where the escape exists. If i will have courage for starting, i don´t want any next failure. My advice? Sure die in the first attempt. Next attempts are more pain. It is better to have some pains, but only one time.

 

[Whatshername]

Like most people, I have regrets. I have made some bad decisions, I have hurt people I Ioved. It was often unintentional, a consequence of lack of self awareness. If I could take some of it back, I would happily do so.

Ultimately though, it wouldn't change the spot I'm in now, as I didn't ask for severe depression, fibro and practically all my loved ones dying in the span of less than a decade. Regrets are useless in my case.

And now I'm blind too, posting it in the wrong thread. I'm doomed.

 

[Xerox]

Over 20 years ago, I failed at ODng a mass of pills I'd been hording. I recently failed at suspension hanging. I've been reading up on the great info here. However, I'm not at all mechanically minded, and the knowledge that I'm stuck here is too much to bear. I've been doing a lot of thinking about ethylene glycol. I'm hoping to find someone to bounce ideas off. ?

 

[John Smith]

Over 20 years ago, I failed at ODng a mass of pills I'd been hording. I recently failed at suspension hanging. I've been reading up on the great info here. However, I'm not at all mechanically minded, and the knowledge that I'm stuck here is too much to bear. I've been doing a lot of thinking about ethylene glycol. I'm hoping to find someone to bounce ideas off. ?

Why did you fail at full suspension?