Why did I have to survive sn

[Kayla]

In May of this year, I survived taking sn. I know exactly what I did wrong. I didn't take any antiemetics or benzos. I didn't fast, and I didn't measure out how much sn I was going to take. I still had a cardiac arrest, but why did I survive that? The survival rates of surviving a cardiac arrest are so low. People have said, "It wasn't my time," but I wanted it to be my time; I was so close to it being my time. Why did they have to save me when I clearly didn't want to be saved? When I see on here that people have successfully done it, I get jealous. Why wasn't that me? Now I have to live with regrets. I traumatized people that I love. Having constant reminders of what happened by the scars on my neck. Having my address and name flagged on systems. Being isolated because I reordered it. Not being trusted by anyone. All I wanted to do was find peace, and I fucked it up. The crisis team have put in their reports that "i'm looking forward to the future." Why are they lying? I have sn (they don't know about this one), I've written all my notes, and I have loads of different medications hoarded. I really hope that one day I will finally succeed and I won't be in this pain anymore. At least I was able to share my survival story on this site so people know what could happen.

 

[Obliviate]

oh no. I'm sorry you went throught that. Surviving a cardiac arrest is daunting. I hope you're recovering well. Do you mind sharing what steps you took/what occurred? Were you found?

 

[Kayla]

oh no. I'm sorry you went throught that. Surviving a cardiac arrest is daunting. I hope you're recovering well. Do you mind sharing what steps you took/what occurred? Were you found?

i literally just took some of the sn dumped it into a fanta lemon bottle, locked myself in the bathroom, and took it. Police were already outside my flat because someone had called them to say I had it. They put me in an air ambulance and to the hospital, where I had a cardiac arrest. I was in a coma for a few weeks before slowly coming around.

 

[bankai]

oh no. I'm sorry you went throught that. Surviving a cardiac arrest is daunting. I hope you're recovering well. Do you mind sharing what steps you took/what occurred? Were you found?

I survived taking Sn - My experience.

On the 16th of May I took sn. The police had been called because they knew I had it and I panicked and took it. I started turning blue but it was peaceful. I cant remember much from that day but I know i was sat in the bathroom. The air ambulance got called and I got air lifted to hospital, when...

sanctioned-suicide.net

This is OP's previous thread.

 

[............]

I remember reading your survival thread.

I am no medical professional so I'll hold back answering some of your questions here, I don't want to give false informations. But I think I can answer what you said here due to personal reasons:

I still had a cardiac arrest, but why did I survive that? The survival rates of surviving a cardiac arrest are so low.

Cardiac arrest can be reversed and you can be ''revived'' if help arrives quickly and effectively enough nowadays. That could also look differently if you were in the ''average heart disease risk age group'' but unless I confuse you for somebody else right now I remember you worded your original post like you were fairly young (or at least not at that age yet)? Even if I'm wrong, ''chances may be low, but never zero'', you know?

Well, other than that. May you find peace no matter which way you end up going in the end.

All I wanted to do was find peace, and I fucked it up. The crisis team have put in their reports that "i'm looking forward to the future." Why are they lying?

I can truly relate to this as well if it helps you.

 

[chek]

That's awful...best to be alone...but very difficult

 

[Galam]

I am sorry too. I think nobody wished for this result. I try to get cardiac arrest with spironolacton 25mg, and food and supplements with high potassium and hope everything happens fast and secure, but I maybe become homeless this year. I need to find a good place to die maybe in the forest. btw. OP another question, but is your avatar image Tamino Amir?

 

[Obliviate]

i literally just took some of the sn dumped it into a fanta lemon bottle,

I'm sorry I don't mean to be insensitive but this made me slight nose laugh and I don't laugh often. I sincerely have always wished I could just take SN with some soda. How did it taste? I wonder if that's why(other than being found)? It slowed down the absorption?

I survived taking Sn - My experience.

On the 16th of May I took sn. The police had been called because they knew I had it and I panicked and took it. I started turning blue but it was peaceful. I cant remember much from that day but I know i was sat in the bathroom. The air ambulance got called and I got air lifted to hospital, when...

sanctioned-suicide.net

This is OP's previous thread.

Ah thanks. I'll check it out.

 

[Kayla]

I remember reading your survival thread.

I am no medical professional so I'll hold back answering some of your questions here, I don't want to give false informations. But I think I can answer what you said here due to personal reasons:



Cardiac arrest can be reversed and you can be ''revived'' if help arrives quickly and effectively enough nowadays. That could also look differently if you were in the ''average heart disease risk age group'' but unless I confuse you for somebody else right now I remember you worded your original post like you were fairly young (or at least not at that age yet)? Even if I'm wrong, ''chances may be low, but never zero'', you know?

Well, other than that. May you find peace no matter which way you end up going in the end.



I can truly relate to this as well if it helps you.

i'm 20. The survival rate for it is still so low.

I am sorry too. I think nobody wished for this result. I try to get cardiac arrest with spironolacton 25mg, and food and supplements with high potassium and hope everything happens fast and secure, but I maybe become homeless this year. I need to find a good place to die maybe in the forest. btw. OP another question, but is your avatar image Tamino Amir?

It's Jeff Buckley he's a singer haha

I'm sorry I don't mean to be insensitive but this made me slight nose laugh and I don't laugh often. I sincerely have always wished I could just take SN with some soda. How did it taste? I wonder if that's why(other than being found)? It slowed down the absorption?

Ah thanks. I'll check it out.

It's fine; I think it's funny too. Well, it defo tasted better than just plain water. Honestly, if the police weren't outside the door when I took it, I would have died, so mixing it with soda didn't really change anything.

 

[Dante_]

Im so sorry...surviving that takes a lot out of you but more importantly, I hope you're recovering well.

 

[skywhywalker666]

if you make a new attempt in the future, will it also be with SN?

 

[Kayla]

physc

Im so sorry...surviving that takes a lot out of you but more importantly, I hope you're recovering well.

physically recovering, mentally worse

if you make a new attempt in the future, will it also be with SN?

Probably will be.

 

[Jisatsu]

I've survived ... around 50 attempts... I've flatlined twice , had cardiac arrest a dozen times and I'm still here.

I also survived taking sn as well , was even saved before I had cardiac arrest which still amazes me how fast they saved me and how stupid I am for doing it when I wasn't fully alone.

We live we learn and we go back to the drawing board .

 

[cowboypants]

I sincerely have always wished I could just take SN with some soda.

It's probably alright to do, but I don't think it would be pleasant when the burp hits you back up.

Makwana laced a bottle of jeera soda

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/...ofinterest&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=cppst

 

[Dante_]

It's probably alright to do, but I don't think it would be pleasant when the burp hits you back up.

Linked article stated " Within minutes, all three collapsed and died." i mean, i read it before as you know but i find it incredibly sickening to test it on others, utterly so.

Anyway @razor543
I feel you since well, my friend survived her SN attempt in January, narrowly so and she wasn't far from cardiac arrest either (peri arrest) so she survived because when she was at the hotel she was found at, ambulance response was rapid before she progressed into cardiac arrest but I have a bit of an understanding of the agony behind the why of still being here when all you want is not to be. Be well, take care and know that you have a community behind you here.

 

[cowboypants]

Linked article stated " Within minutes, all three collapsed and died." i mean, i read it before as you know but i find it incredibly sickening to test it on others, utterly so.

He could have tested it on a rat or something. Its stupi yeah

 

[Freedomm]

i'm 20. The survival rate for it is still so low.

It's Jeff Buckley he's a singer haha

It's fine; I think it's funny too. Well, it defo tasted better than just plain water. Honestly, if the police weren't outside the door when I took it, I would have died, so mixing it with soda didn't really change anything.

I would like to ask you what you felt when you were in a coma? Did you have dreams or was it like nothingness.

 

[TBONTB]

Linked article stated " Within minutes, all three collapsed and died." i mean, i read it before as you know but i find it incredibly sickening to test it on others, utterly so.

Anyway @razor543
I feel you since well, my friend survived her SN attempt in January, narrowly so and she wasn't far from cardiac arrest either (peri arrest) so she survived because when she was at the hotel she was found at, ambulance response was rapid before she progressed into cardiac arrest but I have a bit of an understanding of the agony behind the why of still being here when all you want is not to be. Be well, take care and know that you have a community behind you here.

Thanks for sharing this. Do you know why your friend was found at the hotel?

 

[Dante_]

Thanks for sharing this. Do you know why your friend was found at the hotel?

Yeah I do, some personal details omitted as she's gone now but best summarized as her dad was suspicious of her whereabouts and asked one of her friends for her location through her iPhone so he found out she was in a hotel, her aunt then drove down to the place but the staff wouldn't let her know what room she was in, begged them to just knock on her door until one of the hotel staff did, found her unconscious on the bed and if one of the staff hadn't done so then she would've died and I would've lost her back then.

Her aunt rang back and got first response there quicker but they were only in a car as there were no ambulances nearby avaliable so they shouted down the radio saying they need an ambulance as she needed the hospital stat for being unconscious and in peri arrest, took em 20 mins to get there. She had a lot of arterial gasses done and she felt the treatment more than other times so it was a bit painful with the cannulas and everything. What broke my heart the most was the fact that she hadn't cried like that in years when she first came to in hospital, realizing she had survived. Anyway...dont wanna derail the Ops thread further than what I shared.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, I also wish for peace from this torturous existence as well, all I want is to never suffer again, I hope you find the relief you search for, I wish you the best.

 

[TBONTB]

Yeah I do, some personal details omitted as she's gone now but best summarized as her dad was suspicious of her whereabouts and asked one of her friends for her location through her iPhone so he found out she was in a hotel, her aunt then drove down to the place but the staff wouldn't let her know what room she was in, begged them to just knock on her door until one of the hotel staff did, found her unconscious on the bed and if one of the staff hadn't done so then she would've died and I would've lost her back then.

Her aunt rang back and got first response there quicker but they were only in a car as there were no ambulances nearby avaliable so they shouted down the radio saying they need an ambulance as she needed the hospital stat for being unconscious and in peri arrest, took em 20 mins to get there.

Thanks for sharing the longer story. It sounds like you've lost a friend, I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[Dante_]

Thanks for sharing the longer story. It sounds like you've lost a friend, I'm sorry for your loss.

Thank you so in short, from second hand experience shared from the friend I care so much about still and how frustrating it is to survive and ask why you're still here is something I can understand from what the op expressed above, it hurts a lot, on a psychological level that not even your own effort to leave is being left uninterrupted as wanted...something has to get in the way it seems where it didn't for others.

 

[Kayla]

I would like to ask you what you felt when you were in a coma? Did you have dreams or was it like nothingness.

well i'm not sure what I was aware off. I was drugged up on so many sedatives and stuff. I remember dreaming about reddit?? and a certain documentary on youtube. but i'm not sure if that was me in the coma or me awake heavily sedated.

 

[Obliviate]

It's probably alright to do, but I don't think it would be pleasant when the burp hits you back up.

Murder by the book: It was teacher’s deadly ‘experiment’ that killed three in Gujarat's Nadiad | Ahmedabad News - The Times of India

Harikishan Makwana, a schoolteacher from Nadiad, plotted to make his own suicide look like an accident to secure a life insurance payout for his famil

timesofindia.indiatimes.com

Woah. That's a crazy article. There was another user a long time ago who attempted with coke and if I remember correctly it was indeed working and they called the ambulance…..something along those lines.

I think I would have something maybe kicking candy or something for the taste because just the taste can induce vomiting I know it can for me. Especially with the taste AND the nausea effects. I'm also just gonna numb my mouth if that would help.

well i'm not sure what I was aware off. I was drugged up on so many sedatives and stuff. I remember dreaming about reddit?? and a certain documentary on youtube. but i'm not sure if that was me in the coma or me awake heavily sedated.

Please…….Reddit is hilarious.

 

[katara]

In May of this year, I survived taking sn. I know exactly what I did wrong. I didn't take any antiemetics or benzos. I didn't fast, and I didn't measure out how much sn I was going to take. I still had a cardiac arrest, but why did I survive that? The survival rates of surviving a cardiac arrest are so low. People have said, "It wasn't my time," but I wanted it to be my time; I was so close to it being my time. Why did they have to save me when I clearly didn't want to be saved? When I see on here that people have successfully done it, I get jealous. Why wasn't that me? Now I have to live with regrets. I traumatized people that I love. Having constant reminders of what happened by the scars on my neck. Having my address and name flagged on systems. Being isolated because I reordered it. Not being trusted by anyone. All I wanted to do was find peace, and I fucked it up. The crisis team have put in their reports that "i'm looking forward to the future." Why are they lying? I have sn (they don't know about this one), I've written all my notes, and I have loads of different medications hoarded. I really hope that one day I will finally succeed and I won't be in this pain anymore. At least I was able to share my survival story on this site so people know what could happen.

I am so sorry you had to experience that, I recently saw a video of a guy who died from sn and it looked painful. Maybe it's for the best, at least u didn't have to be in pain and throwing up blood like the guy I saw who died recently.

 

[User111885]

In May of this year, I survived taking sn. I know exactly what I did wrong. I didn't take any antiemetics or benzos. I didn't fast, and I didn't measure out how much sn I was going to take. I still had a cardiac arrest, but why did I survive that? The survival rates of surviving a cardiac arrest are so low. People have said, "It wasn't my time," but I wanted it to be my time; I was so close to it being my time. Why did they have to save me when I clearly didn't want to be saved? When I see on here that people have successfully done it, I get jealous. Why wasn't that me? Now I have to live with regrets. I traumatized people that I love. Having constant reminders of what happened by the scars on my neck. Having my address and name flagged on systems. Being isolated because I reordered it. Not being trusted by anyone. All I wanted to do was find peace, and I fucked it up. The crisis team have put in their reports that "i'm looking forward to the future." Why are they lying? I have sn (they don't know about this one), I've written all my notes, and I have loads of different medications hoarded. I really hope that one day I will finally succeed and I won't be in this pain anymore. At least I was able to share my survival story on this site so people know what could happen.

thanks for a reminder for me not to skip benzos and antiemetics

sorry things are awful

mental health workers write whatever they feel like, and a lot of time it's lies

 

[Kayla]

Murder by the book: It was teacher’s deadly ‘experiment’ that killed three in Gujarat's Nadiad | Ahmedabad News - The Times of India

Harikishan Makwana, a schoolteacher from Nadiad, plotted to make his own suicide look like an accident to secure a life insurance payout for his famil

timesofindia.indiatimes.com

Woah. That's a crazy article. There was another user a long time ago who attempted with coke and if I remember correctly it was indeed working and they called the ambulance…..something along those lines.

I think I would have something maybe kicking candy or something for the taste because just the taste can induce vomiting I know it can for me. Especially with the taste AND the nausea effects. I'm also just gonna numb my mouth if that would help.

Please…….Reddit is hilarious.

it was so random

thanks for a reminder for me not to skip benzos and antiemetics

sorry things are awful

mental health workers write whatever they feel like, and a lot of time it's lies

They write whatever makes them look good, and they claim they've "done their job" when most of the time they haven't done anything

 

[idiotmother]

Are your hands still different colors and are you shaking?

 

[Kayla]

Are your hands still different colors and are you shaking?

still different colours. The shaking is still there but not as bad

 

[idiotmother]

still different colours. The shaking is still there but not as bad

I'm sorry for your suffering :(. I hope things improve.