Venting why cant i just do it??

[RobinWhoLostItAll]

god im so fucking exhausted, my life is full of layers upon layers of problems and i cant solve them, ill get thrown out of my house, i have no friends anymore, nobody loves me anymore, nobody fucking cares anymore, i already know ive slammed so many doors shut and burnt so many bridges theres no life ahead of me anymore, SO WHY THE FUCK CANT I JUST KICK THE FUCKING STOOL AND END THIS ALL ALREADY??????
i stand there like a fucking moron with a rope around my neck, crying, but i wont just do it, im so fucking frustrated with myself, idc about anything else in this world, i barely even leave my room anymore, i hate the holidays, and i have nothing to look forward to.
i have to ctb, i HAVE to, so why cant i just do it?? i dont fucking get it, i seriously dont fucking get it and im just crying on my bed rn, why the fuck was i born into this?
i just want peace, thats all i want, and i cant even have that, god im pathetic.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to suffer so much and your SI is causing you so much trouble. SI is so difficult to overcome. Have you considered other methods?

 

[RobinWhoLostItAll]

I'm sorry you have to suffer so much and your SI is causing you so much trouble. SI is so difficult to overcome. Have you considered other methods?

i dont have many options, i lost my job at the beggining of this month, getting a gun here is a very costly, slow process (i have a history of anxious depression so i dont have high hopes of getting it approved), and i live in central america so buying supplies from abroad is not an option, ive thought about ODing on DPH and i can afford it but i dont think i wanna rely on it (besides getting the dph would cut heavily into my weed money)

 

[Praestat_Mori]

i dont have many options, i lost my job at the beggining of this month, getting a gun here is a very costly, slow process (i have a history of anxious depression so i dont have high hopes of getting it approved), and i live in central america so buying supplies from abroad is not an option, ive thought about ODing on DPH and i can afford it but i dont think i wanna rely on it (besides getting the dph would cut heavily into my weed money)

I understand. DPH alone my not be a good method either. Have you considered CO with charcoal?

 

[RobinWhoLostItAll]

I understand. DPH alone my not be a good method either. Have you considered CO with charcoal?

not really, might look into it actually, thanks for the tip i really appreciate it

 

[Praestat_Mori]

not really, might look into it actually, thanks for the tip i really appreciate it

Here's a good guide and the megathread, feel free to ask if things are unclear.

Charcoal method advice

Hi, I somehow came across this site after some furious google searching over the weekend. After trying and failing other methods over the past month I came across back to the idea of carbon monoxide and decided to dig further into charcoal burning, of which there are plenty discussions on this...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Carbon monoxide megathread

Hi, this will be the megathread for the carbon monoxide method. I have some questions about the charcoal method, is it a simple method to do? Like buying charcoal and setting it or there is some steps and setup to follow The ppeh gives low rating for preparation but good rating for...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[RobinWhoLostItAll]

Here's a good guide and the megathread, feel free to ask if things are unclear.

Charcoal method advice

Hi, I somehow came across this site after some furious google searching over the weekend. After trying and failing other methods over the past month I came across back to the idea of carbon monoxide and decided to dig further into charcoal burning, of which there are plenty discussions on this...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Carbon monoxide megathread

Hi, this will be the megathread for the carbon monoxide method. I have some questions about the charcoal method, is it a simple method to do? Like buying charcoal and setting it or there is some steps and setup to follow The ppeh gives low rating for preparation but good rating for...

sanctioned-suicide.net

thank you <3
ill see about trying this, and if i cant i can always try to drink to help ease the SI

 

[Photographer Fizzle]

Same. I could go any day now. I have nothing and no one to leave behind. I'm just scared.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hate how existence doesn't come with an instant and permanent offswitch as sadly suicide just isn't straightforward, it's horrible how we cannot just choose to easily die in a peaceful way. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the peace you search for as I understand that it's so dreadful feeling so trapped here.

 

[RobinWhoLostItAll]

I hate how existence doesn't come with an instant and permanent offswitch as sadly suicide just isn't straightforward, it's horrible how we cannot just choose to easily die in a peaceful way. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the peace you search for as I understand that it's so dreadful feeling so trapped here.

i feel this, i understand the (selfish) desire to want people to stay alive, maybe therapy can save me, idrk atm, navigating shit just doesnt come easy, i abuse substances and dissasociate to cope with how crushing everything around and within me is, so i have days that are fine, im scared of death but it seems like the best path for me, maybe one day everyone here will be at ease, i hope substance abuse can help me overcome SI

Same. I could go any day now. I have nothing and no one to leave behind. I'm just scared.

ive left people already, ive cut bridges because im just not healthy for them to be around. i dont think of myself as a good person, but ive met people that have made me feel like i lived once, even if it was barely a year, i felt alive, and i refuse to subject them to me any longer,
ive caused a lot of harm, and cutting mine, and everyone's, loses feels like the kindest thing i could do, im not the same robin that made them happy once

 

[DEATH IS FREEDOM]

There are many people who can´t do it. It is very difficult to die without a doctor. The fear of death keeps us alive because we are programmed to live. But courage wins over fear.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I've gone through this multiple times this year and it's really hard to go through with it, even when you're certain it's the right decision. I came close to trying SN twice and full suspension once, but not being able to go through with it was devastating.

It's okay to feel bad, but none of this is your fault. It's nowhere near as easy to do this as prolifers pretend it is, otherwise I would've already died back in February.

You're not pathetic for being unable to go through with it. It's normal to struggle with this so try not to beat yourself up. Hanging is a scary method anyways, which is why I couldn't do it either.

 

[RobinWhoLostItAll]

I've gone through this multiple times this year and it's really hard to go through with it, even when you're certain it's the right decision. I came close to trying SN twice and full suspension once, but not being able to go through with it was devastating.

It's okay to feel bad, but none of this is your fault. It's nowhere near as easy to do this as prolifers pretend it is, otherwise I would've already died back in February.

You're not pathetic for being unable to go through with it. It's normal to struggle with this so try not to beat yourself up. Hanging is a scary method anyways, which is why I couldn't do it either.

thank you, im pathetic for many, many reasons, its just kinda hard not to be hard on myself, trauma makes your mind do some funny shit, and i hate myself more than anything else even before failing to ctb
im hoping alcohol might help the SI on my next attempt