why cant i just cut myself

[ScaredCutter]

I really want to cut myself, i have blades and have tried it before myself but i can never go deep, its just like im scrapping dead skin off my body. i react to the pressure and how it feels but, i truly believe that its something i need to do to make up for my own decisions ive made in life and what ive done thats hurt my boyfriend, i really want to cut myself but i got told by my mum that id be sent off to a hospital if i do so, i'll lose my blades if i dare to do it. im horrible at hiding cuts too, if its really light ones, i can get away with it but thats it.

i have done other harming to myself but mainly out of frustration and irritation, hitting myself, pulling at my skin, punching my thigh, desk or wall (not in a cringe way), i used to slam things on my head possibly. but, i dont want to do those because i get no relief, its just me hitting myself or things but i know its not visible because i dont cause any bruising from it or bumps either but, i just wanna cut myself instead, so bad.

 

[slitwristsbleedcold]

I used to be like this too, but then one night, It was just too overwhelming, and i went deeper, tbh, after that it kind of become less scary and stuff