Why can't I cry?

[S_IsMyUsername]

For a long time I have had problems expressing my feelings. Especially the crying. Not having the other feelings actually bothers me relatively little, but I found every time I could cry it simply liberating. A good feeling. But for so long it has been so unbearably hard for me to cry that I just can't do it. Sure now and then I have pee in my eyes but I just can't really manage to cry bitterly and I wish I could. Last just now as I have reacted to a thread here with the short story "The Egg". Why not? Why can't my body squeeze a little water and salt out of my eyes? Every time this happens I wish even more strongly that I wasn't so "different", and instead just be my own, or take one away that ends this suffering....

Are there others here who have similar problems? Or maybe even someone who knows how to deal with it?

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I am the same way I almost never cry there can go years between I cry and then it´s usually a few seconds and I just immediately think "please continue" because it feels so good to have a nice long cry I remember it used to feel relieving after. That is also why I miss my depression when I was a teenager even at 19 I felt so depressed and a lot of sadness and it actually felt good to be emotionally depressed rather than now where I just experience apathy and anhedonia I miss my feelings even the bad ones like feeling sadness even though it sometimes felt like too much it was still way better to be able to feel sadness than not to feel anything.

Our emotions are essential to enjoying life even the bad emotions such as sadness because in a weird way like I just explained there is some kind of enjoyment through sadness it is very melancholic and can actually be very beautiful. Emotions simply give color to life so without them life just seems grey. But yeah I really miss a good long cry and the feeling of relief after so you´re definitely not alone in being like that.

 

[S_IsMyUsername]

I am the same way I almost never cry there can go years between I cry and then it´s usually a few seconds and I just immediately think "please continue" because it feels so good to have a nice long cry I remember it used to feel relieving after. That is also why I miss my depression when I was a teenager even at 19 I felt so depressed and a lot of sadness and it actually felt good to be emotionally depressed rather than now where I just experience apathy and anhedonia I miss my feelings even the bad ones like feeling sadness even though it sometimes felt like too much it was still way better to be able to feel sadness than not to feel anything.

Our emotions are essential to enjoying life even the bad emotions such as sadness because in a weird way like I just explained there is some kind of enjoyment through sadness it is very melancholic and can actually be very beautiful. Emotions simply give color to life so without them life just seems grey. But yeah I really miss a good long cry and the feeling of relief after so you´re definitely not alone in being like that.

I am sorry that you feel the same way, but you have summed up everything very well. If you lack emotions, even if they are bad, you are simply not complete. I still have pee in my eyes and try all the time to see the same video in the hope that I would make it. But maybe it's about time that I take my fate into my own hands, and by that I don't mean in a good way.

Actually, when I look at others, or at least believe what I think I see, I should also be able to feel such feelings. I have been in psychiatric treatment for such a long time and still I feel incomplete all the time. I can't even express it and I try to tell everyone all the time "I'm fine", but it's just tiring. With every day it gets harder and harder and at the same time I hope with every day I just won't wake up anymore, the longer I have to go through this.

On the other hand, I am always afraid for my family. I was never treated special and had a shitty childhood but at the same time I feel responsible for my own mother, although she is in a way to blame for everything. She should never have had children in her condition and I will never understand how she could do that. I couldn't do it in the first place and I would voluntarily sterilize myself immediately if it was allowed in my country.

But on the other hand, I just couldn't take the bus because I would be afraid I would drag her with me. I know she lives on the cliff and exactly such an action would push her down with full force.

Why this dellema?

And yet I try all the time to box me through at whatever points. I try to appear right to every friend, every family member, every co-worker. As if I were normal and had no problems. Actually, I should have no more problems! I have survived my time at home and earn halfway good money in my job, and yet every second of my life feels terrible.

I also know that some of my acquaintances are on the road here, and also that they can probably connect my username or my profile picture with me. But let me tell you one thing: I am sorry if it will happen someday. And it will. I am absolutely sure I will not take a natural death, and if my mom wasn't here, even though I hate her in so many ways for my existence, I wouldn't be here anymore.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I am sorry that you feel the same way, but you have summed up everything very well. If you lack emotions, even if they are bad, you are simply not complete. I still have pee in my eyes and try all the time to see the same video in the hope that I would make it. But maybe it's about time that I take my fate into my own hands, and by that I don't mean in a good way.

Actually, when I look at others, or at least believe what I think I see, I should also be able to feel such feelings. I have been in psychiatric treatment for such a long time and still I feel incomplete all the time. I can't even express it and I try to tell everyone all the time "I'm fine", but it's just tiring. With every day it gets harder and harder and at the same time I hope with every day I just won't wake up anymore, the longer I have to go through this.

On the other hand, I am always afraid for my family. I was never treated special and had a shitty childhood but at the same time I feel responsible for my own mother, although she is in a way to blame for everything. She should never have had children in her condition and I will never understand how she could do that. I couldn't do it in the first place and I would voluntarily sterilize myself immediately if it was allowed in my country.

But on the other hand, I just couldn't take the bus because I would be afraid I would drag her with me. I know she lives on the cliff and exactly such an action would push her down with full force.

Why this dellema?

And yet I try all the time to box me through at whatever points. I try to appear right to every friend, every family member, every co-worker. As if I were normal and had no problems. Actually, I should have no more problems! I have survived my time at home and earn halfway good money in my job, and yet every second of my life feels terrible.

I also know that some of my acquaintances are on the road here, and also that they can probably connect my username or my profile picture with me. But let me tell you one thing: I am sorry if it will happen someday. And it will. I am absolutely sure I will not take a natural death, and if my mom wasn't here, even though I hate her in so many ways for my existence, I wouldn't be here anymore.

It´s nice that you care about your mother enough to see that she already has it hard enough as it is and it would break her if you ctb, I feel the same way I know it would ruin my parents life but at the same time it´s hard to keep existing for other people it feels like I can´t ctb before they are gone

 

[Lulzacruel]

it is known that depression can make you numb

it is actually a very common symptom that i see in male patients a lot!

do not fear about it, it does NOT make you less of a human, you are just suffering from classic depression

emotions are our most vital part of our body and do NOT let others say the opposite

i know you can fight it :-)

 

[S_IsMyUsername]

it is known that depression can make you numb

it is actually a very common symptom that i see in male patients a lot!

do not fear about it, it does NOT make you less of a human, you are just suffering from classic depression

emotions are our most vital part of our body and do NOT let others say the opposite

i know you can fight it :-)

Thank you, but I can hardly stand it anymore. All the time I still think to myself "why me?", of course I am not the worst in comparison, and it is certainly much worse for many but that does not make it better for me. I wish there was a "everything will be alright" pill which you take once and everything will be alright again.

 

[Lulzacruel]

I wish there was a "everything will be alright" pill which you take once and everything will be alright again.

i wish for such a pill in the future