C
CannotAnymore
Student
- Apr 29, 2022
- 100
So 4 years ago life really took a turn for the worst. It's been rough and with that came quite a significant weight gain. I know it, I just mentally am not in a place mentally to fix it. I'm the biggest I've been in 20 years. (Ironically, I think my weight/food issues is what caused my SN attempt to fail)
Anyway, I've really been trying to just function, I think one day at a time, one minute at time. Anyway I have a new job offer that is on the way. It won't fix everything but hey I've been too depressed to work for a year.
So we are on the zoom call and it's myself, my boss, and then our clients. A girl who I worked with 15 years ago and so my boss makes the joke, well you guys know each other but do you like each other (the meeting was going well so it was tongue in cheek) and she goes... well she was MUCH smaller back then... I was so fucking humiliated (these guys didn't know me then). Everyone froze. I just kinda said. Yeah back then I was really in the gym all the time.
I am so embarrassed, I'm supposed to share an office space with her. I can't.. like WHY would you say that, you think I don't fucking know? You think you need to point out to the room that my once size 6 pants are now a very tight size 16? Shall I tell them that I am so gross that my partner and I basically have no intimacy because even if we try I just end up crying.
Shall I tell you about the nightmare the last 4 years have been? Or that I'm stressed as shit cause I have $100 in my bank account?
Why do people have to be so mean? Some of us are hanging on by a freaking thread. Some of us just want to have one day where we wake up and not want to die. Some of us have had the people we love the most show us the most cruelty and so we don't need your fucking high school bully shit.
I am just so tired.
Anyway, I've really been trying to just function, I think one day at a time, one minute at time. Anyway I have a new job offer that is on the way. It won't fix everything but hey I've been too depressed to work for a year.
So we are on the zoom call and it's myself, my boss, and then our clients. A girl who I worked with 15 years ago and so my boss makes the joke, well you guys know each other but do you like each other (the meeting was going well so it was tongue in cheek) and she goes... well she was MUCH smaller back then... I was so fucking humiliated (these guys didn't know me then). Everyone froze. I just kinda said. Yeah back then I was really in the gym all the time.
I am so embarrassed, I'm supposed to share an office space with her. I can't.. like WHY would you say that, you think I don't fucking know? You think you need to point out to the room that my once size 6 pants are now a very tight size 16? Shall I tell them that I am so gross that my partner and I basically have no intimacy because even if we try I just end up crying.
Shall I tell you about the nightmare the last 4 years have been? Or that I'm stressed as shit cause I have $100 in my bank account?
Why do people have to be so mean? Some of us are hanging on by a freaking thread. Some of us just want to have one day where we wake up and not want to die. Some of us have had the people we love the most show us the most cruelty and so we don't need your fucking high school bully shit.
I am just so tired.