Discussion Why are people so afraid of being 'selfish'?

[thetwilightzone]

Suicide aside, it seems that society thoroughly despises selfishness in any form. When someone actions are called selfish, they seem to feel a lot of shame.

 

[Dog Food]

We're social creatures, so being kind is considered a great value. I think most societies throughout history have considered selfishness a worse sin than the world we now live in. That being said, there is probably an over-emphasis on being selfless, to the point where people have to deny their own suffering.

 

[dunkelheit]

I do have a feeling this question is being brought up for a particular reason.

This word is usually used to describe the act of suicide. You want to know what selfishness is? Trying to keep someone alive because of YOUR emotions and how YOU would feel if they were gone. It has nothing to do with the suicidal individual, its all about the other persons feelings of burden and guilt.

 

[Threads]

Selfish is such a misused word. I don't like it. When I think of selfish I think of someone who is either.

A: Narcissistic
B: Egotistical
C: Greedy
D: Self-Centered.

Society shames people who engage in those behaviors. Unfortunately, as an American, I can say confidently that it is socially acceptable to think overwhelmingly highly of yourself and to have an ego. But does society thoroughly despise selfishness? No. Look at Wall Street, look at the big banks, look at the corpocracy we're living it, look at all the poverty ridden children in the United States, look at the mess many of us are because of the absolute lack of mental healthcare in the west, look at how terrible our environment is.

None of this is by accident, and could be fixed and addressed within a decade or two.But selfish rich people (Who are A,, B, Totally fucking C, and D) would rather have a world like this, because it's profitable.

 

[couldntthinkofaname]

i dont think suicide is selfish in many cases

 

[worldexploder]

Selfishness is sort of built into the animal. When it comes to suicide, people calling it selfish just pisses me off. I think it's selfish to force someone to exist against their will.

 

[millefeui]

Well, I am not. I am selfish and have no problem in admitting that.

 

[Schopenhauer]

I'm a selfish bastard, that's the truth. And not because I'm going to ctb. I'm only mildly ashamed, though :p

 

[Jen Erik]

I find those people who criticize others as being selfish are often much more guilty of being selfish themselves. Lots of projection going on with that word.

*where selfish is used as some form of critical insult

 

[Severen]

Suicide aside, it seems that society thoroughly despises selfishness in any form. When someone actions are called selfish, they seem to feel a lot of shame.

Because if you are too selfish, you have no value to anyone.

 

[Circles]

Because if you are too selfish, you have no value to anyone.

I have no value even by helping those same people. So it's a lose lose game.

 

[Trashcan]

Selfish is such a misused word. I don't like it. When I think of selfish I think of someone who is either.

A: Narcissistic
B: Egotistical
C: Greedy
D: Self-Centered.

Society shames people who engage in those behaviors. Unfortunately, as an American, I can say confidently that it is socially acceptable to think overwhelmingly highly of yourself and to have an ego. But does society thoroughly despise selfishness? No. Look at Wall Street, look at the big banks, look at the corpocracy we're living it, look at all the poverty ridden children in the United States, look at the mess many of us are because of the absolute lack of mental healthcare in the west, look at how terrible our environment is.

None of this is by accident, and could be fixed and addressed within a decade or two.But selfish rich people (Who are A,, B, Totally fucking C, and D) would rather have a world like this, because it's profitable.

So true. It's considered socially acceptable to be selfish if you're rich because "it's just capitalism."

 

[oldgray]

i think the idea of selfishness we invented is stupid, we think that some actions are selfish therefore they're bad, but everything we do is selfish.
even giving money to charity is selfish, we feel bad for poor people and we give them money to feel better about ourself, is it selfish? yes. is it bad or wrong? i don't think so.

 

[Dani Paradox]

Just like anything in the world, balance is the key to nature. Duality. 50/50. Being totally selfish is bad. Being totally selfless will destroy you. Balance is key.

 

[Dani Paradox]

Selfish is such a misused word. I don't like it. When I think of selfish I think of someone who is either.

A: Narcissistic
B: Egotistical
C: Greedy
D: Self-Centered.

Society shames people who engage in those behaviors. Unfortunately, as an American, I can say confidently that it is socially acceptable to think overwhelmingly highly of yourself and to have an ego. But does society thoroughly despise selfishness? No. Look at Wall Street, look at the big banks, look at the corpocracy we're living it, look at all the poverty ridden children in the United States, look at the mess many of us are because of the absolute lack of mental healthcare in the west, look at how terrible our environment is.

None of this is by accident, and could be fixed and addressed within a decade or two.But selfish rich people (Who are A,, B, Totally fucking C, and D) would rather have a world like this, because it's profitable.

Just about every best friend I've ever had was narcissistic. Just because a lot of narcissists are assholes doesn't mean they all are. Many are amazing people. It's a pretty big generalization to make. Lots of stigma surrounding that word...

 

[Rollo]

Suicide aside, it seems that society thoroughly despises selfishness in any form. When someone actions are called selfish, they seem to feel a lot of shame.

So basically you answered your own question right there. And then got banned for some reason

 

[Dani Paradox]

So basically you answered your own question right there. And then got banned for some reason

I wonder what happened there...

 

[Dani Paradox]

I think what he meant to ask was why society despises it. It was just the way he worded it. I wonder why he got banned though. It must have something to do with a different thread.

 

[Threads]

Just about every best friend I've ever had was narcissistic. Just because a lot of narcissists are assholes doesn't mean they all are. Many are amazing people. It's a pretty big generalization to make. Lots of stigma surrounding that word...

You and I have two very different views of Narcissists.

People that are self-absorbed to the point of having a personality disorder are dangerous and highly unstable. I would not befriend an overt narcissist, even if I was ordered to at gunpoint. I'd rather choose to be friends with a psychopath over narcissist. Narcissists are completely bankrupt in the self-esteem department, their emotional control circuitry is running completely haywire. Narcissists rely on manipulating others to obtain their 'narcissistic needs.' These needs are validation, admiration, acknowledgement, praise, and the worship of others. Often times, they will go at great lengths to achieve these goals, almost always at the expense of others with no consideration for the cost.

If just about every 'best friend you've ever were narcissistic', I'm assuming you either don't understand what a narcissist is or you completely lack any emotional radar. I'm going to assume the former.

 

[polyswarm]

i think the idea of selfishness we invented is stupid, we think that some actions are selfish therefore they're bad, but everything we do is selfish.
even giving money to charity is selfish, we feel bad for poor people and we give them money to feel better about ourself, is it selfish? yes. is it bad or wrong? i don't think so.

Yea, I agree with this, as far as I can see everything we do is selfish.
I think it's more useful to make the distinction between actions that benefit multiple people and actions that benefit only yourself over the backs of others.

 

[Rollo]

I think what he meant to ask was why society despises it. It was just the way he worded it. I wonder why he got banned though. It must have something to do with a different thread.

Yeah maybe he meant why people avoid selfishness and used 'afraid' and 'despise' interchangibly. Still to me he actually did answer it in a way - people are afraid cause other people despise.

 

[Rollo]

Yea, I agree with this, as far as I can see everything we do is selfish.
I think it's more useful to make the distinction between actions that benefit multiple people and actions that benefit only yourself over the backs of others.

So what if I rob you being a part of a gang, so that my actions will benefit multiple people beside me?

 

[polyswarm]

So what if I rob you being a part of a gang, so that my actions will benefit multiple people beside me?

The bad far outweighs the good in my opinion.

It's an interesting example, and if anything it shows to me that's it's really a case by case thing.

 

[polyswarm]

If it was more Robin Hood-esque, stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, I'd probably cheer you on.

 

[Dani Paradox]

The bad far outweighs the good in my opinion.

It's an interesting example, and if anything it shows to me that's it's really a case by case thing.

I think it's honorable to fight for the people beside you.

 

[Rollo]

The bad far outweighs the good in my opinion.

Well obviously cause it's you being robbed. But aren't you being selfish here then? Your money will benefit me and many of my fellow gang members while if being left in your pocket they will only benefit you.

 

[polyswarm]

Well obviously cause it's you being robbed. But aren't you being selfish here then? Your money will benefit me and many of my fellow gang members while if being left in your pocket they will only benefit you.

If I'm being robbed I wouldn't have a choice in the matter. But let's say you just asked me for some money, and I actually have some to spare.

Usually I hand over a little cash if someone asks me for it. But calling me selfish if I refused to hand over money is very manipulative.
I don't owe someone on the street money if they ask for it.

So refusing to give money is neither good nor bad, I could have benefitted you by giving you some, but not giving it doesn't leave you worse off.
Giving money would be a positive as it would have benefitted you and myself.

 

[couldntthinkofaname]

I wonder what happened there...

he posted his penis

 

[Dani Paradox]

Well obviously cause it's you being robbed. But aren't you being selfish here then? Your money will benefit me and many of my fellow gang members while if being left in your pocket they will only benefit you.

lol Rollo. See, everything is perception, really. The universe is a paradox. Nothing exists. There's always a way to flip it around and look at it the other way. So in reality, everyone is always right. At least from their point of view. In the end...every man judges himself. No man can stand in judgement of another.

 

[Dani Paradox]

he posted his penis

LOL what