I have got psychosis and twice and the first one when I was pretty young. Even during my psychosis people laughed at me and made jokes. It is important to state that I had paranoia about people would laugh at me. The feeling was way exaggerated but we need to differentiate. It was a delusion that the bullying was systematically. Though some people really made jokes about my manic state (I flirted a lot with women - later I felt extremely ashamed about it) . They were so cruel. Some people noticed that something was off but noone intervened. Even after my psychosis people made fun of me. Because it was "ridiculous" to get a psychosis in school. Many blamed me that this would have been kind of stupid from me. Noone knew about the child and teenager violent abuse which I had to endure. Of course I did not open up about it. Teachers also had the attitude that my behavior was irresponsible and dumb. Many left incomprehensible comments.
This really hurt because I am extremely worried what other people think about me. I have flashbacks of these embarassing moments lately.
Why are people so arrogant to judge without knowing anything about the background story? Maybe it is part of human nature to categorize people in order to deal with them better. In college many had the feeling I was insane. Women laughed about me because I flirted again. Many wanted to take advantage of me. Just to laugh about the insane weirdo. However some were genuinely concerned about me. But they were the minority. The professors pitied myself. But I think some had the feeling I was just nuts. I have the feeling noone differentiated that my behavior was caused by my manic state. People did not recognize that. This behavior led to my psychosis. They rather blamed it on my personality.
Something similar happens when people commit suicide. They say the reasons for commiting suicide would not have been good enough. Despite the fact they barely know anything. People don't acknowledge the pain an individual had to endure. They are pretentious to make a judgment about the pain of others.
This all hurt me a lot. It should not influence me that much. I am so dependent on the opinion of others. I try to think of them as scum when someone takes advantage of vulnerable people. But the world is full of them.
This really hurt because I am extremely worried what other people think about me. I have flashbacks of these embarassing moments lately.
Why are people so arrogant to judge without knowing anything about the background story? Maybe it is part of human nature to categorize people in order to deal with them better. In college many had the feeling I was insane. Women laughed about me because I flirted again. Many wanted to take advantage of me. Just to laugh about the insane weirdo. However some were genuinely concerned about me. But they were the minority. The professors pitied myself. But I think some had the feeling I was just nuts. I have the feeling noone differentiated that my behavior was caused by my manic state. People did not recognize that. This behavior led to my psychosis. They rather blamed it on my personality.
Something similar happens when people commit suicide. They say the reasons for commiting suicide would not have been good enough. Despite the fact they barely know anything. People don't acknowledge the pain an individual had to endure. They are pretentious to make a judgment about the pain of others.
This all hurt me a lot. It should not influence me that much. I am so dependent on the opinion of others. I try to think of them as scum when someone takes advantage of vulnerable people. But the world is full of them.
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