Why are male employees I encounter at stores snd such borderline hostile with me and yet female employees are typically nice?

[Weebster]

I don't say anything offensive. Is it my stoic expression?

 

[novem]

Do you act/look gay?

 

[Talks]

Each person is different, maybe that male employee had a bad day

 

[Weebster]

Do you act/look gay?

No

 

[novem]

No

so why do you think they are rude to you .
btw many male characters act as rude
i dont give a fck about those armenian-like fuckers its their problem, not yours
are you a woman or a man?

 

[Weebster]

so why do you think they are rude to you .
btw many male characters act as rude
i dont give a fck about those armenian-like fuckers its their problem, not yours
are you a woman or a man?

Yeah I guess they do. I guess that's why a girl once told me that I was different than other men. Being hyper aggressive, competitive, ghetto doesn't interest me. Im a guy

 

[novem]

Yeah I guess they do. I guess that's why a girl once told me that I was different than other men. Being hyper aggressive, competitive, ghetto doesn't interest me. Im a guy

just find your crowd wherever it is, so that it comforts you. ppl are competitive everywhere and they will discriminate whenever they can this is just biology, we need to survive regardless

 

[Weebster]

just find your crowd wherever it is, so that it comforts you. ppl are competitive everywhere and they will discriminate whenever they can this is just biology, we need to survive regardless

How come I don't care about that stuff? I want a group but I don't care about tribalism.

 

[lofticries]

It actually could be your expression if you have a resting bitch face like I do.

I guess the female employees don't mind because to them it makes you look mysterious and brooding.

 

[Weebster]

It actually could be your expression if you have a resting bitch face like I do.

I guess the female employees don't mind because to them it makes you look mysterious and brooding.

Yeah I'm not friendly but I'm not mean either

 

[Someone123]

I don't say anything offensive. Is it my stoic expression?

Of course a stoic expression would be off-putting copmpared to a friendly expression. Society conditions women to be friendlier, especially in these settings, so the girls just push through this, but you'll connect way better with a friendly expression.

 

[outatime_85]

I don't say anything offensive. Is it my stoic expression?

Since they can't get a read on you and your intentions, as well as the fact that other genders seem to gravitate towards your clam vibe, etc.

They may view you as a threat and are trying to size you up.

Maybe your stoic demeanor is causing certain people to react aggressively toward you.

I have been told that the quiet ones usually draw the most attention compared to the loud ones.

I think you should be stoic when needed, but work on limiting it, and try working on presenting a friendlier demeanor when around unknown individuals, etc.

Being friendlier does not necessarily open you up to hurt or trouble. You can still feel people out while not making them uncomfortable.

Side note: self-defense is different. That said, with everything going on in society today, people should try not to be hostile towards strangers.

That person may have certain skills, a concealed weapon, and enough pent-up rage and anger that they are not afraid to unleash it. If someone has offended someone, deescalation should be the first course of action.

I may be on the wrong path, but it is just a thought.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

This stoic expression business sure is becoming front page news. Anything we say is just guesswork. But it could well be less about you and more about them and how their day is going.

 

[GetShrektAgain]

Opposite for me

 

[Alex6216]

Yeah I guess they do. I guess that's why a girl once told me that I was different than other men. Being hyper aggressive, competitive, ghetto doesn't interest me. Im a guy

Most men aren't hyper aggressive, competitive or ghetto, unless you live in a literal ghetto or near some frat-boy house. This thread is kind of pointless since there's a lot of reasons why some employees are mean while others are nice, like 'Talks' said it might be because the dude had a bad day or it might be because he's an asshole to everyone.

 

[Weebster]

Since they can't get a read on you and your intentions, as well as the fact that other genders seem to gravitate towards your clam vibe, etc.

They may view you as a threat and are trying to size you up.

Maybe your stoic demeanor is causing certain people to react aggressively toward you.

I have been told that the quiet ones usually draw the most attention compared to the loud ones.

I think you should be stoic when needed, but work on limiting it, and try working on presenting a friendlier demeanor when around unknown individuals, etc.

Being friendlier does not necessarily open you up to hurt or trouble. You can still feel people out while not making them uncomfortable.

Side note: self-defense is different. That said, with everything going on in society today, people should try not to be hostile towards strangers.

That person may have certain skills, a concealed weapon, and enough pent-up rage and anger that they are not afraid to unleash it. If someone has offended someone, deescalation should be the first course of action.

I may be on the wrong path, but it is just a thought.

Why would my lack of expression and limited body movements cause men to react aggressively? Maybe it's that vibe thing. Am I giving off vibes without even realizing it? How is that even possible? I purposely try and come across as neutral to avoid being able to be read.

This stoic expression business sure is becoming front page news. Anything we say is just guesswork. But it could well be less about you and more about them and how their day is going.

Sorry about that. I've asked therapists but they largely lack insight despite being supposed masters of human behavior. The suicidal is, I believe, more human than most and has more understanding about life and other people.

One female therapist complained I was too stoic. But she didn't elaborate

 

[Someone123]

Why would my lack of expression and limited body movements cause men to react aggressively? Maybe it's that vibe thing. Am I giving off vibes without even realizing it? How is that even possible? I purposely try and come across as neutral to avoid being able to be read.

That really is something that kind of freaks people out sometimes- usually if people don't want to be read it's because they are hiding something, like maybe they are about to do something really bad. It's normal to communicate your mood, state of mind, etc. somewhat through body language and how you carry yourself. You can't change the whole world to adapt to how you want to communicate, to connect with others you need to communicate the way that others do- just like you can't invent your own language because you like it better and expect everyone else to change over to it- it will never happen.

 

[Weebster]

Most men aren't hyper aggressive, competitive or ghetto, unless you live in a literal ghetto or near some frat-boy house. This thread is kind of pointless since there's a lot of reasons why some employees are mean while others are nice, like 'Talks' said it might be because the dude had a bad day or it might be because he's an asshole to everyone.

That's interesting. I don't see how they are with others so I assume it's always personal.

 

[outatime_85]

Why would my lack of expression and limited body movements cause men to react aggressively? Maybe it's that vibe thing. Am I giving off vibes without even realizing it? How is that even possible? I purposely try and come across as neutral to avoid being able to be read.

I'm guessing that when people don't understand a person's mannerisms, they assume it's a threat.

To some people, quiet equals must be plotting or thinking something malicious.

Now, I should preface the above by saying my environment growing up was not kind or peaceful, so I may be off base completely with my thoughts.

Also, as others have suggested, maybe the people you are encountering are just having bad days or a bad month.

In the end, you might be better off just trying to ignore them, and if you need to engage them, continue to do it from a place of calm.

 

[Weebster]

That really is something that kind of freaks people out sometimes- usually if people don't want to be read it's because they are hiding something, like maybe they are about to do something really bad. It's normal to communicate your mood, state of mind, etc. somewhat through body language and how you carry yourself. You can't change the whole world to adapt to how you want to communicate, to connect with others you need to communicate the way that others do- just like you can't invent your own language because you like it better and expect everyone else to change over to it- it will never happen.

Sounds very difficult and vulnerable. I remember one time when I was talking with a group of people I knew that I was talkative and behaving like them. Then I soon withdrew into myself because I grew tired of the act and two of the people quickly noticed it and looked at me while appearing uncomfortable.

I'm guessing that when people don't understand a person's mannerisms, they assume it's a threat.

To some people, quiet equals must be plotting or thinking something malicious.

Now, I should preface the above by saying my environment growing up was not kind or peaceful, so I may be off base completely with my thoughts.

Also, as others have suggested, maybe the people you are encountering are just having bad days or a bad month.

In the end, you might be better off just trying to ignore them, and if you need to engage them, continue to do it from a place of calm.

Ignoring them and being calm in myself would mean not being hyper vigilant. I can't turn off my ptsd.

 

[Someone123]

Sounds very difficult and vulnerable. I remember one time when I was talking with a group of people I knew that I was talkative and behaving like them. Then I soon withdrew into myself because I grew tired of the act and two of the people quickly noticed it and looked at me while appearing uncomfortable.

That's how change is, especially a big change of habits like this- it's not really an act if you are sincerely trying to connect with people. But it's trying to learn to communicate maturally in a way that most people are lucky enough to learn grwoing up in their homes. But it can be tiring to have to make an effort doing something that others do easily, so maybe just cut the conversations short if you strat to get tired. BUt it really isn't an act, it's just trying to communicate using the common language, if you csincerely are trying to connect. Then you can build up to longer and longer conversations- just like with lifting weights you can build up to heavier weights.

 

[Weebster]

That's how change is, especially a big change of habits like this- it's not really an act if you are sincerely trying to connect with people. But it's trying to learn to communicate maturally in a way that most people are lucky enough to learn grwoing up in their homes. But it can be tiring to have to make an effort doing something that others do easily, so maybe just cut the conversations short if you strat to get tired. BUt it really isn't an act, it's just trying to communicate using the common language, if you csincerely are trying to connect. Then you can build up to longer and longer conversations- just like with lifting weights you can build up to heavier weights.

I feel too different from most people to really connect with them. Childhood abuse really does ruin everything.

 

[armadillydally]

As a woman, I'd say a large part is socialization growing up. Women are typically socialized to be polite and cheery, especially to strangers (and even moreso in a work environment). Definitely doesn't explain everything, but could be applied to most.

 

[Weebster]

As a woman, I'd say a large part is socialization growing up. Women are typically socialized to be polite and cheery, especially to strangers (and even moreso in a work environment). Definitely doesn't explain everything, but could be applied to most.

Why aren't men?

 

[armadillydally]

Why aren't men?

Honestly, not sure. I know for me personally, I use being polite/cheery as a way to avoid conflict. Many people are quick to turn hostile when a woman doesn't behave this way. However, I live in the deep south of the US, so things are culturally probably different here.

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

I've gotten a share of both hostile and polite employees of both male and female. That isn't the biggest deciding factor, in my experience.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Well either the men are disgusted by you for some negative trait you possess and the women simply pity you for that same reason OR the men are actually just jealous of your gigachad energy and the women are absolutely enamored by it. Or maybe it's something in between.

 

[Weebster]

Well either the men are disgusted by you for some negative trait you possess and the women simply pity you for that same reason OR the men are actually just jealous of your gigachad energy and the women are absolutely enamored by it. Or maybe it's something in between.

What would I be displaying that would show gigachad energy?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

What would I be displaying that would show gigachad energy?

If I had to guess: face, posture, clothing, etc.

 

[Weebster]

If I had to guess: face, posture, clothing, etc.

That seems to be it then. But underneath I'm a very insecure person and I don't walk around thinking im a badass. I learned as a kid that appearance is everything, so I try and present myself well in public.