Venting Why am I such a coward?

[KillingPain267]

I watch gore every week and feel nothing with it, yet I cannot get myself to just hang and get it over with. The benefits of ending it all far outdo the daily pain I am in. It's irrational not to just end it all. I want to be fucking done!!!!!!!

 

[hawkshorizon]

The reflective biological imperative to sustain life is very powerful and, for most at least, extremely difficult to overcome. I would try not to use labels like 'coward.' You're only beating yourself up, and it does nothing to further your cause, whatever it may be. Try and be gentler with yourself and give yourself more time.

 

[KillingPain267]

"Try and be gentler with yourself and give yourself more time."

How will being gentler to myself make me closer to ctb? I'm qlready so gentle, not even wanting to damage my organs from medical side effects.

 

[hawkshorizon]

"Try and be gentler with yourself and give yourself more time."

How will being gentler to myself make me closer to ctb? I'm qlready so gentle, not even wanting to damage my organs from medical side effects

"Try and be gentler with yourself and give yourself more time."

How will being gentler to myself make me closer to ctb? I'm qlready so gentle, not even wanting to damage my organs from medical side effects.

I have a long history of beating myself up and labelling myself with terms like coward and fool. What I've learned from observing this behavior is that it never leads to anything proactive; it only drives you further into self doubt and paralysis. I still call myself things, but I'm learning to tone down on that part of my automatic thinking and focus more on what needs to be done. By doing this, I'm less bound to an undisciplined mind and more able to see and know that I will carry out what I need to accomplish. Just a thought.