why am i still here

[blacklemonade]

im in my bed crying, my heart aches, i feel so lonely, im in a relationship but i can feel its going to end soon, even tho he hurt me so bad, now that i try to recover from it, he is annoyed that it takes too long for his liking, we get into fights every now and then. im so heartbroken. nothing in my life works out, im hardly able to work, im too depressed, i dont manage to keep my once close relationships to my friends,
everyones has had enough of me
i want to leave this world, this life, i dont know how to continue,i know everyone would be happier without me dragging them down, annoying their life. but im so scared it wont work out if i try to leave and ill end up in a state, not being able to try again.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

"Love" and relationships can hurt us so much in our lives. But the younger you are the more chances you have to find a better relationship. Nothing is fixed in our lives all is subject to changes. Feel free to vent as much as u want!

I'm sorry you you have to go through this.

 

[blacklemonade]

thank you so kuch, it means a lot to me
to be able. to let it all out in this forum
i am 38 years old, never thought id made it to this age
my past still haunts me, ive been in therapy for 9 years, i love my partner, its just he never was in therapy, he diesnt have tools and keeps running away from dealing with his issues, often times he doesnt understand why things hurt me, these thibgs he would be as hurt as me if id do it to him. i think ive given up on "love", people are so selfish and dont want to take responsibility, im tired,
life in general, i have never liked it, everything is so hard, even the tiniest things, i always wonder how people manage to live this life