Venting Why am I still depressed and suicidal

[iwanttobeanonymous]

I don't understand it, I should be happy. From the outside I have a perfect life. I've got a partner, a job, many friends, but my thoughts are still clouded every day. I recently opened up to my partner about the fact I've been like this for years, and they were very supportive, yet as much as I appreciate that it makes me feel worse that I now have to be an emotional burden on them. Suicide is not an option, the guilt I would feel while trying to commit the act has, and will continue to stop me from going through with it. I worry my bottled up emotions might result in me bringing harm to someone else. I used to self harm to cope with it but with how social my life has become I can't do that anymore without risk of being caught. How am I not happy

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Obviously you have "everything" what others don't have. Idk, did u ever consult a "MH professional"?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Was there a time when you were happy? Do you remember if there was something that caused a change in you?

If suicide isn't an option- and I understand why- then, I think you need to do all you can to make your life more bearable. Like @Praestat_Mori said- perhaps talking to someone professional could help. I hope you find a way through this.