Hellokitty3333
Member
- Mar 15, 2023
- 9
I literally hate myself so much and it is all my fault why I push others away. If I am not wanted I will just leave. I hate feeling like a burden but that is all I feel. Like no one wants me and none ever has or will. My bf will never want me really I know he doesn't because he can sleep fine without me and even when I am crying all night he won't really care. I am so selfish with him and he must hate me for it. He wants time away from me so I did something wrong clearly. I ate at my mom's house and I shouldn't of, two cookies and a poke bowl. God I am so fat I just wanted to start binging knowing he won't call me after. He says he worries about me but then only talks to me for a little bit. I can't tell him I need more. Why am I so selfish and needy all the goddamn time like why am I so reliant on others to make me feel halfway decent. I hate being alone, I just think and think until I just start planning my death over and over and over. I have thought about it so many times and I know I will die of suicide it just is when is the thing. I don't know how much I can rely on people when they let me down and I am all alone. I hate myself for it, why I am I so pathetic? And why can't he be here for me in the way I need. I just need him to talk to it's not like I need anything else. But that's too much, I am too much and no matter how much I stress and worry it wont be enough for anyone to really care to help because how could tey help when its all my fault. When I am gone they will be so relieved I'm sure. No whiney bitch to worry about. He says he is sorry but he isn't I know he isn't and why should he be sorry for not calling? Maybe because it sends me into a spiral but I am still worried about his stupid goddamn feelings. Never date a suicidal person as a suicidal person because then you are too scared to tell them the truth because of what they might do.
