Why am I second guessing

[SolomonKado]

At first I thought for a couple months about suicide. I researched most of the week for anything. A freaking facility helps you end your life in Sweden! Only costs about $10,000 or more. Plus you need a passport and if you don't have it then you have to spend time and money on that too. More research I went. I even found the PP Handbook and a couple of the best ones to do it have already been ravaged by government hands so it's way harder to get or can't, they added more of an additive to make it way less lethal, or made it so you have to be apart of a company to get it. I'd cross the border anywhere, but I live in a small town in the middle of the US. I'd travel, but people period set me off into panic attacks. Now more research later and I figured it out, but there is a slight chance it won't work because…. "Chemicals"….not only did I have to fight almost every day of my life to not kill myself, but I have to fight the other way also. I just want to comfortably and peacefully sit down with a guarantee this pain is finally over. I hate hate hate this thing called life and even now I might not do it because I have lost my will to function and not an ounce of motivation or effort is left in me. With my life I am something that stresses people out because they are so worried about me and have to help me even clean my house or mow my lawn…Nothing, I repeat Nothing… is easy.

At first I thought for a couple months about suicide. I researched most of the week for anything. A freaking facility helps you end your life in Sweden! Only costs about $10,000 or more. Plus you need a passport and if you don't have it then you have to spend time and money on that too. More research I went. I even found the PP Handbook and a couple of the best ones to do it have already been ravaged by government hands so it's way harder to get or can't, they added more of an additive to make it way less lethal, or made it so you have to be apart of a company to get it. I'd cross the border anywhere, but I live in a small town in the middle of the US. I'd travel, but people period set me off into panic attacks. Now more research later and I figured it out, but there is a slight chance it won't work because…. "Chemicals"….not only did I have to fight almost every day of my life to not kill myself, but I have to find the other way also. I just want to comfortably and peacefully sit down with a guarantee this pain is finally over. I hate hate hate this thing called life and even now I might not do it because I have lost my will to function and not an ounce of motivation or effort is left in me. With my life I am something that stresses people out because they are so worried about me and have to help me even clean my house or mow my lawn…Nothing, I repeat Nothing… is easy.

Also all I can think about is are people going to say wow he was a nasty hermit who ruined the profit value of everyone's house on the block? Their kids are going to be screwed up wondering why an adult neighbor on their street committed such a heinous act and possibly have therapy for the rest of their lives and maybe do it themselves.

Even when I know my life has been screwed up because I put everyone first…I still can't put me first.

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly see it as being so inhumane how suicide is purposely made so difficult in this world, I hate how we are denied peaceful and reliable method options but the problem is that other people wish to make us prisoners to this existence until we cease existing anyway. To me it's certainly such a hellish world we exist in where there is a lack of acceptance towards the right to die, I understand your frustrations, I also hate existing, having the option of a peaceful method like Nembutal certainly would be so ideal to me.