Help why am i not getting better

[foreverotting]

Despite how hard I feel I am trying, I keep slipping in and out of depression. My esketamine treatment helped, but I still contemplate suicide a lot. I feel as if I will never get better, that I am the unfortunate percentage of people who can't. I have tried everything I can. Countless medications with therapy, esketamine, TMS, a semi-in patient hospital, and a inpatient one.

I have been struggling ever since I was 12, 7 years of my life has been nothing but a downward spiral. I get better at times, but by no means can I function on my own. My mom makes my appointments, does so much for me, yet I can't even manage to get better for her and my own sake. I havent even finished high school yet and next year is my last chance to try with 9 classes a semester. I want my dipolma so bad, but I'm nothing but a lazy person. I want to be better, I want to be the person I dream to be, but I never can do it no matter how many nights I cry about it or even hurt myself over it. I'm tired of this life. Will things really get better? I feel like I'm losing my motivation to get better. I just want to not suffer anymore. I don't like life.

 

[Hollowillow]

Despite how hard I feel I am trying, I keep slipping in and out of depression. My esketamine treatment helped, but I still contemplate suicide a lot. I feel as if I will never get better, that I am the unfortunate percentage of people who can't. I have tried everything I can. Countless medications with therapy, esketamine, TMS, a semi-in patient hospital, and a inpatient one.

I have been struggling ever since I was 12, 7 years of my life has been nothing but a downward spiral. I get better at times, but by no means can I function on my own. My mom makes my appointments, does so much for me, yet I can't even manage to get better for her and my own sake. I havent even finished high school yet and next year is my last chance to try with 9 classes a semester. I want my dipolma so bad, but I'm nothing but a lazy person. I want to be better, I want to be the person I dream to be, but I never can do it no matter how many nights I cry about it or even hurt myself over it. I'm tired of this life. Will things really get better? I feel like I'm losing my motivation to get better. I just want to not suffer anymore. I don't like life.

So you tried everything... That psychiatry recommended.

Try nutrition. Lazy is actually energy preservation. You might have anemia, low vitamin b, c, magnesium ... Tests are useless when the norm is malnutrition. Just cut out anything man made & embrace nature in it's most still living form. Green & flesh

Allergies, lack of sleep... Trying too hard & burning out. Trauma. Being dropped on the head as a baby or something. I was only able to stay awake 5h a day after being hit by a car. Am I lazy or hurt?

Are you?

 

[again_noidea]

the first things you have to check and possibly change is your diet and your mobility, which means you have to each healthy and do some kind of sport 3 times a week (that can be yoga, running, swimming, tennis, whatever) - i don't know if you already tried this, for some it is a game changer.

 

[NumbItAll]

Hey @Mazzu I just wanna say you are not lazy and it is not your fault. I hope no one is making you feel that way. Depression is a mental condition, not a character flaw. It is definitely frustrating when you try everything and nothing works. I'm not sure how to help but I can say that CBD has helped me a lot when nothing else has. It might be worth looking into if you haven't already. I have written about it before so I don't want to annoyingly promote it in every post lol. I hope you can find something that works for you.

 

[Wilting Daisy]

I want to be the person I dream to be

What's one small step you can take to make this happen? What's something you can do for a little bit every day to create a routine to be this person?
You don't necessarily have to answer here, but when I feel low, taking a small action towards achieving something I desire fuels that feeling of fulfillment.

 

[y'ffre]

You are not alone. I have been struggling with anxiety, depression, and OCD since I was 7.
After all those years It became slowly worse and worse. And I started to not function properly anymore. I started college and I couldn't continue. That made me extremely suicidal. And then I was hospitalized 10 months ago and stayed in the hospital for about 4 months. I tried lots of meds and none of them worked even %1. I had ECT, which worked % for 35-40 but the effects faded completely after a month and I became my old self again. Then I lost my all hope for psychiatry and I decided to try other solutions. And some of them worked.
I am not suicidal anymore.

 

[je.suis.prêt]

For what it's worth, you are definitely not alone.

I sympathise with the gnawing desperation of wanting to do better, but feeling like you are too "lazy" to do it. The thought that one just can't seem to make things work makes a person feel even more worthless – I'm in the same boat, I'm a student too. I feel like life is rushing by without me being able to be who I want to be.

Take whatever small steps toward your ambition, one day at a time. Remember, your best – however small – is good enough.

I wish you an eventual recovery

Allt gott :)