Venting Why am i like this?

[RubySimon]

Seriously why?

Why am I such a stupud, useless eice of shit who cannot even do zer own laundry because I am too fucking afaid of bothering people?

Why do i no job, not flat nothing and I am already nesring thirty.

Whyy have i wasted so much time and money on stupid shit when I am clearly a tantless, ugly freak.

Why the fuck am I so lonely when i kniw objectively nobody cares i should just accept that I am nothing. That my death will ease the burden on eveyone forced to suffer though my flakey, dozey dinwitted existance


Im a cunt...i should judt hurry up and ctb instead of wsting time trying to get fixed...

 

[JazzyWolfWhistle]

Hey, watch your favorite television show. I wish you had a better opinion of yourself. I don't like hearing you talk about yourself this way. Enjoy something simple. Do the minimum to get by. But feel how you feel. I'm not you. I don't know what it's like to be you. But if nothing feels like it's working out it's a good excuse to watch your favorite show, or read a book.

 

[JazzyWolfWhistle]

Suicide is hard. You can end up maimed if you attempt and don't kill yourself. If you're maimed then you can't enjoy things you used to enjoy. Do you know for sure that they don't love you? It could be what your anxiety is telling you. I regret my suicide attempt because it's hurt my concentration. So it's harder for me to read. IS there another way you can express your gender identity? Maybe you can keep it quiet. You don't have to tell everyone about it. You aren't stifling yourself is you do this your just not telling everyone. But I don't know what it's like for you.

 

[Terminally drunk]

Special books by special kids is a good YouTube channel if you really want to know how unfair life is. Its a god dam kunt.

 

[dysfunctional]

It sucks, I feel much the same way. I'm 33 and have thrown away so many great opportunities that I've had over the years to make a great life. Now my brain is short circuited and I feel like there's no way forward, even if another good opportunity fell in my lap. For me it really sucks cuz I used to enjoy life and friends alot before everything fell apart due to my own mistakes.

 

[JazzyWolfWhistle]

But are you brain damaged dysfunctional?

 

[dysfunctional]

But are you brain damaged dysfunctional?

Not by any official medical diagnosis. Just major depressive disorder according to the docs. but I feel brain damaged. I smoked weed all day every day for over 15 years and it helped me with everything. Then I quit weed for a job that I ended up leaving and my whole life unravelled. I can't seem to do alot of basic things I used to do. Especially pack for a trip or organize anything at my house. Sounds stupid I know. I posted my whole story today if you're curious.

 

[Threads]

Brah, all sorts of people have problems. Read this board (In b4 bullying). You're not alone. You're amongst company.

I get the need to hold some accountability to yourself. Blaming yourself helps too. It helps make you feel like you have some bit of control. The reality is, you don't. I read your introduction post. You're dealing with some of the heaviest issues imaginable. Depression, Anxiety, having a learning disability, being unemployed, you've been bullied all through out your life, you're trans (Which isn't a bad thing, but it is fucking difficult to be trans in society, it's fucking draining with how people are).

I support your choice bro, if you want to CTB, I'm rooting for you. But don't undercut yourself. This life is chaotic, unstable, and wildly unfair, you've made it this far, you're a far cry from all the terrible things you wrote about yourself. You have to give yourself time and have realistic goals and expectations, which is damn near impossible, especially if you're suffering from everything you are. I couldn't even start doing my laundry or holding a real job until I was in my mid twenties.I'm almost 29, and I just started to piece my life together. I mean, literally, piece it together.

You have to give yourself credit where it is due, you've made it this far. If you constantly slam and attack yourself, you aren't going to accomplish anything, you may end up too depressed to even CTB (That's a thing too, CTB requires motivation and energy). You aren't at fault for anything you've gone through.

 

[RubySimon]

Thank you everyone for your replies.
I wrote this topic during an extreme downturn in my mental state. I am feeling a bit more stable now and will have my first session of counciling on friday. Which has me nerveous but they are an lgbt based group.

I am still on the fence regarding CTB. Looking at the journal I have been keeping so far since that breakdown. There's nit been a single "good" day. But there has been average days.

I want try whatever I can to get better and I appreciate all of the support.

 

[TAW122]

I'm in a similar boat too, and I hope you are able to find relief whether it is to continue living to following through with finding peace by ctb'ing. Currently, I've no job therefore no income and I've come to peace (personally) that I will die by my own hands, so I have decided to obtain my method very soon. I may try to improve my life, but at this point, I've also accepted that I may die and would probably just enjoy what little money I have before I come to point where I ctb.

 

[RubySimon]

I'm in a similar boat too, and I hope you are able to find relief whether it is to continue living to following through with finding peace by ctb'ing.

Likewise friend, I hope that no matter your choice. You find that inner peace that is so lacking in the world.