Why am I always the bad guy? (A small rant.)

[The_screaming_dawn]

Why is it that in every romantic relationship I've been in all of my partner's friends tell them to leave me? Why am I the terrible one? "You need to improve your mental health" Ok! Im doing that! Im just not doing it with YOU, I'm doing it myself and somehow thats a mortal sin. Oh no! I have to talk about it! Fuck you, I'm doing the work you want me to do, why the fuck aren't you grateful? "You need to do it for yourself." Myself? You mean the same dumb bitch thats been SA'd by 3 different people? The same one that got told constantly growing up that I wasn't worth a damn and all of my previous partners said the same with their actions? I open up to you and you use it against me or you make a stupid joke. "Oh well I make jokes to cope." YOU JOKED ABOUT MY CUTTING. The FUCK. I am so tired of this self improvement bullshit and he's made me do it so much that I cant even DO my old shitty habits anymore. I want to go back to slicing up this piece of shit body I dont want, I want to go fuck a random stranger and vomit and feel sick and disgusted because I'm probably demisexual. I want to feel physically worthless and I cant even do that anymore, now it's all just mental bullshit. Fuck this.

 

[kcon1243]

It's so heinous when people joke about your self harm. I told my ex in confidence that I found burns to be kind of pleasurable and they never let that go, mocked me repeatedly and then at one point literally burned themselves in front of me and were like "ooooh, so much pleasure" and it was incredibly fucked up imho. Relationships suck. Find it best to just be a lone soldier.