Who is waiting for a miracle too?

[noname223]

At this point my future prospects seem horrible. I failed a lot of times to work. It just made me very ill. So poverty is awaiting me. I am bipolar so a new severe depression is only a matter of time. I play for time as long as I don't feel extremely shit. This will be the time when I ctb.
I am just hoping for a miracle. Maybe a deadly disease which kills me fast or a deadly accident. Finding a girlfriend that gives me new incentive to live. Or someone in my family gets rich.
The truth is all of that is very unlikely and suicide seems quite unavoidable but I need hope. Life without hope is so horrible. I just want to trick me into thinking that everything gets good. My parents are so good at it. Ignorance is a bliss.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Hoping that things will magically get better is just a form of escapism. You have a better shot of it raining money than randomly waking up one day with all your problems suddenly fixed.

I guess it is the only way that some people can get through the day. I can't judge because I daydream all the time to block out unpleasant thoughts. Everyone has their own version of hopium to cope through life.

 

[FuneralCry]

Sometimes I wish things could be different for me but the truth is my fate is simply inevitable. I was never suited this for life in the first place and I am tired of existing in this body. Depression/anhedonia and physical health problems make me want to escape and I just love the sound of an eternal sleep.

Life is just too hard and it is basically an battle you cannot win. I just don't feel like I have a place in this world, it isn't for me and I've accepted that. My idea of a miracle would be to leave this world without having to ctb as that requires courage and can go wrong.

 

[Sans]

Maybe a deadly disease which kills me fast or a deadly accident. Finding a girlfriend that gives me new incentive to live. Or someone in my family gets rich.

It's the same for me. I'm kinda hoping I get killed in a drive by shooting or something like that. Something that wouldn't result in the suffering of anyone else, but would get me out of this rotten earth.

 

[WornOutLife]

If having a stable mind is a miracle, then I'm waiting for it!

 

[motel rooms]

Everyone has their own version of hopium to cope through life.

Suicidal ideation included, I'm afraid. Most of the people on SS will never actually ctb

 

[Celerity]

Suicidal ideation included, I'm afraid. Most of the people on SS will never actually ctb

Sad but true. I wouldn't bet on me going through with it either. It is more likely that I will limp on until natural causes end my life.

 

[Weary Soul]

I am on the verge of poverty as well.

I do not want to die; however, I cannot get help from the government in a timely manner. Not only that, but the help they offer will leave me at or below the poverty level anyway.

Without some income, I am headed for life on the streets, and given my age, gender, and illness, I foresee a long-drawn-out death if that happens.

So far, I have managed to extend my life through some help from a friend and by selling off assets, but now I am down to the wire so to speak; I have nothing else to sell off.

For what little time I have left, I find myself still hoping for a miracle, and that miracle for me would be money.

However, hope, or rather unrealistic hope, can be toxic IMO and miracles are pretty hard to come by these days IME, so it is kind of a catch 22. While I am still hoping for that miracle - realistically? I am doubtful that it will happen.

It breaks my heart that so many here find life so very hard. I truly wish it were better for all of you (and me as well).

<3

 

[bluedreamscape]

I have delusions that some wealthy person will take pity and give me money. Or that I'll win the lottery. I have extreme entitlement mixed with very low self-esteem.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Suicidal ideation included, I'm afraid. Most of the people on SS will never actually ctb

Do you think it is possible to just live with suicide ideation? Every passing year I am starting to care less about life and death. Ideally I would have died years ago but I am still here.

I would like to think if I hit rock bottom that I would be capable of killing myself. Maybe that is self delusion as well.

 

[Bigpink]

I think about ctb all the time but have yet to have the balls to even carry out a serious attempt. So I guess I'll wait for things to get worse and then berate myself.

 

[motel rooms]

Do you think it is possible to just live with suicide ideation? Every passing year I am starting to care less about life and death. Ideally I would have died years ago but I am still here.

Yes, it's entirely possible to fantasize about ctb until you're 80 & on your deathbed...

 

[Celerity]

Yes, it's entirely possible to fantasize about ctb until you're 80 & on your deathbed...

Man, I never want to get to the point where I physically can't carry out the deed myself. Certainly possible. Definitely probable. Ugh.

 

[Downbylife]

Don't know if it counts as miracle (cus I'm atheistic af), but waiting for medicines to start working for past 6 months and nothing helping so far