Who is in the wrong here

[finish.me]

Lived in the UK with my boyfriend for about 4 months before having to come back to America because of money problems, we've known each other for 6 years and have been dating for 2 and some stuff has happened recently and because of my suicidality and how emotional I've been I can't tell if I'm reacting appropriately to it.

we've been LDR since March and the plan has been for me to come back to him in a month or two from now and a couple days ago he said he wanted to put our relationship on hold. He said he still loves me and still wants me to live with him, it's just that he doesn't know what he wants and he's been lonely and stressed out. I asked him if figuring himself out meant that he was questioning his sexuality or gender because this has been a reccuring thing with him and he admitted he was attracted to a girl for the first time in a long time and at first I told him it was fine and I was supportive because I really truly do want him to figure himself out and be happy because I love him. But I thought about it more and was thinking about how there isn't a point in me coming back to live with him if we weren't a couple, so I told him I'm gonna stop planning for it until he can give me an answer. He said I should reconsider. A day or two passed and I realized how bad this is making me feel and then he starts texting me, drunk, that he's messing with a girl and I don't know I guess it just bothered me and I told him this sucks for me and he apologized. This has happened in the past where he told me he just wants to be really good friends until he knows what he wants and had kind of left me in limbo waiting for an answer, not being able to move on because of the possibility he might come back to me. which is what happened that time, like a month or two passed of us being "really good friends" while still having sex and doing couple things throughout this and he ended up being like "you don't consider us boyfriends..?" All confused as if he wasn't the one who broke it off in the first place. So fast forward to now, I ended up reaching out to his best friend who told me he's been telling people he's single but he still wants me to live with him which everyone is fucking agreeing with me is just weird and strange- why would you let someone live with you and sleep in your room and not expect them to pay full rent to do so if they weren't your lover?? His friend said I should just tell him straight up I'm uncomfortable with this. And I did, I said I couldn't do it and I think I got too emotional and just told him that he should just straight up break up with me instead of leaving me as a plan B Incase he's actually gay and that I can't live my life if I even have the slightest bit of hope that I'll be with him in a month or two. He got mad at me and told me that going from "I'm okay with this" to "this isnt what I want" was a really asshole thing to lie about and that he still loves me and wants to live with me and wants to shelter me and that even if he wasn't into me and I was it wouldn't be awkward for us to live together and that he doesn't want my plans to change and he just doesn't know what he wants.

Am I wrong for feeling like shit over this. Should I just let him figure himself out, am I being shitty by holding him back? I'm fucking lonely too and if he's gonna end up with a girl I don't know why he expects me to not be hurt by the idea of sleeping on his couch and not in his bed with him. I feel like I won't be able to move on until he gives me an answer just like the first time. What should I do. I'm already so fucking suicidal outside of this and this is actually pushing me to the edge.

 

[Sick&TiredURGH]

This one is not a keeper, throw him back!!
Seriously though, he sounds like a total shitbag.

 

[nys]

I'm not a psychologist or anything so I don't know much about this, but he seems a bit manipulative from what you've told me about him. He's the one who keeps breaking off your relationship and being with other people, but then he turns the narrative around and blames it on you and makes it like he's the victim even though it was his decision. Then he's telling people he's single, which to me seems like he broke up with you again, but he still wants you to live with him while he figures out what he wants. To me that seems like he's going to be with other people and if he breaks up with the other people or can't find anyone else, he'll use you as a kind of backup person? The fact that you think you're in the wrong when you're clearly not just shows how good he is at manipulating people and always being the victim so he can get whatever he wants. Again, I'm not a professional and you know more about him than I do, but that's what I think about him

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I consider it cheating that he was with a girl while you two were dating. It sounds a little bit manipulative. He was also lying about being single.

 

[Banshee]

I literally didn't even have finish reading your post. He's not sure what he wants but is trying to keep you on the back burner. At this points he's literal dead weight. Cut your loses cause he's not now or ever going to be committed.

Souce - I'm an actual piece of shit male that has done things like this.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Am I wrong for feeling like shit over this.

Nope! Not at all.

Souce - I'm an actual piece of shit male that has done things like this.

This made me laugh (much appreciated).

 

[NotGonnaLast]

Hey @finish.me I'm just gonna come straight out and say this. Your Ex is an asshole. And I say Ex because I truly hope you drop his ass as quick and succinctly as he seems capable of dropping you.

I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings, truly sorry, but he's using you as a back up. He doesn't want to be alone and is using you as that safety net to ensure he won't be. Ditch him, he's gaslighting you

Many people don't realise when they are in a toxic relationship but sweetheart, you're in one. I want to ask you to do something. Think of that person you truly love (in a non-romantic way) and picture them telling you that their partner is doing things like this to them, over a period of YEARS and ask yourself - what would I say to them? Would you tell them to stick it out? That they may have been like this for your relationship so far but they're 'still figuring things out for themselves' or would you tell them that they can't help themselves when they're giving everything they are to someone who's not willing to give them common decency back.

Sweetheart, he's a selfish person and he's not going to change. The more you give him the more he'll take and you are worth so much more than that.

That said, if you're still unsure then you need to ask the people that know him best. Ask them what they think you should do. Tell them everything. Tell them that he called you an asshole for 'lying' feelings change, apparently his did so why can't yours? Tell them that you can't do it anymore. You don't understand why he's being this way but that if you're going to live, and you're trying to, you can't be around him and his twisted version of love.

Then tell him to go fuck himself. I wish you all the luck and love in the world. Your ex on the other hand, I hope he fucks a tree and finds an angry squirrel hungry for nuts.

 

[NumbItAll]

I agree with the replies so far. You can never be "wrong" for having feelings. All you can do is be open and honest. If your needs aren't being met, I don't see why you should settle for being someone's option.