Discussion Who here is dragging their feet about wrapping up loose ends?

[Grandexit]

I have a list of things I need to do before the end. Getting my affairs in order and prep for method. I'm really dragging ass on it all. I need to rehome my pets, empty my house. Square things away. But I'm just floating in a sea of misery from day -to -day. I'm still doing some research about methods. But I could get to ordering any damn time. I'm not doing anything to "get better " if such a thing were possible. I keep telling myself I need to get busy living, or I need to get busy dying, this stasis is getting me nowhere.

Anyone else just dragging their feet?

 

[OneBigBlur]

I don't really need to do a whole lot like a lot of people here but I'm still contemplating whether I should even leave any notes before I go. I'm just trying to bottle up my emotions as much as possible before my CTB date, but that isn't working very well.

 

[PeaceisallIwishfor]

Yes. :/ The weight of inevitable death is not very motivating, I feel it gives me an excuse to procrastinate. "I can do it tomorrow, I'm going to die soon anyway."

I don't really need to do a whole lot like a lot of people here but I'm still contemplating whether I should even leave any notes before I go. I'm just trying to bottle up my emotions as much as possible before my CTB date, but that isn't working very well.

Same, it's getting really tough to stuff and hide my emotions.

 

[Time]

Absolutely. The pain from my decision to ctb & the aftermath comes & goes but the chronic depression & anxiety doesn't help & it's always been hard to fight the procrastination/laziness.

 

[End_Game]

I don't really need to do a whole lot like a lot of people here but I'm still contemplating whether I should even leave any notes before I go. I'm just trying to bottle up my emotions as much as possible before my CTB date, but that isn't working very well.

What is a CTB date? Also, just write a note in a text file on your computer. Clear everything off it and only leave the text file on the desktop, make sure to save it. Leave a sticky note near the computer with the password to sign into your computer. I don't think you should kill yourself and I'm not telling you or helping you to do it. But if you do do it, please leave a damm note.

 

[oopswronglife]

Me. I have most things ready, but stalling on a final few because I am angry I have to do this...shouldn't have to...but have no options. Everything is shit and each day is harder and harder to suffer. Looking at Christmas Eve to avoid the holidays and to stick it to everything I hate about modern society and my narcissistic family...but even getting there seems too far right now. I keep saying "ok trying this one thing and it IT doesn't work I am done"...but I keep finding excuses. I won't get what I need...nobody who can help cares at all. As much as every logical reason tells me "why live in a world/body/family like that" instinct still fights me. Just want it healed or over now.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Yep. I constantly procrastinate, over think and make excuses for why I can't wrap things up. I'll think oh I'll do it later and never write notes or anything. It's that damn tiny fading bit of hope left inside me that keeps me procrastinating with getting affairs in order. I swing between anger and sadness because I feel forced into ctb due to life circumstances...this is never what I envisioned for my life. And then thinking of the few people who care about me makes me further drag it out since I don't want to hurt them but I feel so trapped with no way out.

 

[Chonky_Seal]

I'm probably an expert at delaying what i need to do. The holiday season just makes me feel so guilty, i keep getting distracted by other things.

 

[Rushon]

I completely understand what you are going through and thinking. I am in the exact same place with my prep. I am a huge animal lover so make sure you take care of your guys! For me Christmas is a emotional rollar coaster, it makes my heart hurt just thinking about it.

 

[OneBigBlur]

What is a CTB date? Also, just write a note in a text file on your computer. Clear everything off it and only leave the text file on the desktop, make sure to save it. Leave a sticky note near the computer with the password to sign into your computer. I don't think you should kill yourself and I'm not telling you or helping you to do it. But if you do do it, please leave a damm note.

I meant the date of my suicide, having to wait so long is hard.

I was contemplating whether I should leave notes because I don't like any of the people in my life, if I were to write a real letter it'd be full of resentment. The only thing that would be worth saying is to take care of my dog.

The words of the dead fall deaf on the ears of the living. Even when people are alive they rarely listen.

 

[Farmmaa]

OMG... me !!!!
I've been allowing myself a month of excuses as to why I can't start mucking out my house/yard/greenhouse.
Admittedly, my house always falls apart during the summer/fall because I'm crazy busy with work, critters and then my flower fields when I get home from work. I usually am outside for at least 18 hours a day... come into the house when it's getting too dark out, eat something and crash.
This year however... it is out of control. Add to the usual routine the loss of my brother, loss of my pup, depression, constant financial stress... and then fostering a batshit crazy dog for a shelter so that she could have surgery - well... haven't cleaned a damn thing for months. My closets look like theyre straight out of an episode of Hoarding, Buried Alive.
I've also been collecting and cleaning flower seeds since August - so I have bags, buckets and jars all over the house.... and 57 boxes of dahlia tubers stored in my kitchen.
I know I can't leave all of this for anyone else to sort out... but it's overwhelming.

Finally started this afternoon and went through drawers and two of my old trunks. Threw away crap no one cares about and took photos of the stuff I can try to sell. Hoping to just leave my most prized antiques and family heirlooms and hope the kids want them.

Still haven't even been able to purchase my method because.... I have two large bills due next week and only half the money to pay them... so stress and broke. Story of the past decade.

 

[freefrommybody]

Yeah, I pretty much wasted the whole day today.