Who else just wants to go NOW but can't or have reasons to stay?

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Does anyone else have the temptation of just ctb right now regardless of what is going on in your life?

I've got a couple of things that I wake up for but I feel like the most important is slipping out of my hands. I am tempted to start my regime now and be gone by Wednesday. I don't know. I'm struggling.. I need something but I don't know what.

I'm so frustrated!!! Why do bad things have to happen to the people I love and care about? I just want them to be happy and safe but I'm useless.

Do I even have a purpose? What good am I if I can't help anybody? Almost all of my closest friends are dead and I'm more than likely going to experience more death of loved ones.

I'm so tired.
I'm so tired.
I'm so tired......

 

[Superdeterminist]

Yes, I would love to depart right now, I've been resigned to this for a long time now. Just the knowledge that certain tragedy awaits me in my future is motivation enough. Why should I be subjected to such abject torture? I know what loss feels like, and it is an intolerable feeling. I reject it. But those wretched barriers...namely, pain being such an impenetrable wall, blocks the way out.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I'm over trying to not hurt other people. Im done. As soon as I have the time to do it right, I'm done.

 

[dman12009]

God yes I want out now. But I fear failing again, and that is a cruel pain to be stuck with

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Yes, I would love to depart right now, I've been resigned to this for a long time now. Just the knowledge that certain tragedy awaits me in my future is motivation enough. Why should I be subjected to such abject torture? I know what loss feels like, and it is an intolerable feeling. I reject it. But those wretched barriers...namely, pain being such an impenetrable wall, blocks the way out.

I don't even care what happens to me. My heart is broken.. I'm broken from losing these people. From losing myself. Nobody should be subjected to this hell.

I'm over trying to not hurt other people. Im done. As soon as I have the time to do it right, I'm done.

I'm sorry that you have come to that decisions. I wish you well on your endeavor and may you be at peace. xo Hugs

God yes I want out now. But I fear failing again, and that is a cruel pain to be stuck with

I have failed a few times, but now that I've got SN, I know if I follow the regime to a T, I'll be gone easy peasy.

 

[JD8080]

I want to CTB today right now always , but I am torn because I would leave a Child behind. I feel as though something is pulling me so intensely to just shoot my self

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I'm tired too but I have to go on because of my family.

 

[parasytes_]

I've been having strong urges to CTB too, and it's been harder to mentally get through the day. A part of me wants to just go now, but I also feel like I should at least get through August since I graduate college at the end of that month. Only two more courses and I'm officially done, but god I wish I could speed up time.

 

[AnniesHideaway]

I've committed to let my cat live out her natural life before I CTB. She is 8. I have let everyone and everything down in my life ... I just want to get one thing right before going. It's a weird existence because I have completely checked out of living and just waiting for my time.

 

[TAW122]

I've decided to check out late this year and/or as soon as things permit. The pandemic, logistics, and living at home makes things more difficult than it should be. In end of 2019, had I foresaw how things were going to be in 2020, I would have checked out to avoid the shitshow that is present day, but hindsight is 20/20.

 

[MsMaudlin]

Yes, love to go right now, got all the stuff....but I have something in August I need to be here for

❤

 

[Red]

Every time I go to sleep I hope never to wake up. Always disappointed when I do.
It'll only ever happen though when I get a sniff of that stupid hope again, and go to sleep fully expecting to wake up and start a new, wonderful day

 

[all_pointless]

I'm pretty ready and so tired of being alive. Pretty sure I will end it one of these days.

 

[Zappfe lover]

Would have drank the SN by now if I had privacy, but I don't, so I'm just awaiting for the opportunity.

 

[all_pointless]

Would have drank the SN by now if I had privacy, but I don't, so I'm just awaiting for the opportunity.

Yes, me too <3

 

[draw a circle]

If I could I'd be gone like last year but here I am

 

[Deleted member 18655]

I'm waiting for the mail: one package of something I want and one of something I need. Them I'm gone!

 

[Unlucked]

I am waiting for my materials, then I would probably go.

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

I want to go but whatever i do there seems to be a block of some sort..

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

One of my best friends sent me a nice message today. He has four daughters, one of whom is my godchild. They are just about my favorite humans in this world. He said one wants to show me her new bed, one wants to show me the LEGO she's been building, another wants to have a dance party, wine wants to discuss Harry Potter with me. Those are four good reasons to stick around for a little while longer.

 

[Nymph]

I have to stay otherwise my bunny will suffer, I put got him, put him under my care so I have to go though with it...

 

[I screwed up]

I want to CTB today right now always , but I am torn because I would leave a Child behind. I feel as though something is pulling me so intensely to just shoot my self

I could have written that myself... Another thing keeping me from ctb is no SN ... The day I get it I hope is the last day of my life

 

[Grav]

It's been my mom and daughter for a while, but mom went 5 years ago. My daughter wouldn't handle it well at all.

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

I decided to ctb 4 months ago and have not doubted my decision for a second. But I have to wait another 2 months because I want to help someone before I leave.

But waiting is becoming unbearable and I am no longer sure that I will be strong enough to wait.
I long for death so I don't think about anything else 24 hours a day.

I even dream of my suicide.
See the whole process and my death.
It is beautiful dreams in which I am finally happy again

 

[catsarecool]

Trying to get supplies for my preferred CTB method and I'll be probably gone pretty fast when that happens. I also have a backup plan if I don't manage to get what I need. I'm ready for everything to be over.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Yeah, I often feel like life is closing in one me and I just want to run away right now

 

[Cashewmilk]

Well I have my hedgehog and he was diagnosed with cancer recently, so it's just a matter of time. But I still don't have a method, jumping is the only feasible one for me imo, I can't stomach any poison especially SN, with SN I'd be in excruciating pain and will make noise and someone will find me, it's a terrible method for me since I'm normally nauseous and have painful gut issues. I'm working on some spring cleaning and redecorating so I can feel better in my environment, but it's on hold because of the heat wave. I'm also buying lottery tickets every week lol, not spending too much. Hmm I don't know, really the only thing keeping me going is the fact that I know my life could be way worse, and there are worst situations to be in than this, and I'm better off than I was a year ago, I should be grateful that I'm here and no longer in a bad place.