I think maybe I have done a similar thread already but I could not find it in the search bar and honestly I have done so many threads I cannot remember all of them. I feel fucking depressed and suicidal extremely anxious to get my grades from the past exams. Self-loathing me almost every single second. But this is another topic.
I think many people outside this place who are healthy and don't have own experiences with suicidality cannot imagine why this place is so popular among suicidal people. Personally I think most of us have been dealt an extremely bad hand in life, being tormented daily and this forum gives some form of self-control back to the individuals. I mean we cannot choose the environment where we grow up or our own genes but I think if one experiences excruciating existential pain the notion of stopping to exist can be relieving and comforting. But this is also not really related to the core question of the title.
I have experienced a lot of shit on the internet when opening up about suicide. Some people told me to shut up, called me crazy and told me I should take my medication instead of talking such bullshit. Another time in a forum for people with more average lives the people gawked at my threads about severe persisting suicidality and left derogatory comments on my hopelessness. People blamed me for my suicidality and gave me advices like: The attitude makes the differences. Every problem is solvable if one tries hard enough. Change your perspective. For some people that might be true but certainly not for all. I am now suicidal since a decade was 7 times in clinics, tried more than 20 different medication, had 3 psychotherapies, watched self-help stuff on youtube, tried to live to an average life with a normal job, tried to achieve career at college. Honestly all these attempts only showed me how fucking hopeless my situation is. I cannot see any future for me that does not result in suicide. My life quality is horrendous and so many things will be worse in the future. So many problems accumulate and I cannot do anything against that.
I look at pictures of people who committed suicide. And I feel like yes I will be one of them. When I hear stories of people who committed suicide I often can relate to that pain. Maybe I almost watched a suicide attempt in real life recently. I am always too scared to talk about such stuff due to the risk of being identified. I am just a very suicidal guy. I think so much about suicide every single day for such a long time. Two therapists gave up and were also convinced that I am an hopeless case that will commit suicide. Personally I felt like in the psychiatry they associate suicidality with an evil or sinful trait of the individual. I think maybe it is their way to deal with such fates but it is not fair to the individual person.
I mean it is no wonder that I ended up here. On facebook they would ban me just for explaining my own honest thoughts and feelings that I experience every single day. I think it is bad that threads might replace Twitter the censorship of Meta is just toxic for our societies. At the same time I also would not open up on Twitter about suicidality. There are so many trolls there and bullying is common. Instagram made me depressive as fuck and felt superficial. I might would open up on youtube depending on the community. Though I also read many despicable comments in the comment section of youtubers who committed suicide. Things like: I hope he burns in hell for it, he deserved it (while being completely innocent), pretending the person did not try enough and some simple tricks would have solved all their problems without being familiar with the condition of the person. I read cynical jokes about the suicide of David Foster Wallace.
As a teenager I watched some gore and real life suicides on some platforms which I deeply regret. And the comments there were the worst of the worst. I could imagine people who post such disturbing comments under such videos probably have a pretty fucked up psyche and might be suicidal themselves. I think in this forum gore is more popular than in the average population that could have some other reasons like age. Though I could imagine being suicidal and watching such stuff might correlate with each other.
I never gave Reddit a chance. Though one reason why I avoid this place is that they can call the police when I am too explicit about suicidality. I would always have to be careful where to draw the line about my own situation.
I talked with my family about suicide. I know that is off-topic but I just have the same experience so often. I told them basically fucking everything in details my plan to commit suicide. I was so fucking explicit. Though I don't want to feel like I was doing it for attention so I stopped to repeat it. And after some weeks they completely forgot about it. This happened several times. (also similar experiences with therapists). One of my closest friends told me I should not talk about suicide with him anymore because it is too burdensome for him. So I have two very close friends who know my thoughts unfiltered and I am very very privileged to be in such a position. Though even for them my daily ton of suicidal thoughts was simply too much. It is easier for them when I can vent online and don't give them the full dosage of my daily self-hatred.
Now back to the platforms. I don't know any more platforms where I have made experiences. There might be religious groups that talk about this topic. One therapist asked me whether that might be an option to cope with my suicidal thoughts. (LMAO). Religion made my suicidality way worse.
I tried to talk with artificial intelligence about suicide. And they literally gave me the answer more than 100 times "You are not alone with these thoughts. Here is an hotline you can call which is always available for you." Why I never called such a hotline? There are several reasons for that but I don't want to discourage anyone to call such a number. I associate some bad things with it and I also read negative but also positive experiences. Okay I add some of my reasoning. This was also part of the assisted suicide debate in my country. I want to talk with a counselor that is up for any decision. This is something I really wanted. Someone who can give me a fully honesty opinion about possible routes and opportunities to try. When I tried to talk about assisted suicide with psychiatrists they fully blocked it. Implied I should not even think about that and they did not take my wish serious at all. I want that the discussion is open to any outcome. And I don't have the feeling there is any platform that gives me such an opportunity.
I know such a long thread once again. I try to distract me from my extreme fear about the exam results. I don't know what will happen if I failed the exam and I am really scared I could have a mental breakdown because of it. My anxiety is once again through the roof.
I think many people outside this place who are healthy and don't have own experiences with suicidality cannot imagine why this place is so popular among suicidal people. Personally I think most of us have been dealt an extremely bad hand in life, being tormented daily and this forum gives some form of self-control back to the individuals. I mean we cannot choose the environment where we grow up or our own genes but I think if one experiences excruciating existential pain the notion of stopping to exist can be relieving and comforting. But this is also not really related to the core question of the title.
I have experienced a lot of shit on the internet when opening up about suicide. Some people told me to shut up, called me crazy and told me I should take my medication instead of talking such bullshit. Another time in a forum for people with more average lives the people gawked at my threads about severe persisting suicidality and left derogatory comments on my hopelessness. People blamed me for my suicidality and gave me advices like: The attitude makes the differences. Every problem is solvable if one tries hard enough. Change your perspective. For some people that might be true but certainly not for all. I am now suicidal since a decade was 7 times in clinics, tried more than 20 different medication, had 3 psychotherapies, watched self-help stuff on youtube, tried to live to an average life with a normal job, tried to achieve career at college. Honestly all these attempts only showed me how fucking hopeless my situation is. I cannot see any future for me that does not result in suicide. My life quality is horrendous and so many things will be worse in the future. So many problems accumulate and I cannot do anything against that.
I look at pictures of people who committed suicide. And I feel like yes I will be one of them. When I hear stories of people who committed suicide I often can relate to that pain. Maybe I almost watched a suicide attempt in real life recently. I am always too scared to talk about such stuff due to the risk of being identified. I am just a very suicidal guy. I think so much about suicide every single day for such a long time. Two therapists gave up and were also convinced that I am an hopeless case that will commit suicide. Personally I felt like in the psychiatry they associate suicidality with an evil or sinful trait of the individual. I think maybe it is their way to deal with such fates but it is not fair to the individual person.
I mean it is no wonder that I ended up here. On facebook they would ban me just for explaining my own honest thoughts and feelings that I experience every single day. I think it is bad that threads might replace Twitter the censorship of Meta is just toxic for our societies. At the same time I also would not open up on Twitter about suicidality. There are so many trolls there and bullying is common. Instagram made me depressive as fuck and felt superficial. I might would open up on youtube depending on the community. Though I also read many despicable comments in the comment section of youtubers who committed suicide. Things like: I hope he burns in hell for it, he deserved it (while being completely innocent), pretending the person did not try enough and some simple tricks would have solved all their problems without being familiar with the condition of the person. I read cynical jokes about the suicide of David Foster Wallace.
As a teenager I watched some gore and real life suicides on some platforms which I deeply regret. And the comments there were the worst of the worst. I could imagine people who post such disturbing comments under such videos probably have a pretty fucked up psyche and might be suicidal themselves. I think in this forum gore is more popular than in the average population that could have some other reasons like age. Though I could imagine being suicidal and watching such stuff might correlate with each other.
I never gave Reddit a chance. Though one reason why I avoid this place is that they can call the police when I am too explicit about suicidality. I would always have to be careful where to draw the line about my own situation.
I talked with my family about suicide. I know that is off-topic but I just have the same experience so often. I told them basically fucking everything in details my plan to commit suicide. I was so fucking explicit. Though I don't want to feel like I was doing it for attention so I stopped to repeat it. And after some weeks they completely forgot about it. This happened several times. (also similar experiences with therapists). One of my closest friends told me I should not talk about suicide with him anymore because it is too burdensome for him. So I have two very close friends who know my thoughts unfiltered and I am very very privileged to be in such a position. Though even for them my daily ton of suicidal thoughts was simply too much. It is easier for them when I can vent online and don't give them the full dosage of my daily self-hatred.
Now back to the platforms. I don't know any more platforms where I have made experiences. There might be religious groups that talk about this topic. One therapist asked me whether that might be an option to cope with my suicidal thoughts. (LMAO). Religion made my suicidality way worse.
I tried to talk with artificial intelligence about suicide. And they literally gave me the answer more than 100 times "You are not alone with these thoughts. Here is an hotline you can call which is always available for you." Why I never called such a hotline? There are several reasons for that but I don't want to discourage anyone to call such a number. I associate some bad things with it and I also read negative but also positive experiences. Okay I add some of my reasoning. This was also part of the assisted suicide debate in my country. I want to talk with a counselor that is up for any decision. This is something I really wanted. Someone who can give me a fully honesty opinion about possible routes and opportunities to try. When I tried to talk about assisted suicide with psychiatrists they fully blocked it. Implied I should not even think about that and they did not take my wish serious at all. I want that the discussion is open to any outcome. And I don't have the feeling there is any platform that gives me such an opportunity.
I know such a long thread once again. I try to distract me from my extreme fear about the exam results. I don't know what will happen if I failed the exam and I am really scared I could have a mental breakdown because of it. My anxiety is once again through the roof.
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