Discussion Which things are the reason for you to want ctb? (including illnesses)

[_Minsk]

HI there:>,

I always come across about the topic health here on SS, which seems to play one of the biggest roles for people wanting to ctb in here.

I wonder which health and general(like money,..) related issues you are struggling with and which of them leave you to feel (more) suicidal?
Would you give life another try, if you could beat any of your ailments, or would you still plan ctbing?

Spoiler: Mine

I start with mine:

Health:
Social Anxiety/Phobia, Depression, Fibromyalgia (chronic pain), Insomnia + Sleep paralysis/Exploding head syndrome, Depersonalisation/Derealisation, Hsp, anxiety, Panic attacks, ocd

General:
Life's just unfair (some are born disabled while some got it all), Diseases exist, i mean its hilarious how many of them exist,.., People are egoistic and its part of our human nature

I think i wouldn't give life another try if i could get rid of my issues.. the damage already has happened, life it self is way to traumatic with its pitfalls and diseases..

edit: feel free to post other disorders which i might have forgot to mention:)

 

[WhatIsMyLife]

Severe depression, and anxiety that has stopped me from getting anywhere significant in my life.

 

[Deathcabforugly]

God, where do I even start with this!

 

[BeeLoyal]

Severe Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Phobia, Somatic Symptom Disorder, an Eye-Disease which could make me go blind one day, and a bleeding disorder.

These are the official diagnoses.
The ones that actually make me suffer is the depression, the anxiety, the social phobia and perhaps the eye-disease.
Also in the teen psychatry I met a girl which later in 'freedom' became my girlfriend.
We even moved together, (at the age of 18) and in the end we separated, while still being in contact and in love and she slept with a guy I once called "friend".... this threw me off so hard. Now its been 2/3 weeks since she told me about it. We still "love" each other but its hard for both of us especially me. I cant stop thinking about it, it haunts me everywhere, doing everyday-stuff. I have never been betrayed and lied to this much in my life. Two of the closest people to me, lying to me and betraying me this hard. I have never felt this much disappointment, sadness and hate in my life.
I am having several nightmares a night since days...
Heavy Metal is helping me cope with some of my emotions, I am also taking Sertraline and Mirtazapine, which is probably the reason I didn't ctb yet, but I ordered SN yesterday.
Its just too much. I feel like i just want to go. Also this was probably way too much text. Sorry in advance.

 

[darkhorse256]

PTSD, anxiety, and memory loss from a traumatic event. The memory loss is what's killing me on the inside.

 

[Cancún]

pssd

 

[Csmith8827]

I just got dealt a really shitty hand in life but more than anything it's probably concentration camps (christian rehabs)and not being able to find stable employment to support myself. I'm in a very unique life situation though...but yeah. All this shit is trash I'm just trying find my way through it all.

 

[Rue89]

Mainly because my anxiety has become unbearable. I can't handle it anymore.

 

[GoBack]

Depression, bpd,. Chronic pain, eating disorder damage, addiction, isolation. I tried but not hard enough obviously

 

[Billicide]

I suddenly developed insomnia, panic disorder, anxiety, and declining health. I don't feel like myself anymore, and no doctors seem to be able to help me.

 

[Deathcabforugly]

I've got BPD, Social Anxiety, I can't finish getting my degree, I'm living with my mom again because I can't make any relationship work, my credit is screwed up, I can't keep a job, I'm studying something that is nearly impossible to get good at, (and I'm decades beyond everyone else) I've got a checkered past (can't pass a background check), and my wife died last July and its my fault she isn't here.....I'm not trying to top anyone's war stories, just venting.

 

[AcornUnderground]

Physical/chronic/terminal illness should be an option.

 

[_Minsk]

Physical/chronic/terminal illness should be an option.

i already tried to but seems like edit feature gets disabled after certain anmut of votes or time

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Lack of perspective (and motivation) on how to make a living for myself in a manner that won't prompt alcoholism and suicidality. Lack of ability to make (or want to make) long lasting, deep human relationships. Alienation from culture and friends/ family. Inability to play social games (small talk, politics). Inability to deal with bureaucracy or things that seem irrational/ unnecessary. Resulting from that, emotional pain, bad eating habits, seasonal self medication, anhedonia, lethargy, self isolation and so on and so forth.

Not sure what boxes any psychiatrist would tick off and, honestly, don't care much about it. My "depression" was always situational right from the start.

 

[Deathcabforugly]

I do have some good news though. I need an antiemetic for the SN protocol and I found an old script available for Olanzapine!!

 

[Boredsapiens]

Loss of hope and interest especially. I don't want to live anymore. I feel like everything is pointless, and my existence makes me suffer.

 

[nerve]

Limitations imposed by being severely mentally ill + effects of early trauma + difficulty finding appropriate treatment / services

Like therapy once a week is just not going to cut it and getting any help beyond that & medication management has been difficult. When I live in a rural area, it's because there aren't many resources and when I live in a more urban area, it's because the resources are stretched too thin. If there's just no room for me to get enough help, I guess that can't be changed, but I'm not going to go on enduring this weird sad little watered-down existence indefinitely.

 

[itsamadworld]

I want to CBT- because I have BPD/aspburgers, My emotions can fly all over the place, and I am tired of fighting it, I can go from an empath to a sociopath in 3.5 seconds. I have a lot of regret and shame, yet a big old chip on my shoulder, and a imaginary hit-list. I have a lot of restlessness and anxiety. I have existential crisis often,. I can maintain relationships, sorta, but it drains the freak out of me. I am tired of relationships and trying to read peoples faces and shit..when I just want to punch them in the face sometimes, I have OCD. ......I am just sick life...actually..

 

[FireFox]

I want to catch the bus because i dont want to live to see the next 10 years of my life. The future scares me .
I feel trapped in my life and nothing seems to be changing.

Nothing makes me happy anymore. All i want for my birthday is to be happy again.
I have a history of self harm, diagnosed with depression last year,

 

[porfin1234]

I want to CBT- because I have BPD/aspburgers, My emotions can fly all over the place, and I am tired of fighting it, I can go from an empath to a sociopath in 3.5 seconds. I have a lot of regret and shame, yet a big old chip on my shoulder, and a imaginary hit-list. I have a lot of restlessness and anxiety. I have existential crisis often,. I can maintain relationships, sorta, but it drains the freak out of me. I am tired of relationships and trying to read peoples faces and shit..when I just want to punch them in the face sometimes, I have OCD. ......I am sick life...actually..

I second all of this. Very much speaks to me.

 

[FireFox]

I've got BPD, Social Anxiety, I can't finish getting my degree, I'm living with my mom again because I can't make any relationship work, my credit is screwed up, I can't keep a job, I'm studying something that is nearly impossible to get good at, (and I'm decades beyond everyone else) I've got a checkered past (can't pass a background check), and my wife died last July and its my fault she isn't here.....I'm not trying to top anyone's war stories, just venting.

Sorry about your loss. Rest in peace to your wife.
What is your degree course in?

Remember why you picked your degree course that is the passion that will keep you going.
Dont be afraid to ask for help from your tutors
Good luck with your course and you can do it.
It is ok to gradauate late. Sometimes i wish i finished my degree late.

 

[Quarky00]

1. Physical
   1. Pain, trigeminal nerve
   2. GI, IBS-A w/ polyps
2. Mental
   1. Depression
   2. Anxiety
   3. PTSD (historic)
   4. Insomnia (historic)
3. Socioeconomic:
   1. No money to buy food
   2. No home (currently in shelter- awful)
   3. No family/friends

I also despise my country and can't see how I could survive here even if I got better -- people here are real violent hooligans/assholes (much more than the usual 'people are stupid' rant).

Physical/chronic/terminal illness should be an option.

I wonder which health and general(like money,..) related issues you are struggling with

In the poll there are only mental illnesses .

 

[FireFox]

1. Physical
   1. Pain, trigeminal nerve
   2. GI, IBS-A w/ polyps
2. Mental
   1. Depression
   2. Anxiety
   3. PTSD (historic)
   4. Insomnia (historic)
3. Socioeconomic:
   1. No money to buy food
   2. No home (currently in shelter- awful)
   3. No family/friends

I also despise my country and can't see how I could survive here even if I got better -- people here are real violent hooligans/assholes (much more than the usual 'people are stupid' rant).




In the poll there are only mental illnesses .

What country are you living in and why do despise it

 

[Deathcabforugly]

Sorry about your loss. Rest in peace to your wife.
What is your degree course in?

Remember why you picked your degree course that is the passion that will keep you going.
Dont be afraid to ask for help from your tutors
Good luck with your course and you can do it.
It is ok to gradauate late. Sometimes i wish i finished my degree late.

My degree is in IT. I ran out of loans to finish and have been 6 months away from graduating for years now. I'm studying software Engineering on my own and I am passionate about it, but the IT/CS landscape has changed since I was in college—ALOT! Thank you guys for the love and letting me vent!

 

[FireFox]

My degree is in IT. I ran out of loans to finish and have been 6 months away from graduating for years now. I'm studying software Engineering on my own and I am passionate about it, but the IT/CS landscape has changed since I was in college—ALOT! Thank you guys for the love and letting me vent!

The rise of artifical intellligence IT jobs will grow in the future take confort in that.
I wish i studied IT

 

[BPD Barbie]

BPD, Bipolar, depression, severe financial constraints, no job... The list goes on.

 

[muffin222]

Depression, generalized anxiety disorder, Autism, and irreparable emotional, mental, and psychological damage from childhood trauma

 

[nonamegirl]

I am getting old at a young age:

tinnitus
hyperacusis
eye floaters
back problems

All these combined + bad depression and bad anxiety and OCD tendencies all make for a horrific cocktail that has made me feel 90 years old and at the end of my rope (I'm in my early 30s)

 

[guacamole]

BPD and depression... lots of trauma during my life including abusive relationships and childhood, rape, bullying etc..:/

 

[lanitoasmr]

borderline sucks