Where to begin?

[misthios2040]

I was suppose to CTB in January. It has been 9 months since then. I fear my depression is taking its toll. For the past two weeks I have been using alcohol to lubricate just to get through the day. When I wake up, I take a shot. When I come back from work, take a shot. When I go to bed, another shot. I am finding it hard to push everything down and continue as if my past traumas didn't define me or paralyze me. I tried to kill myself today. I had the perfect spot, sturdy rope, but I chickened out because people started to walk by and surly they would have seen me. I ditched the rope (RIP faithful rope) and left before campus police found me. now here I am without a rope, no gun, and nothing to end my existence. I carried that rope for 7 years, waiting for the perfect moment and I fucking blew it. I am. a pathetic excuse of a human being. I am so FUCKING tired man. I just don't know how to overcome SI. I accidentally sent my farewell message to two of my friends and now I am afraid they will rat me out. I should have fucking jumped when I had the chance.

 

[whyyyyyyyy]

Take it easy, you're safe. Just don't freak out and get yourself committed. Nothing's fucked here. I think the key to overcoming SI is taking high emotions out of things. You want to be cool, calm, and certain here. You're sticking to the plan. No drama. Take a breath, just stabilize yourself. You have time, but make sure to try and avoid attention for this if you can, because that will suck.

NOT RECOMMENDING METHODS HERE, but if I were to hang myself, I would be sure to do it in a place where it's a full-on guarantee that no one will find you for hours or ideally days. If someone finds you too quickly, you're getting saved, and that is no fun, buddy. This is not a recommendation, but I personally would look Wataru Tsurumi's Manual of Suicide, which can be found on this board, and skim through the section on hanging.

Stay strong, feel free to message me if you want someone to talk to

 

[Vlad Tepes]

SI's a bitch, man, I know your struggle.

 

[Kitsuné_]

Im with u. Every day feels like the last. I can only go thru beer by beer and getting my hands on all I can

 

[telekon]

I was suppose to CTB in January. It has been 9 months since then. I fear my depression is taking its toll. For the past two weeks I have been using alcohol to lubricate just to get through the day. When I wake up, I take a shot. When I come back from work, take a shot. When I go to bed, another shot. I am finding it hard to push everything down and continue as if my past traumas didn't define me or paralyze me. I tried to kill myself today. I had the perfect spot, sturdy rope, but I chickened out because people started to walk by and surly they would have seen me. I ditched the rope (RIP faithful rope) and left before campus police found me. now here I am without a rope, no gun, and nothing to end my existence. I carried that rope for 7 years, waiting for the perfect moment and I fucking blew it. I am. a pathetic excuse of a human being. I am so FUCKING tired man. I just don't know how to overcome SI. I accidentally sent my farewell message to two of my friends and now I am afraid they will rat me out. I should have fucking jumped when I had the chance.

your alcohol distribution sounds like a magical prescription

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