Where in your Timeline did it all go wrong?

[Midnight]

Start of middle school .. 12-13y onwards.

 

[Volomori83]

I don't know if I can pinpoint the exact moment in my life where my attitude toward life changed, death has always been a huge part of my life; I found my granddad dead in his bed when I was 12; I found my flatmate dead when I was at Uni; I watched my closest relative suffer slowly and painfully and saw the peace in his face as he died. So I think that by viewing the realities of death up close so many times, I have grown to appreciate death as a process and part of life. I think those experiences have shaped my perspective on death and helped me realise that life has never, will never satisfy me, and that death will give me the peace that I've lacked throughout my life.

 

[LastDay]

First of all I was an accident lmao.

Followed by childhood physical, sexual, and emotional abuse of the people who were supposed to love protect me.

 

[Titania]

Everything was wrong from the beginning. Many bad moments were when I was neglected and abandoned by my own father since I was born so I have many abandonment and detachment issues. I was also sexually and emotionally abused by my step-brother from age 9 to age 12. I also was molested by my sister's childhood friend around 8-9 years old. This completely messed me up having any relationships with men thinking that men are disgusting and worthless most of my life. Always been afraid of men. Was always alone and dealt with my trauma on my own. This created many depression and anxiety issues and never been officially treated for it due to financial issues.

 

[Pegasus]

When my parents had sex with no birth control.

 

[mattwitt]

Friday November 13th 1992 @ 5:00pm est

 

[Ch92921]

birth/whomb

 

[Broken]

never found it easy to make friends. My dad used to make me feel rubbish useless that I didn't have loads of friends. Ended up getting in with the wrong crowd. That was 15 years ago. Been a cannabis addict since. Gave up for 4 months in 2015 but got bored with nothing happening in life and started again. Wish I'd never gone back. About a year later I met someone I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. If I'd stayed off the drugs I would have still met her and probably be with her now and would never of even heard of sanctioned suicide. Even when I came clean and told her I still smoked canabbis she told me she was there for me. I wanted to quit and live my life with her and that's what I promised. Not sure why I broke that promise. I guess I had learned the value of trust? She lost trust in me. she was the best and most positive thing that happened to me in 15 years. Feels like she was an angel sent to save me if I was willing to put in some work. It's absolutely destroyed me losing her because I'm left with nothing but regret and shame. I lived a bad lifestyle for 15 years and nothing ever effected me until July 16th 2018. The day I lost her. Not sure who I am or where to go. I lost love and a best friend, a friendship group, my happiness and the right to live. I just exist now like I did for 15 years before I met her.

 

[couragetodie]

That sucks to hear but I feel your pain. Seems to me I am most suicidal when I have lost a partner. Probably has something to do with loss from childhood coupled with shit coping skills when a relationship ends. The irony for me is that whenever I lose a partner I always think she was the only one for me and I will never find another. Thus far, I have found several, one after the other. I think Hollywood and the culture in general pumps into our minds that monogamy is the only way. Maybe she was the only one — maybe you will find another. I always hated it when someone would say there are more fish in the sea and all that cliche stuff. But that said it's true. I am at the point that I just don't even want to go through the whole courtship process — knowing that inevitably it will turn to boredom, heartbreak, etc. this is because my mind is conditioned for failure and pessimism.

 

[hemonpath]

never found it easy to make friends. My dad used to make me feel rubbish useless that I didn't have loads of friends. Ended up getting in with the wrong crowd. That was 15 years ago. Been a cannabis addict since. Gave up for 4 months in 2015 but got bored with nothing happening in life and started again. Wish I'd never gone back. About a year later I met someone I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. If I'd stayed off the drugs I would have still met her and probably be with her now and would never of even heard of sanctioned suicide. Even when I came clean and told her I still smoked canabbis she told me she was there for me. I wanted to quit and live my life with her and that's what I promised. Not sure why I broke that promise. I guess I had learned the value of trust? She lost trust in me. she was the best and most positive thing that happened to me in 15 years. Feels like she was an angel sent to save me if I was willing to put in some work. It's absolutely destroyed me losing her because I'm left with nothing but regret and shame. I lived a bad lifestyle for 15 years and nothing ever effected me until July 16th 2018. The day I lost her. Not sure who I am or where to go. I lost love and a best friend, a friendship group, my happiness and the right to live. I just exist now like I did for 15 years before I met her.

Missing the mark on 'the one' (if she was for you) is one of the worst feelings ever. I've been through it enough to feel dull about it, but there are still certain songs and phrases that trigger me because of those memories. Not a fun feel. Sorry.

 

[Broken]

I've always had shit coping skills with relationship breakups. Every breakup I've had I've been devastated. The only difference is every other breakup I've quickly come to realise that I could of done this or that better or different but I didn't no any better at the time. I've recovered because I have given it my all and its there loss. This breakups different. i can't walk away with my head held high. god I hope she wasn't the only one because I don't want to look back on this for the rest of my life noing I was that close to happiness.

 

[Broken]

Missing the mark on 'the one' (if she was for you) is one of the worst feelings ever. I've been through it enough to feel dull about it, but there are still certain songs and phrases that trigger me because of those memories. Not a fun feel. Sorry.

Does it get any easier? Lol they say time heals but I feel just as lost and lonely if not more, as I did half way through July 2018 when she left.

 

[hemonpath]

Does it get any easier? Lol they say time heals but I feel just as lost and lonely if not more, as I did half way through July 2018 when she left.

At a point, you will forget the date you even met her in the first place. They do stop taking up a lot of your headspace. But yeah sometimes in the oddest moments (esp. if you drink or the like) you'll remember them. I had an embarrasing moment last week where I phoned a crush at random years after the fact.

Otherwise, yes. You do forget. It doesn't rule. Life keeps on doing its thing and the days keep on coming and a point you're focusing on other things.

 

[Lefty]

Sometime after graduating high school. If I was able to go back in time, I would do things differently.

 

[Broken]

She no longer works in the same building as me (got made redundant and she got a new job at different science park) but every day I go into work it's like a constant reminder that I had such an amazing person and I through it away. Every time I see the vending machines I remember her beating it up because it stole her money. Walks around site at lunchtime. Sneaking off to costa when should have been working. Lol I really fucked myself by messing up with her. Possibly ruined my career as I can't get happy at work anymore

 

[LastDay]

That sucks to hear but I feel your pain. Seems to me I am most suicidal when I have lost a partner. Probably has something to do with loss from childhood coupled with shit coping skills when a relationship ends. The irony for me is that whenever I lose a partner I always think she was the only one for me and I will never find another. Thus far, I have found several, one after the other. I think Hollywood and the culture in general pumps into our minds that monogamy is the only way. Maybe she was the only one — maybe you will find another. I always hated it when someone would say there are more fish in the sea and all that cliche stuff. But that said it's true. I am at the point that I just don't even want to go through the whole courtship process — knowing that inevitably it will turn to boredom, heartbreak, etc. this is because my mind is conditioned for failure and pessimism.

Do you have Borderline Personality Disorder because I do. Childhood trauma and fear of abandonment are a big part of it.

 

[couragetodie]

Do you have Borderline Personality Disorder because I do. Childhood trauma and fear of abandonment are a big part of it.

I struggle with the traditional psych diagnoses. My diagnosis is that I have bad ptsd, had like 10 concussions, and because of all that suffer from bad depression. To deal with the depression, I would smoke a lot of pot which would lead to psychosis. The doctors would say this is bipolar disorder so they can justify prescribing anti-depressants and mood stabilizers. From my experience all of this is bullshit and I have found no relief from psychiatry. As my father was very abusive to me and he's a medical doctor probably doesn't help me accept western medicine. Also, my cousin who was a psychiatrist killed himself. So I don't know about BPD or Bipolar or fill in the blank. I just got dealt a shit hand at birth and never figured out how to fully recover from it. Thanks for asking. Hbu?

 

[couragetodie]

She no longer works in the same building as me (got made redundant and she got a new job at different science park) but every day I go into work it's like a constant reminder that I had such an amazing person and I through it away. Every time I see the vending machines I remember her beating it up because it stole her money. Walks around site at lunchtime. Sneaking off to costa when should have been working. Lol I really fucked myself by messing up with her. Possibly ruined my career as I can't get happy at work anymore

Yeah this stinks. I hate that feeling and have been there many times — the constant triggers.

 

[Redt2go]

I spent a long time on this but it doesn't even matter

 

[LastDay]

I struggle with the traditional psych diagnoses. My diagnosis is that I have bad ptsd, had like 10 concussions, and because of all that suffer from bad depression. To deal with the depression, I would smoke a lot of pot which would lead to psychosis. The doctors would say this is bipolar disorder so they can justify prescribing anti-depressants and mood stabilizers. From my experience all of this is bullshit and I have found no relief from psychiatry. As my father was very abusive to me and he's a medical doctor probably doesn't help me accept western medicine. Also, my cousin who was a psychiatrist killed himself. So I don't know about BPD or Bipolar or fill in the blank. I just got dealt a shit hand at birth and never figured out how to fully recover from it. Thanks for asking. Hbu?

History of childhood abuse and diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, MDD, ADHD, GAD, and have issues with disordered eating. Pretty much the whole alphabet lmao. That's why I was asking, I'm super aware of my issues and thus and I can see resemblance in others so it makes me think "Omg are we like totally twinsies?"

Also I don't know if you've tried or want to but Dialectical Behavioral Therapy has been pretty helpful, for me at least. My therapist (who I trust and love) thinks Prolonged Exposure therapy would help with the trauma.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

When I entered puberty, before that I was a child in paradise filled with happiness and imagination.

 

[KadathianStr1d3r]

Puberty fucked my life up and messed my head up too which made me do stupid things thay pretty much destroyed everybody's trust in me which solidified the outcast status throughout my teenage years. I tried to ctb numerous times yet i always get saved and this furthers destroys even more trust from others. Such cruel isolation gaved way to encouraging negative growths/deceases in the adolescent neurology which the school administration classified it as "disabled" landing me in special ed which completely hampered my education to a constant 6th grade curriculum despite me being in 12th grade! Ill share more later on.

 

[couragetodie]

Jesus, that's awful to hear. You really got screwed by the system. I am sad to hear that children are treated like this.

 

[AhG]

It started when I first got married. If I had asked before or even contacted certain people right away afterwards, I probably wouldn't be here right now. Things happen for a reason I guess.

 

[Sadand39]

Assuming you're not suicidal because of a philosophical or logical reason (e.g I've done that needed to be done so no need to exist e.t.c) where in your life did something go wrong? Was it bad luck or self-inflicted?

I know for a fact it was a time during my early teenage years when my brothers were finally leaving me behind and making their own friends, then started treating me like shit. It helped foster a great personality of basically being a pussy in my high school and college years.

I don't blame them anymore but I tracked down a lot of quirks and traumas that is easily explained by that time in life.

Or maybe I'm wrong and it's just my entire existence where things went wrong.

I want to say it first started when I was 25 years old and a guy I was dating gave me hsv2. I had just started nursing school so the added stress of knowing I was tainted, poison and diseased made all the normal stresses worse. I was being harrassed by an ex friend on top of that. I don't know how I survived through those times. My nursing instructors insisted I get antidepressants but my family thought that was a stupid idea and thought I should just pull myself up by the boot straps and all would be ok. My instructor knowing that I had just lost my father as well and made me do clinicals in the ICU where he breathed his last breath. I'm crying while telling this. Pretty much life has been a downward spiral since and every day I want to die more.

 

[Lara Francis]

Assuming you're not suicidal because of a philosophical or logical reason (e.g I've done that needed to be done so no need to exist e.t.c) where in your life did something go wrong? Was it bad luck or self-inflicted?

I know for a fact it was a time during my early teenage years when my brothers were finally leaving me behind and making their own friends, then started treating me like shit. It helped foster a great personality of basically being a pussy in my high school and college years.

I don't blame them anymore but I tracked down a lot of quirks and traumas that is easily explained by that time in life.

Or maybe I'm wrong and it's just my entire existence where things went wrong.

The day my husband died.

 

[Sixfeetunder]

Honestly, I think I was destined since the start to kill myself. There was a shitty situation at home (not my parents fault) that messed me up, and I seem to have a genetic predisposition to mental disorders. I first had a suicidal thought when I was 9, I remember googling how to hang myself. (But 9 year olds aren't very good at googling so I had trouble finding a reliable website). My genetic predisposition and shitty family situation caught up to me when I was 13. Now I'm 21 and the problem has been resolved for years, but it has permanently affected me. (It was 100% NOT my parents fault, something out of their control happened that affected the whole family. I was showing warning signs for a mood disorder since 4 or 5, so I think the combination did me in). I also have always been young for my age if that makes sense.

 

[Roadkill]

it all went wrong for me when I divorced my wife.. I still haven't gotten over her(we divorced in 2009)