Where are you from?

[Nat.]

Spain

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

I ruined my career/ opportunities with drinking and drugs. At the time I was having fun and didn't even realize it until it all exploded on my face. I have no Idea what i'm going to do and fear that it's too late to restart. I've been bipolar/depressed for a very long time and I'm just kind of tired of the ups and downs. I wish I could have kept control of my mind in the past, but this is the path that I chose... My parents are very supportive of me at 29 years old, I couldn't even keep down a job in customer service. I have friends who are doctors/investigators/professors and it kills me not being there with them. Right now I'm trying to help others out by getting more involved in my church, hopefully I can help people avoid the pitfalls that I could not and provide some support that I needed but was not offered. I am a failure and that kills me, it suffocates me, thinking about the opportunities I had and fucked up, but I just could not get a hold of myself, get a hold of reality, get a hold of anything to keep me on track. Everyone was an enemy, me most of all.

Right now, more than ever, the world is fucked, being depressed/sad/angry/suicidal is very understandable. As a matter of fact, I can't understand how some people walk around like everything is rosey. Maybe everything is, but I just don't see it.

I'm 34 and I feel like I'm in the same boat. Funnily everything became worse when I stopped partying and taking drugs...
Ad no, not everything is rosey, but they just ignore all the shit, probably don't even see half of it because neurotypical...

29 isnt too late. i got a really bad spell between 21 and 27. i was getting arrested all the time, got a ridiculous criminal record, couldnt hold down a job, was majorly depressed and angry, tried to ctb, ended up in prison. when i got out, i got a dog. she changed my life. i know that without my dogs, i would spiral so fast, it would make my head spin. im not happy by any means, but the situation is at a tolerable level. you need to find that something, whatever it maybe, that will help you hold on. it could be some form of exercise, painting, drawing, singing, writing, puzzles, stamp collecting, whatever, just something...

I agree that 29 is not too late per se (as 34 isn't) but I don't want to just hold on while being unhappy tbh, I'd rather CTB... I want to have at least some of my dreams fulfilled and not just watch others having theirs fulfilled from the sidelines. That is just torture to me.