• Hey Guest,

    We wanted to share a quick update with the community.

    Our public expense ledger is now live, allowing anyone to see how donations are used to support the ongoing operation of the site.

    👉 View the ledger here

    Over the past year, increased regulatory pressure in multiple regions like UK OFCOM and Australia's eSafety has led to higher operational costs, including infrastructure, security, and the need to work with more specialized service providers to keep the site online and stable.

    If you value the community and would like to help support its continued operation, donations are greatly appreciated. If you wish to donate via Bank Transfer or other options, please open a ticket.

    Donate via cryptocurrency:

    Bitcoin (BTC):
    Ethereum (ETH):
    Monero (XMR):
Unseelie

Unseelie

Member
Mar 31, 2025
76
I want to hear from people on love. How they experience it. Just what it means to those struggling with... this.
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: nobody_oac, peacefulout and Average Joe
W

wham311

Enlightened
Mar 1, 2025
1,201
September. Lasted a couple months. First time I was in love since I was 17.

I've been with a lot of people and had many girlfriends but only in true life twice very short lived.

I stayed with people I wasn't sure of too long, and thise I really liked I was too needy and insecure
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: nobody_oac, nobodycaresaboutme, darksouls and 1 other person
cemeteryismyhome

cemeteryismyhome

Paragon
Mar 15, 2025
971
I'm not sure I actually really have. I used to think I did. But now I don't believe in it anymore. It was never reciprocal, because I'm a complete idiot in that area of life.
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: nobody_oac, Celerity, darksouls and 1 other person
TheShadowQueen

TheShadowQueen

≽^- ˕ -^≼
Dec 5, 2023
255
I've only been in love once and it was 3 years ago it was complicated and I wasn't aware I had bpd at the time so it ended horribly. I still think about her consistently I think it's a mix of the bpd and her being my first everything that won't let me forget.

I'm not normal everything i feel is in extremes especially when im in love so I don't think my input would give you any good insight.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: nobody_oac, nobodycaresaboutme and darksouls
Vlad Tepes

Vlad Tepes

Experienced
Jun 24, 2025
265
I have a soul crushing desire to have a girlfriend and yet I cant say I have ever been in love in my entire life (and I have CERTAINLY NEVER experienced reciprocal love of any kind).
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: nobody_oac and darksouls
Unseelie

Unseelie

Member
Mar 31, 2025
76
I've only been in love once and it was 3 years ago it was complicated and I wasn't aware I had bpd at the time so it ended horribly. I still think about her consistently I think it's a mix of the bpd and her being my first everything that won't let me forget.

I'm not normal everything i feel is in extremes especially when im in love so I don't think my input would give you any good insight.
I think your input is as valuable as any other hun. Thank you for talking to me about it.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: nobody_oac and TheShadowQueen
bankai

bankai

Visionary
Mar 16, 2025
2,340
I have never experienced love.Just too sad lol.I don't really want to involve anyone else in my bullshit.

I have 'liked' plenty of women.They have liked me in return. But I just can't do relationships.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: nobody_oac and darksouls
nobodycaresaboutme

nobodycaresaboutme

maybe my English kinda sucks
Jun 30, 2025
702
now, with my mental health therapist (50 over female)
we've had sessions for 7 years. she never judged me even when i planed ctb or started opioid use. and i finally found i'm falling love. in the last December.
it's tough to admit that this love will never be reciprocated and i don't deserve her.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: nobody_oac and darksouls
Average Joe

Average Joe

Forsaken One
Nov 5, 2019
419
I've only been in love once and it was 3 years ago it was complicated and I wasn't aware I had bpd at the time so it ended horribly. I still think about her consistently I think it's a mix of the bpd and her being my first everything that won't let me forget.

I'm not normal everything i feel is in extremes especially when im in love so I don't think my input would give you any good insight.
I'm so sorry, this hit hard.
I can't go on one of my ex's facebook or see a photo of her without having a full blown panic attack. Wish I could just see a photo of her without emotion
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: nobody_oac
bankai

bankai

Visionary
Mar 16, 2025
2,340
now, with my mental health therapist (50 over female)
we've had sessions for 7 years. she never judged me even when i planed ctb or started opioid use. and i finally found i'm falling love. in the last December.
it's tough to admit that this love will never be reciprocated and i don't deserve her.

That's pretty brutal. Especially because therapists aren't allowed to legally fall in love with their clients. Or have relationships with them. I'm sorry friend.
 
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: nobody_oac, nobodycaresaboutme and darksouls
darksouls

darksouls

Illuminated
May 10, 2025
3,382
my ex-boyfriends treated me like trash
I have given up hope
I am too mentally and emotionally broken for a romantic relationship
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: nobody_oac, SnowLeopard21, gottacheckout and 1 other person
TheShadowQueen

TheShadowQueen

≽^- ˕ -^≼
Dec 5, 2023
255
I'm so sorry, this hit hard.
I can't go on one of my ex's facebook or see a photo of her without having a full blown panic attack. Wish I could just see a photo of her without emotion
Same I get the temptation to check her spam account but every time I do that it either sends me spiraling or I just get super depressed and start blaming myself again for fucking everything up
 
  • Aww..
  • Like
  • Hugs
Reactions: nobody_oac, Average Joe and bankai
nobodycaresaboutme

nobodycaresaboutme

maybe my English kinda sucks
Jun 30, 2025
702
That's pretty brutal. Especially because therapists aren't allowed to legally fall in love with their clients. Or have relationships with them. I'm sorry friend.
In my country (Japan) there is no such strict laws that ban love between mental health professionals and clients, I believe. But I know professional boundaries still exist and acting on this feeling will destroy even therapeutic relationships. thank you for caring about me
 
  • Informative
Reactions: Average Joe
E

Eriktf

Elementalist
Jun 1, 2023
825
its been a few years since i even been interested in having sex...
i was in a relationship that ended about 4 years ago cant say i been in love after that. she was so fucking perfect but i fucked it up

she used to send me some snaps now and then a good while after it ended pretty sure i could have her back but i have *** and that manifested and become a big problem after thing ended and im not able to have much contact with people defiantly not intimate so i just ghosted all the snaps she sent me.

most symptoms from *** doesn't bother me becus the symptoms are what a *** wants but thinking back..
it sucks to have an idea about what life coud be if i wasent mentaly ill

fy faen i helvete din satans kattkuk hvor satans jævlig misserabelt livet mitt er

###
*** = ##Removing my diagnosis to make doxxing harder now that I'm a mod ##
 
Last edited:
  • Aww..
  • Hugs
Reactions: nobody_oac and Average Joe
Average Joe

Average Joe

Forsaken One
Nov 5, 2019
419
I want to hear from people on love. How they experience it. Just what it means to those struggling with... this.
I'm starting to love this woman I've been seeing for a month now, it's just hard to mask my emotions, especially with BPD, which amplifies everything.

I don't think I'd suffer as much if this relationship ended. Another ex of mine left me and broke my heart; it's bad to the point where I cannot see a photo of her without my brain going into flight mode. I wish I knew why my brain associates her as a danger or someone who could cause that reaction in my brain. I guess it's a mix of BPD and how the relationship ended.

I had an ex ctb last winter and it really messed me up, in fact, I don't think I will love anyone the same way I loved her, I know it might not be fair on my current girlfriend but it's weird to date after losing someone. There's a lot of guilt and shame involved.

I hope this answers your question and sorry it turned into a small vent. But that's my love life at the moment.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: nobody_oac
F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
15,354
It was limerence- an obsessive crush and the last in a line of them. I finally quit doing that to myself in my early to mid thirties (about ten years ago.) There's a guy now I could get limerent over but, I'm keeping my resolve to not do it again. Overall, it messes me up too much.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: nobody_oac and Average Joe
cylus46

cylus46

Student
Jan 28, 2025
107
I want to hear from people on love. How they experience it. Just what it means to those struggling with... this.
A few weeks ago. Asked her for her contacts this week got rejected :)
 
  • Aww..
  • Hugs
Reactions: nobody_oac and Average Joe
cme-dme

cme-dme

wants to sleep forever
Feb 1, 2025
566
Hmm, probably about 4 years ago? 4 years ago was about when my first and only romantic relationship ended and I think it ruined love for me. I'm not upset about it though, if anything it was a harsh wake-up call that I think I needed at the time. I'm in too poor of a state mentally (and to some extent, physically) to maintain a healthy relationship and I'm not sure if that will ever change.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: nobody_oac
Magi129

Magi129

a boomtown rats fan
Oct 31, 2024
33
Afternoon of August 14th 2024 (seriously). Maybe specific but probably it was only the day I took notion of such feeling I was and still having. I was a VERY strange thing. I thought myself as some sort of iron hearted man in all regards to romantic love. But here I am, being in love for me is kind of horrible, so yaaaay!
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: nobody_oac
Dejected 55

Dejected 55

Visionary
May 7, 2025
2,644
Last year. I had given up on love entirely in my early thirties... but when I was 53 I met an amazing woman and got to know her over that next year. She is a little younger than I am. I was 54 last year and she was 40 when I told her I liked her. She basically ignored me after that. It broke me. I'm sparing the details because I've beat it to death... but it broke me. I fell hard for her and it was such an odd experience once I told her I was interested... and I just decided from that point that there was no reason for me to be here.
 
  • Like
  • Hugs
Reactions: castlebravo and nobody_oac
xhelx

xhelx

decayed beyond recognition
Mar 1, 2024
105
A few months ago, still so in love with him. I've had decent boyfriends before but no one comes close to him. He's everything I could ever ask for, he literally changed everything. Never talked to this many people before him (as someone with terrible social anxiety), never went out this much, never thought I'd be worthy of so much love yet he proves me wrong every single day. I know it seems weird to say this on a suicide forum, but whenever he's around he makes my will to live skyrocket. He's the kind of person that makes me want to stay alive just to make sure that he is happy and that no one will ever hurt him. Never really wanted to have a family before yet every time I look at him I imagine having babies just as cute as him. I imagine him treating them just as good as he treats me. He truly changed everything in the best way.
But the bad part of having something like this is that I would literally go insane if this ended. I'd 100% kill myself that same day. Technically a win win if you think about it
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: nobody_oac
NonEssential

NonEssential

Hanging in there
Jan 15, 2025
568
My self-esteem has always been so low that I can't help but dismiss any feelings of love or attraction I have. I wanted to befriend this girl I met at a hangout place for young adults, because I haven't had any physical friends in over a decade, but she very rarely messages with me so I assume she is not very interested, so I feel I'm just going to leave her alone.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: nobody_oac
FoxSauce

FoxSauce

Emotionally unstable like an IKEA table
Aug 23, 2024
1,280
Well back in college a year ago. Wrong guy and was a waste of time plus I kinda new ot was unreachable.

For now I do like a freind but I doubt he likes me back. Plus he's far away tho.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: nobody_oac

Similar threads

C
Replies
1
Views
134
Offtopic
PanaxMan
P
misanthropist
Replies
3
Views
153
Offtopic
NyxCascade
NyxCascade
adachichichi
Venting Lack of love
Replies
5
Views
256
Offtopic
Not_A_Seagull
Not_A_Seagull
VegasLyra
Replies
5
Views
269
Offtopic
mars2027
mars2027