Whenever someone I love "I love you" says

[ardacalvin]

It's not just that replying back these 3 words is really hard, these 3 words whenever my mom, sister and my best friend, whose love I totally don't deserve, say, I cannot bring myself to say the same words or --the worse-- I just try to reply with a shitty hesitancy "yeah me too -- I guess--" All I wanna be able to is to say these words back or to show at least %50 of the love they show me that they deserve in return. But I will never be able to say these words back, why does it hurt to say these 3 words to someone who really deserves to hear them.

 

[maru.]

It's not just that replying back these 3 words is really hard, these 3 words whenever my mom, sister and my best friend, whose love I totally don't deserve, say, I cannot bring myself to say the same words or --the worse-- I just try to reply with a shitty hesitancy "yeah me too -- I guess--" All I wanna be able to is to say these words back or to show at least %50 of the love they show me that they deserve in return. But I will never be able to say these words back, why does it hurt to say these 3 words to someone who really deserves to hear them.

I mean, i'm not gonna pretend like i understand what this feels like, i can say these words to family members no problem, my biggest issue is feeling like it isn't genuine, but i can say it just fine.

For you to not even be able to say these 3 words in succession, well, i don't know what to say, with the way you talk about these 3, it seems like you really do love them, so saying that shouldn't be a problem.

The biggest problem here seems to be this feeling of not deserving that love, and to that i say, as harsh as it may seem, it doesn't matter if you feel like you deserve people's love or not, they still love you, it's still real, cuz it's something that comes from them, it's under their control above all else, not yours.

What is under your control tho, is what you feel towards them, and i can see that it's love, so own it, say it loud and clear.

Now, i know it's probably more complicated than that, so we need more motivation, i'll try to give a few tips to help you succeed in this:

1. Try hugging these people, it's much easier to say things like "I Love You" in a moment of affection, like while hugging.
2. Practice, if you have pictures of them on your phone, look at these pictures and say it, so you'll become more used to it.
3. Talk about these insecurities of yours with them, they'll probably say something similar to what i've said, that they love you regardless.
Again on "3", being open about your feelings to people you clearly love, can be helpful in overcoming any mental illness you might have, like depression, i assume.

 

[Soul]

Can you tell them "I know" and/or "thank you" when they say they love you? I think it's not uncommon for people to feel awkward or forced when we repeat what someone's just said to us. Finding a different warm response could help.

Or you could make a point of saying it to the right people proactively, with your voice or with hugs or in writing or in art, rather than waiting to feel awkward.

I like @maru.'s thoughts too.

 

[ardacalvin]

I mean, i'm not gonna pretend like i understand what this feels like, i can say these words to family members no problem, my biggest issue is feeling like it isn't genuine, but i can say it just fine.

For you to not even be able to say these 3 words in succession, well, i don't know what to say, with the way you talk about these 3, it seems like you really do love them, so saying that shouldn't be a problem.

The biggest problem here seems to be this feeling of not deserving that love, and to that i say, as harsh as it may seem, it doesn't matter if you feel like you deserve people's love or not, they still love you, it's still real, cuz it's something that comes from them, it's under their control above all else, not yours.

What is under your control tho, is what you feel towards them, and i can see that it's love, so own it, say it loud and clear.

Now, i know it's probably more complicated than that, so we need more motivation, i'll try to give a few tips to help you succeed in this:

1. Try hugging these people, it's much easier to say things like "I Love You" in a moment of affection, like while hugging.
2. Practice, if you have pictures of them on your phone, look at these pictures and say it, so you'll become more used to it.
3. Talk about these insecurities of yours with them, they'll probably say something similar to what i've said, that they love you regardless.
Again on "3", being open about your feelings to people you clearly love, can be helpful in overcoming any mental illness you might have, like depression, i assume.

The thing is I live thousand miles away from them. It happens on phone calls, but whenever I try to say just the words of "love you too", as if it physically hurts me to utter these simple and necessary sentence.

Can you tell them "I know" and/or "thank you" when they say they love you? I think it's not uncommon for people to feel awkward or forced when we repeat what someone's just said to us. Finding a different warm response could help.

Or you could make a point of saying it to the right people proactively, with your voice or with hugs or in writing or in art, rather than waiting to feel awkward.

I like @maru.'s thoughts too.

I wish I were just able to do that.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

@maru. gave a great analysis and advice, regardless of physical distance.

 

[maru.]

The thing is I live thousand miles away from them. It happens on phone calls, but whenever I try to say just the words of "love you too", as if it physically hurts me to utter these simple and necessary sentence.

I see, well, my hugging suggestion just became impossible sadly, but my other suggestions still stand.
I don't know if you use Telegram, or Whatsapp, or any app that allows for voice messages to be sent.
If you only talk to them through phone call, you could practice saying "I Love You" while listening to their voice recordings, but using their pictures is still an idea i like.
If after all of that you're still not able to say it, then i don't know, maybe some professional help could do the trick, if you have access to it.

 

[Nyxx33]

Those words are so often misused and abused
Whats it mean anyway
Don't tell me. Show me.

 

[Wanting2go]

Those words are so often misused and abused
Whats it mean anyway
Don't tell me. Show me.

 

[Arisa]

Those words are so often misused and abused
Whats it mean anyway
Don't tell me. Show me.

I agree. In Asian cultures parents rarely say I love you.

 

[Deltrus]

Rather than loving, I prefer to just be good. I have never strongly felt love, I don't think I ever felt love as a kid either. I think being good is a stronger concept than love. Love is corrupted by sex, christianity, love is turning yourself into a slave for someone, chaining yourself to them.

Like the vision of heaven where we just stay with our family members for eternity in a love fest? Screw that, that is rotting, I want to be free, completely unchained by what others think of me. I want to grow beyond god, I want to create endless heavens and push the limits of what is possible, I want to know things with absolute certainty, know this isn't an illusion.

I still say I love you to my family members, because that is what is good. It is a half lie, I definitely don't hate them, I just don't feel or want a bond with them. I just want them to be happy like I want for all beings