Water-Lily
Enlightened
- Dec 26, 2020
- 1,193
I used to love my grandmother a lot when I was a child. Like most children, I had a very black and white perspective of my family. And in this case, they were all "good"
Even amidst all the dysfunction and abuse around me, I wanted to believe everyone loved me
And while I do believe my grandma cares, as I've gotten older I've witnessed more and more of her abusive behaviors. Till I realized she's always been this way
I have an uncle with special needs. His life was ruined because of her. She abused him for his disability. He was in a special needs program at point, and due to an incident that happened she pulled him out.
She never put him in any program again
For over 30+ he's been trapped at home under he abuse. Whenever I visit (I don't as much as I used to for obvious reasons) she's wishing him dead, wishing he wasn't born, accusing him of being "lazy" and shaming him for his disability
As a mother, her role should have been to fight for her child. And instead, she failed him when she encountered one roadblock
Deep down, I don't think she even cared to begin with. Because if you love someone, you'll continue to fight for them when life gets tough
I then think of me. I don't consider myself to be a "strong" person by any means
I do therapy and meds, and I have moments where I feel like nothing is working
But I know if I permanent stop/give up, I'll be no different from my grandma who gave up. Now she and my uncle are suffering due to her checking out of life
Even if something isn't working, it isn't a reason to check out and stop working on yourself
It's ok to take breaks (You don't always have to work on yourself and everyone path of healing is different) but there's a right and wrong way to do it
Even amidst all the dysfunction and abuse around me, I wanted to believe everyone loved me
And while I do believe my grandma cares, as I've gotten older I've witnessed more and more of her abusive behaviors. Till I realized she's always been this way
I have an uncle with special needs. His life was ruined because of her. She abused him for his disability. He was in a special needs program at point, and due to an incident that happened she pulled him out.
She never put him in any program again
For over 30+ he's been trapped at home under he abuse. Whenever I visit (I don't as much as I used to for obvious reasons) she's wishing him dead, wishing he wasn't born, accusing him of being "lazy" and shaming him for his disability
As a mother, her role should have been to fight for her child. And instead, she failed him when she encountered one roadblock
Deep down, I don't think she even cared to begin with. Because if you love someone, you'll continue to fight for them when life gets tough
I then think of me. I don't consider myself to be a "strong" person by any means
I do therapy and meds, and I have moments where I feel like nothing is working
But I know if I permanent stop/give up, I'll be no different from my grandma who gave up. Now she and my uncle are suffering due to her checking out of life
Even if something isn't working, it isn't a reason to check out and stop working on yourself
It's ok to take breaks (You don't always have to work on yourself and everyone path of healing is different) but there's a right and wrong way to do it
