When you ruin your life in preparation...

[lighthousekeeper]

I keep neglecting my assignments because I don't think it's worth doing it since I plan to ctb... I tried last semester & it didn't work so my goals terrible & this year I'm doing it again aaaaa

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

Yep. 90% sure I'm getting fired tomorrow for doing the exact same thing. Hooray for self sabotage

 

[ecmnesia]

same. fucked up the whole college semester even though I'm a coward.

 

[elfgyoza]

I'm doing the same. Even though I enjoy my subject, it's difficult to find motivation when you know you're gonna ctb. Part of me kind of hopes that failing stuff will push me towards actually offing myself

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

Quite intentionally I stopped doing a lot that would have been necessary if I were to live longer.

Official appointments not kept, documents not submitted, rent not paid, insurance not paid. Daily allowance insurance premium not paid.

I used the saved money for a good cause.

But now it's time to piss off, otherwise it'll be very uncomfortable for me

Update:
Piss off time is Saturday, 10:00 pm (UTC+2).

Finally a secure appointment without the possibility of preventing it

 

[TooConscious]

I'm sure I subconsciously did this. Ie. Got myself into debt, jeopardised my health further, ruined good relationships couple friends, took more substances being well aware of the likelihood of developing addiction. Just many things like this.

 

[KleinerWolf]

I'm sure I subconsciously did this. Ie. Got myself into debt, jeopardised my health further, ruined good relationships couple friends, took more substances being well aware of the likelihood of developing addiction. Just many things like this.

@TooConscious

 

[gnomeboy17]

Yep haha, I do this exact same thing. I never end up CTBing, just gonna end up with a bad life.

 

[Buttlerix]

Totally can relate. I do want to ctb, but on the other hand Im not sure I will ever have the balls to repeat my attempt until Im totally broke and homeless, which gives a lot of anxiety and emberassment. Meanwhile pretending Im okay

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

Yep. 90% sure I'm getting fired tomorrow for doing the exact same thing. Hooray for self sabotage

Hey, so I didn't lose my job. For now. My manager was so positive and told me to enjoy my evening celebraring the fact I passed. How little she knows of how I will spend my evening ha. Now to continue fucking up in a way nobody seems to notice

 

[Sk1n1M1n]

I'm glad you didn't lose your job. Keep at it!

 

[Sprite_Geist]

It is a difficult position to be in. First of all you stop living your life because you believe that you will die soon, but then for whatever reason you do not end your life, so then you are stuck being alive with regret because you discarded all of your possessions and such. It is a horrible cycle.

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

I'm glad you didn't lose your job. Keep at it!

Thank you. It is always a cycle though, imposter syndrome is a bitch, and inherent among people like us. My bedroom looks like a hotel room because it's bare of everything from selling/discarding stuff ahead of when I've planned to go in the past.