When you realize you're the worst character lol

[N33dT0D13]

Not worst as in evilest or worst in terms of circumstances, worst as in least worthwhile by a wide margin, useless, inconsistent, unstable but still boring... I'm so mad I haven't been killed off yet

 

[-Link-]

Your very presence on this forum, your words here, your choice of avatar...

I mean, just seeing this short single post and I'm already thinking... Nope, this is not a character I want to see killed off.

But yeah, I get you.

 

[N33dT0D13]

Your very presence on this forum, your words here, your choice of avatar...

I mean, just seeing this short single post and I'm already thinking... Nope, this is not a character I want to see killed off.

But yeah, I get you.

I appreciate the sentiment but feel compelled to mention that I want to die because my two favorite people are enjoying pleasant conversation and trading ideas. Which is a good thing and also not a reason to want to die despite it making me want to die. That's just shallow / nonsensical character motivation lol

 

[-Link-]

I appreciate the sentiment but feel compelled to mention that I want to die because my two favorite people are enjoying pleasant conversation and trading ideas. Which is a good thing and also not a reason to want to die despite it making me want to die. That's just shallow / nonsensical character motivation lol

Whatever's motivating you to want to die, it's not shallow. You're talking about ending your life. Whatever the reason is, no matter what the average person might think of it, don't downplay these feelings/motivations by labelling them shallow or nonsensical -- they are far from it!

So, this is sounding like a tough spot you're in, and I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish I could say something that would make you feel better, but... I know how it goes, that it doesn't work that way... I hope you can get through this.

 

[kyhoti]

For most of my life, everybody but me was a two-bit NPC. Totally self-absorbed, with small bouts of awareness. Turns out that I'm the villain in the story, despite my own delusions of grandeur. Now that my health is shot and my mind is slipping, I feel like the GM has my character sheet in the back of his folder to explain someone else's back story. Sheesh.

 

[banger12]

I for one think you're pretty cool but I understand the feeling and I'm sorry you feel that way. It's like if you were in a show or movie feeling like the weird irritating extra. You're not that even if you feel that way.

I appreciate the sentiment but feel compelled to mention that I want to die because my two favorite people are enjoying pleasant conversation and trading ideas. Which is a good thing and also not a reason to want to die despite it making me want to die. That's just shallow / nonsensical character motivation lol

That's not as terrible as you think. Most people have moments of feeling like that over small or even positive things. Human beings can be petty sometimes. It's no big deal. Show yourself some grace.

 

[N33dT0D13]

I for one think you're pretty cool but I understand the feeling and I'm sorry you feel that way. It's like if you were in a show or movie feeling like the weird irritating extra. You're not that even if you feel that way.

That's not as terrible as you think. Most people have moments of feeling like that over small or even positive things. Human beings can be petty sometimes. It's no big deal. Show yourself some grace.

You're too nice to me and I like you but that's a bad thing cuz you presumably have other ppl in your life that you've known longer and I will forever be jealous of them if I come to like you too much and eventually I will come to hate you for it because I'm not your favorite. I only hate myself because I always end up hating others for not "loving/valuing/prioritizing/liking/etc. me enough" it never stops I am a black hole, nothing's ever good enough and I can't be happy with less, because everyone else is someone's fucking favorite, everyone else can be someone's number one, and I don't even mean in a lovey-dovey sense, best friends, close relatives, war buddies, why don't I get that... I'm just a petty angry hateful overgrown child lmao it makes sense I'm no one's favorite but damn, still hurts
I don't even need to die, just isolate from everyone but that would hurt so I'd rather just die lmao but eh either's fine-

...I hate when people just "like" my posts cuz it's like "oh duh they agree that I suck" and to be fair I do suck and me assuming the worst is part of why I suck cuz they probably aren't liking my post to convey to me that they agree that I suck (probably) but also... I'm tired of thinking and feeling. I'm tired of existing.

AND I HATE THAT POSTS TOO CLOSE TOGETHER IN TIME AUTOMATICALLY BECOME EDITS FUCK OFF WITH THAT

 

[banger12]

You're too nice to me and I like you but that's a bad thing cuz you presumably have other ppl in your life that you've known longer and I will forever be jealous of them if I come to like you too much and eventually I will come to hate you for it because I'm not your favorite. I only hate myself because I always end up hating others for not "loving/valuing/prioritizing/liking/etc. me enough" it never stops I am a black hole, nothing's ever good enough and I can't be happy with less, because everyone else is someone's fucking favorite, everyone else can be someone's number one, and I don't even mean in a lovey-dovey sense, best friends, close relatives, war buddies, why don't I get that... I'm just a petty angry hateful overgrown child lmao it makes sense I'm no one's favorite but damn, still hurts
I don't even need to die, just isolate from everyone but that would hurt so I'd rather just die lmao but eh either's fine-

...I hate when people just "like" my posts cuz it's like "oh duh they agree that I suck" and to be fair I do suck and me assuming the worst is part of why I suck cuz they probably aren't liking my post to convey to me that they agree that I suck (probably) but also... I'm tired of thinking and feeling. I'm tired of existing.

AND I HATE THAT POSTS TOO CLOSE TOGETHER IN TIME AUTOMATICALLY BECOME EDITS FUCK OFF WITH THAT

Maybe this is too personal to ask but do you have BPD by chance? Sorry if that's out of line to ask. Either way you can work on learning to manage these emotions and reactions to things of that sort. You're not a lost cause and you've got good in you. I understand that it hurts not being someone's favorite, I've felt that shit too. Forcing yourself into isolation will only make things worse. Please be kind to yourself and allow yourself room to heal and grow.

 

[N33dT0D13]

Maybe this is too personal to ask but do you have BPD by chance? Sorry if that's out of line to ask. Either way you can work on learning to manage these emotions and reactions to things of that sort. You're not a lost cause and you've got good in you. I understand that it hurts not being someone's favorite, I've felt that shit too. Forcing yourself into isolation will only make things worse. Please be kind to yourself and allow yourself room to heal and grow.

I dooooo, I already knew I had it but I still cried when my therapist told me lmao... I guess but I'll still feel this way, just less distressed? So only mildly distressed? I know I'll never be a normal person so I kind of don't see the point but I don't believe BPD is completely hopeless so applying my own logic towards others to myself, I should try... I don't want to out of spite and I know that's evil, I'm having an evil day and hate everyone because I just wanna be one fucking person's favorite but also a person I like back and is my favorite I'm so tired of... everything

 

[banger12]

I dooooo, I already knew I had it but I still cried when my therapist told me lmao... I guess but I'll still feel this way, just less distressed? So only mildly distressed? I know I'll never be a normal person so I kind of don't see the point but I don't believe BPD is completely hopeless so applying my own logic towards others to myself, I should try... I don't want to out of spite and I know that's evil, I'm having an evil day and hate everyone because I just wanna be one fucking person's favorite but also a person I like back and is my favorite I'm so tired of... everything

It sounds very exhausting and I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I think I would have a pretty interesting biography actually… I've thought about writing something framed as a fictional story, but it would likely be too depressing to sell. Plus I can't write for shit.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Not worst as in evilest or worst in terms of circumstances, worst as in least worthwhile by a wide margin, useless, inconsistent, unstable but still boring... I'm so mad I haven't been killed off yet

Yeah you know people say shit rolls downhill. I'm at the bottom of the hill. Somehow I always end suffering and paying the price.

 

[sugarb]

You're a different character to everyone.

To most people I'm a weird side character that doesn't really do anything.

When I CTB it'll be character development for my best friend.

To my brother I'm a less aggressive version of Roderick from Doawk thay doubles as a comedic device.

And to you, I dunno. Maybe a wise man, probably just a weird side character.

A guy I briefly talked to on here was a strange omen to me. To others he was just a guy

For all you know to somebody you're the love interest that pops up in Season 12 that everybody likes more than the protagonist's ex lol

 

[N33dT0D13]

I think I would have a pretty interesting biography actually… I've thought about writing something framed as a fictional story, but it would likely be too depressing to sell. Plus I can't write for shit.

I wanted to write a story about me and my friends but my self insert dies lmao, I still do, I might...

You're a different character to everyone.

To most people I'm a weird side character that doesn't really do anything.

When I CTB it'll be character development for my best friend.

To my brother I'm a less aggressive version of Roderick from Doawk thay doubles as a comedic device.

And to you, I dunno. Maybe a wise man, probably just a weird side character.

A guy I briefly talked to on here was a strange omen to me. To others he was just a guy

For all you know to somebody you're the love interest that pops up in Season 12 that everybody likes more than the protagonist's ex lol

I get what you're saying and like this post but what if your friend ctb cuz you ctb or it traumatizes them or smth? Which isn't to shame you cuz I'd be SUCH a hypocrite for that lol also I get it, I know my friends would be fine, sad for a lil bit but fine and move on completely which both comforts me but also pisses me the fuck off which is one more reason to die lmao also I need that last one, season 12 needs to hurry it's ass up

Do you like being a side character or just feel like one?

 

[sugarb]

I get what you're saying and like this post but what if your friend ctb cuz you ctb or it traumatizes them or smth? Which isn't to shame you cuz I'd be SUCH a hypocrite for that lol also I get it, I know my friends would be fine, sad for a lil bit but fine and move on completely which both comforts me but also pisses me the fuck off which is one more reason to die lmao also I need that last one, season 12 needs to hurry it's ass up

Do you like being a side character or just feel like one?

He won't, he's stronger than that. No shade to anyone here ofc (that'd be self-shade too and my ego's too big for that goddammit!!) I just don't see him ever killing himself for philosophical reasons and he'd probably push through the emotional reasons for better or worse. I don't know exactly how it'll impact him or if he's really as attached to me as I am to him but he'll be ok

I'm not sure about my mom or my brother. My brother doesn't have any other friends and my mom's my mom

Real lol. maybe we're just living 13 Reasons rn and when we turn 60 it abruptly becomes The Golden Girls… or perhaps Judge Judy.

I mean, it's fine. You can't really like or dislike it I suppose. In the life of one of my HS friends I was basically just a funny guy they'd known since middle school. Definitely a side character but that's not a bad gig. Meanwhile in third grade for the guy I punched I was character development maybe a season long antagonist

I hope I can be somebody's magical advice sensei…