Venting when people say 'reach out'

[Neraul]

I am utterly lost right now. I'm in a pit. I don't know what way is up. My head is a mess. I have nobody. I have flashes where I think I can ask for some help so I tried... and they keep saying yes we understand, that's fine... just let us know if you want to spend time with us, reach out if you need us. And it's killing me. I don't know how much more reaching out I could do. I hate every fucking inch of my being so much that I wish I could just disappear, I don't deserve to take up anybody's time I know but I have reached out and said please I can't come round I'm so anxious I need help. And I get told to reach out to them if I need help. I am so completely unworthy and pathetic that nobody wants to be near me. I simply bring people down and their lives are better when I am not around.
I was right the whole time. It's so hard to reach out. But I did it. And got nowhere. I am drowning here and trying desperately to keep going because it can't be yet but god nobody gets it and nobody has any idea. I just want to end my pathetic existence, there's no place for me here and the thought of having to keep going and mask this unbearable pain day after day makes me die internally anyway

I'm sorry I'm just absolutely imploding and have no outlet to vent but here

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Most people here can deeply relate to "reaching out", as we're so often encouraged to do, and then receiving wholly unsatisfactory responses, often through no fault of the person on the other end. Suicidality is by nature a lonely experience, hence why we need this place. You're in good company here

 

[Neraul]

Most people here can deeply relate to "reaching out", as we're so often encouraged to do, and then receiving wholly unsatisfactory responses, often through no fault of the person on the other end. Suicidality is by nature a lonely experience, hence why we need this place. You're in good company here

Thank you. It would just be nice to have someone reach in for once rather than have more confirmation of my total lack of worth in this existence. Thank god for this site

 

[Linda]

You can talk as much as you want here, and there will be people who will listen. The odds are that someone will have been in your situation before, and will be able to offer some help or advice.

 

[Timothy7dff]

Reaching out.
Seeking help.
Trying meds.
Praying.
Full-time work/full-time school new career only to have the deep state burn your life to the ground.

I bet most people on this forum have sought help from many people over many years. You're definitely not alone.

 

[Neraul]

You can talk as much as you want here, and there will be people who will listen. The odds are that someone will have been in your situation before, and will be able to offer some help or advice.

Thanks. I don't even think I need advice. I'm just so sad. I never ask for help because I am not worth it and I know they are busy. But they are my only option and I have done so much for them so I tried it. And all my fears were just confirmed. And now I feel more worthless than ever. I just needed to get it out.

And at risk of wallowing, it is not fair. For a variety of reasons, there is no way out of this for me but others have a family and a future and right now that hurts more than I can express.

 

[uBSUbc9904]

I am utterly lost right now. I'm in a pit. I don't know what way is up. My head is a mess. I have nobody. I have flashes where I think I can ask for some help so I tried... and they keep saying yes we understand, that's fine... just let us know if you want to spend time with us, reach out if you need us. And it's killing me. I don't know how much more reaching out I could do. I hate every fucking inch of my being so much that I wish I could just disappear, I don't deserve to take up anybody's time I know but I have reached out and said please I can't come round I'm so anxious I need help. And I get told to reach out to them if I need help. I am so completely unworthy and pathetic that nobody wants to be near me. I simply bring people down and their lives are better when I am not around.
I was right the whole time. It's so hard to reach out. But I did it. And got nowhere. I am drowning here and trying desperately to keep going because it can't be yet but god nobody gets it and nobody has any idea. I just want to end my pathetic existence, there's no place for me here and the thought of having to keep going and mask this unbearable pain day after day makes me die internally anyway

I'm sorry I'm just absolutely imploding and have no outlet to vent but here

Hello,

I am a sure that you are suffering. The reasons to seek help is to rule out possible causes that you suffer and find solution to it.

Many of this is due to one or more mental illnesses that is need to be addressed. For example:

Clinical depression is a severe mental illness that have many pathways to it. Also, clinical depression is a spectrum, some have so little that it is hidden on you and it is hard to be diagnosed. Clinical depression also comes with anxiety with it, and that is also a spectrum. Excessive guilt and shame is also caused by clinical depression and a normal person would not ever experience such intense shame and guilt, therefore, gotten be a mental disorder.

Mental disorders are not a choice, many are predisposition in our gene and can get activated. Clinical depression for example can be activated just by a slight of stress and having a bad day. In this case, you really need medication because you can't control your genes!

Have you tried visiting psychiatrist and be prescribed medication that reduce and control depression and also anxiety?

I hope this helps you.


Thank you

 

[Linda]

Thanks. I don't even think I need advice. I'm just so sad. I never ask for help because I am not worth it and I know they are busy. But they are my only option and I have done so much for them so I tried it. And all my fears were just confirmed. And now I feel more worthless than ever. I just needed to get it out.

And at risk of wallowing, it is not fair. For a variety of reasons, there is no way out of this for me but others have a family and a future and right now that hurts more than I can express.

"I never ask for help because I am not worth it ..." You might consider that you are not worth it, but that doesn't mean everyone else thinks the same. The fact that I responded to your original post tells you that much.
I read your introductory post, from when you joined this forum, so I have a rough idea of your situation. I'm not autistic but a lot of users of this forum are. (Someone calculated that around a quarter of users here are autistic.) From reading posts by other autistic users, you seem to have a lot in common with some of them, and I think they are the people you really need to talk to. (Unfortunately, the one I know best, @Malaria, is taking a break from the forum, so I can't refer to you her, but there are others.)

 

[Neraul]

Hello,

I am a sure that you are suffering. The reasons to seek help is to rule out possible causes that you suffer and find solution to it.

Many of this is due to one or more mental illnesses that is need to be addressed. For example:

Clinical depression is a severe mental illness that have many pathways to it. Also, clinical depression is a spectrum, some have so little that it is hidden on you and it is hard to be diagnosed. Clinical depression also comes with anxiety with it, and that is also a spectrum. Excessive guilt and shame is also caused by clinical depression and a normal person would not ever experience such intense shame and guilt, therefore, gotten be a mental disorder.

Mental disorders are not a choice, many are predisposition in our gene and can get activated. Clinical depression for example can be activated just by a slight of stress and having a bad day. In this case, you really need medication because you can't control your genes!

Have you tried visiting psychiatrist and be prescribed medication that reduce and control depression and also anxiety?

I hope this helps you.


Thank you

I've been in the MH system for years and tried many meds and therapy, even currently. They can't change outside circumstances; lack of family, friends, autism, loneliness, poor personality, incompetence etc sadly.

 

[uBSUbc9904]

I've been in the MH system for years and tried many meds and therapy, even currently. They can't change outside circumstances; lack of family, friends, autism, loneliness, poor personality, incompetence etc sadly.

Yeah I get you, hoping the best for you.

 

[Neraul]

"I never ask for help because I am not worth it ..." You might consider that you are not worth it, but that doesn't mean everyone else thinks the same. The fact that I responded to your original post tells you that much.
I read your introductory post, from when you joined this forum, so I have a rough idea of your situation. I'm not autistic but a lot of users of this forum are. (Someone calculated that around a quarter of users here are autistic.) From reading posts by other autistic users, you seem to have a lot in common with some of them, and I think they are the people you really need to talk to. (Unfortunately, the one I know best, @Malaria, is taking a break from the forum, so I can't refer to you her, but there are others.)

Thank you.
That's a sad but interesting statistic. If only we could all get together eh.
Thank you for taking the time to reply, I appreciate it

 

[Linda]

Thank you.
That's a sad but interesting statistic. If only we could all get together eh.
Thank you for taking the time to reply, I appreciate it

If you start a thread that includes the word "Autism" prominently in the title, you might be able to find some of them.

 

[Neraul]

If you start a thread that includes the word "Autism" prominently in the title, you might be able to find some of them.

Thank you, I might try that. High emotion is starting to fizzle out now so thank you for engaging with me a little tonight