When nothing matters to you

[Versailles]

Well, I have returned, after a long journey in search of a role that validates my meaning as a human being for the system, I managed to meet my family, to finally realize that everything is the same, nothing has changed, absolutely nothing, everything had worsened, leaving only a shadow of what was once my home, my cradle, nothing was left but a stacked mountain of unpleasant memories.

I should be satisfied with what I've achieved, should I? It's hard for me to find that feeling of satisfaction no matter how hard I try, I'm still empty inside, I don't know why, maybe past traumas or facing the harsh reality of this life. Whatever it is, I find myself in a situation where almost everything has lost any real meaning for me. But I want to relate some silly anecdotes that have happened to me in the last few days.

The Prolifers have started harassing me, it is not a constant harassment, but nevertheless I am seeing signs of said act, it is possible that they are working on getting my location or real name, honestly, this fact does not matter much to me, whatever whatever they want to do, their efforts are somewhat futile, I also don't mean to trivialize or belittle the fact that other members feel worried or threatened by such acts, they just don't make the same sense to me, almost nothing makes sense to me now, it's probably the prelude to my final conclusion

Recently, a friend criticized me and felt offended by the thread in which I expressed that one of my hobbies was going to prostitutes (hobby that is no longer interesting to me), my answer was that honestly I am not interested in following any moral rules or being perceived as righteous or improving my reputation, none of those things make sense to me anymore.

Right now my only concern is to find a job fast, I'm going through economic problems again, all this is a disaster that makes no sense.

Probably the luck that I had before is over

 

[Sleeper System]

I think it's funny that there is no way you actually talk how you write lol but anyway... I can relate to the escort situation. I was in that game slightly and I've become bored with it. It's not real and the urge passes. I think you will find a job. As long as you treat finding a job like an actual job. 8 hrs u should spend a day trying to get one. Making calls and talking to people. Showing up in person. With thousands of applications floating through, employers want to see people that take action and show up. Not just fill put the application and then sit back waiting for an email. You gotta really get after it.

 

[Versailles]

I think it's funny that there is no way you actually talk how you write lol but anyway... I can relate to the escort situation. I was in that game slightly and I've become bored with it. It's not real and the urge passes. I think you will find a job. As long as you treat finding a job like an actual job. 8 hrs u should spend a day trying to get one. Making calls and talking to people. Showing up in person. With thousands of applications floating through, employers want to see people that take action and show up. Not just fill put the application and then sit back waiting for an email. You gotta really get after it.

Yes, I am a programmer and I prefer remote work, I also forgot to mention that another of the inconveniences I am going through is that I am on the verge of being investigated due to an apparent case of fraud

 

[novem]

i like your hobby

 

[WonderingSoul]

Man, your first paragraph hits me hard. It's just an endless cycle of that never changes. I remember delaying attempting to ctb so that I can improve my life. In the end, nothing changed for me. I don't have a home now and I'm trying to look for a job too. It would be gone, if it wasn't so difficult. My mental illness is making everything worse and I don't have any money to treat it at the moment. I hate being stuck here so much.

Also welcome back

 

[WorthlessTrash]

How are pro lifers making headway to finding out who you are?

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you suffer so much. I know that it can be unbearable when everything seems so hopeless. I understand that it can be awful when things just get worse. I personally see no purpose or meaning to life at all, it is just suffering for the sake of it. To me, being alive is extremely pointless. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Hurt]

I'm so sorry that your life is getting worse. I used to go to prostitutes too but I'm not interested in sex anymore and I don't want to waste my money. I lost enjoyment in almost everything. I also have that feeling of bad luck.