When mental health professionals ask you if you have suicidal ideation

[lugerepair]

What can you even do except lie? I wish I could tell them the truth. I wish I could say "God yes, I keep thinking I would be better off dead, all the fucking time, it seems like the only option. I'm suffering, I'm desperate for actual help, for anything that could make me not have to resort to that". But no, you can't say that, because then next thing you know you're getting expelled or suspended from your university because they don't want the liability of a suicidal student (it's happened to other people) and you wind up at a psych ward having to put up with being in a triggering environment on top of everything else.

So then you lie, you say you don't have suicidal ideation, and then I guess your mood disorder sounds a lot less severe than it actually is, and then they give you advice meant for someone a lot less depressed than you. You can't fucking win. Basically, there is no getting around the fact that there is no real help. They know it. You know it. The best they can do is dodge liability like it's a fucking game of hot potato.

 

[Mentalmick]

I tell my cpn I want to kill myself all the time. She even examines my lovely stapled together legs after I mutilate them.

 

[WornOutLife]

After my failed attempt, I was in a hospital and a psychiatrist asked me: "Do you still want to kill yourself?" and I sad "Yes, I hate this world."
She prescribed me LOTS OF PILLS and I wasn't myself anymore. She even wanted to send me to a psych ward.

So, there's no way to be honest about ctb in most cases. I had to lie 5 months to my therapist and psychiatrist so as to be free and live alone again.

 

[booray]

My mental health team makes a distinction between active and passive suicidal ideation. Only if I said that I have a plan to ctb would they section me. Maybe you can feel them out on this by stating that you think about suicide but that you have no intention to do it because you don't think you're be able to overcome SI, or because of how it would affect your family. Then maybe you can get the help that you need without worrying about being locked up. I think the key is to emphasize that you don't have an actual plan to do it, but that it's a nagging thought. Hope this helps.

 

[Symbiote]

I'm pretty frank with my therapist. I have suicide ideation but I don't have any plans or methods or a time slot picked out. They're just thoughts, with no control over them and even if you hospitalize me, I would still have those thoughts. No medicine or life event can change that. Luckily she understands.

 

[fred farkle]

I wake up and begin thinking about it! I dont stop all day!

 

[ashedout]

I am thankfully able to be honest about straight up ideation with my therapist. She recognizes the difference between ideation, intent, and actually having the means to go through with it within reach. She would definitely do something though if I told her I had a plan to attempt with the means to do it or had recently attempted.

Are you able to speak with someone outside your school (or wherever you are)? Depending where you live, there might be low cost, no cost, or people who do a sliding scale payment method? You could also look into speaking with someone who's credentials are like a social worker that will have a different perspective than what you are being exposed to now? I am an adult and see a social worker who specializes in trauma and grief and it has been a better experience for me than other psychologists, psychiatrists, and medical doctors.

 

[sorella santini]

I don't have a therapist for this very reason, even tho my spouse keeps urging me to go. It would be a waste of everyone's time. And I would never mention my depression to any health care provider ever.

 

[loopylou]

After my failed attempt, I was in a hospital and a psychiatrist asked me: "Do you still want to kill yourself?" and I sad "Yes, I hate this world."
She prescribed me LOTS OF PILLS and I wasn't myself anymore. She even wanted to send me to a psych ward.

So, there's no way to be honest about ctb in most cases. I had to lie 5 months to my therapist and psychiatrist so as to be free and live alone again.

Can I ask what they tried to give you after you admitted how you really felt?

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

I would tell them that you aren't obligated to answer any of their questions related to that topic and if they keep pushing the subject I'd sit there in silence until they moved on to something relevant.

Calling them a Nazi fuck would suffice too.

At this point in time I'd personally have a zero tolerance policy with them if I ever went back to therapy.

 

[WornOutLife]

Can I ask what they tried to give you after you admitted how you really felt?

Lorazepam 4mg, aripiprazol (can't remember the mg), lamotrigine 200mg, clonazepam 4 mg and risperidone 4 mg!

 

[loopylou]

Lorazepam 4mg, aripiprazol (can't remember the mg), lamotrigine 200mg, clonazepam 4 mg and risperidone 4 mg!

Good god

 

[Silver]

I don't tell anyone anything, just in case.

If asked I would say I thought about suicide and had a plan but nothing more than that...

 

[hellodarkness]

I am open with my psychiatrist. She's a good person, she gets my reasoning

 

[Toonloon]

I just say I think about it but I refuse to answer if I have a plan. I don't really talk to anyone about my suicide plan but sometimes I spoke to a counselor about thoughts. He never 5150 me but it's cause I convinced him I had no plans. Even though I attempted it few days after seeing him once.

 

[AE2021]

My experience has been as others have mentioned. As long as you don't indicate that you have a plan they don't usually see it as an urgent situation that needs immediate action. But if you start laying out details of exactly what you are going to do it takes it to another level and they usually initiate some type of intervention. But of course each situation has it's own unique issues to be considered.

 

[loopylou]

When I attempted I was in hospital and the Doctor asked if I was still suicidal I lied and said no

 

[thundercat]

My experience hasn't been great.

The second time I told my therapist that I feel more suicidal, she told me that although she didn't say it the first time, she'd have to involve the police on the matter. Didn't sit well with me for a bunch of reasons so I let her go. Really hurt since she was the only person I had to talk to. Won't do it again.

 

[LakatosDiogenesz]

After my failed attempt, I was in a hospital and a psychiatrist asked me: "Do you still want to kill yourself?" and I sad "Yes, I hate this world."
She prescribed me LOTS OF PILLS and I wasn't myself anymore. She even wanted to send me to a psych ward.

So, there's no way to be honest about ctb in most cases. I had to lie 5 months to my therapist and psychiatrist so as to be free and live alone again.

You know how people talk about Golden Gate jumping survivors who "mysteriously" change their mind after making the leap? I believe that this is the case with a lot of them. Most people would lie if their last remaining piece of dignity was on the line.
Sorry you had to go through this.

 

[Trisolaris]

My psychiatrist knows I'm suicidal and that the only reason I'm still here is because I don't have access to a viable method.
She keeps suggesting that I get hospitalised but I refuse because I was hospitalised twice in 2020, without any relief.

 

[Blue Rose]

My doctor knows that I 'was' suicidal and that I had attempted to do CTB once.
She wondered my story, but I kept silence. To some extent, I am pretending to be fine and 'fixed'.

 

[W’ren]

My therapist knows i'm in a bad place but has zero clue i'm suicidal.
I'm worried that if i say i am, she'll drop me as a client and i'll have no one at all to manage my meds.
Which, of course, is a contradiction- why care when i'm going to ctb soon enough? Hell, i don't know. My brain is full.
All i know is i don't feel safe telling her or anyone around me that i am, or that i have the means- that i have what i need set.
I don't want to be sectioned.
Every month we check in and she says "you're doing better" and inside i have this sick laughter that's almost tears...
Cuz i'm so not doing better. I'm just hiding...

 

[Spiral]

I told the 100% truth to the mental health team, that I had a plan and had been saving money for means, I even told them of those means we're removed I would just hang myself for free. I told them they cannot remove every method and that I felt like I need to hurry to Ctb. Nobody sent me to psych ward and they actually asked if it would be ok for them to see me less often lol. I said ok. I feel like they want to wash their hands of me quickly. All fine with me, I can call them if I need them and I can choose not to see them if I want to Ctb. Not gonna lie, it feels good to tell them the truth and I had to take the risk because I don't want any falsehoods after I'm gone where people can try to say I was impulsive or that they never saw it coming. I have been planning this for years and I'm not irrational or deluded or impulsive my reasons are valid. I think the invalidation of people's reasons to Ctb after they are gone is immoral tbh :/

 

[ClairyFairy]

I've been openly telling them but now I feel secretive and can't speak to anyone. I feel more in danger now than when I was telling the people how I really was feeling

 

[Mentalmick]

I told the 100% truth to the mental health team, that I had a plan and had been saving money for means, I even told them of those means we're removed I would just hang myself for free. I told them they cannot remove every method and that I felt like I need to hurry to Ctb. Nobody sent me to psych ward and they actually asked if it would be ok for them to see me less often lol. I said ok. I feel like they want to wash their hands of me quickly. All fine with me, I can call them if I need them and I can choose not to see them if I want to Ctb. Not gonna lie, it feels good to tell them the truth and I had to take the risk because I don't want any falsehoods after I'm gone where people can try to say I was impulsive or that they never saw it coming. I have been planning this for years and I'm not irrational or deluded or impulsive my reasons are valid. I think the invalidation of people's reasons to Ctb after they are gone is immoral tbh :/

That's the same reaction I got. I think it's pretty common in the UK. The more people that kill themselves the less they have to spend on them. It's a win win situation for them. And the quicker they offload you the less chance of them being liable

 

[Spiral]

That's the same reaction I got. I think it's pretty common in the UK. The more people that kill themselves the less they have to spend on them. It's a win win situation for them. And the quicker they offload you the less chance of them being liable

Yea that's the impression I got too, also they are mega busy right now because of covid even the normies are having therapy. Personally I don't mind because there isn't actually anything that can be done for me at this stage that would make me change my mind so it does seem right that they focus on helping people who are having temporary problems because of covid. It would be a waste for someone who was otherwise fine to lose their life to Ctb because they couldn't get help during covid. Also it helps a lot with my anxiety to know that I won't be dragged off to the psych ward for expressing my feelings. Hopefully one day the whole mental health system will learn to ask patients if they would like to be prevented from Ctb or if they just want to talk and get their head straight before they go.

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

I don't tell anyone anything, just in case.

If asked I would say I thought about suicide and had a plan but nothing more than that...

This is what I say most of the time I'm asked... but there are times I have this inner warning bell ringing and feel I shouldn't even admit to that much and so I go with denying ever even thinking of suicide at all, in any way, just to be careful. It's hard to lie though when there's this naive, hopeful part of you whispering that "maybe this (doctor, therapist, whomever, etc) will be the one to FINALLY help you." and you're so mentally exhausted by years and years of pain and suffering and wanting to not feel so hopeless that part of you just wants to let it all out and tell someone how bad you feel...yet, you know you can't/shouldn't because the help you'll get is drugs and being basically imprisoned in the psych ward when all you want is someone to listen and truly HEAR you, and work WITH YOU to maybe find ways if possible to alleviate the pain without taking away your freedoms and dignity.

 

[Silver]

I told the 100% truth to the mental health team, that I had a plan and had been saving money for means, I even told them of those means we're removed I would just hang myself for free. I told them they cannot remove every method and that I felt like I need to hurry to Ctb. Nobody sent me to psych ward and they actually asked if it would be ok for them to see me less often lol. I said ok. I feel like they want to wash their hands of me quickly. All fine with me, I can call them if I need them and I can choose not to see them if I want to Ctb. Not gonna lie, it feels good to tell them the truth and I had to take the risk because I don't want any falsehoods after I'm gone where people can try to say I was impulsive or that they never saw it coming. I have been planning this for years and I'm not irrational or deluded or impulsive my reasons are valid. I think the invalidation of people's reasons to Ctb after they are gone is immoral tbh :/

Weren't you worried they would section you for being so honest?

 

[Spiral]

Weren't you worried they would section you for being so honest?

I had self admitted to a psych ward 4 days earlier and been sent home because there was a covid outbreak on the ward so I had the protection of being forced to self isolate for 10 days. I knew they couldn't move me but even if they had it would have been ok for me because my living conditions are pretty bad right now and I am stuck living with someone who is having a really negative affect on my mental health so a break in the psych ward, even with all the stress of it is actually better than my current situation. Also in the uk, at least in the area I live, if you are non violent and agree to go with them they don't treat you so bad. I think also because we have NHS and it's free they treat you more like its a privellage to go there, they don't have time and money to waste on people who don't want to go unless they are a danger to others. The 48 hours i spent in my voluntary stay at psych ward brought me some much needed peace and relief tbh and the staff there were really kind and gentle. It's sad that it's not like that everywhere :(

 

[simplynothing]

I lied when asked by my CPN yesterday when she phoned me. Suicide is more or less always on my mind. I worry that if I am honest they will try to section me.