SuicideByBelt
Student
- Sep 18, 2019
- 142
Hello,
By the time you're reading this, I will no longer be alive. I thought I'd leave a note on my profile explaining myself.
My brain doesn't have the ability to distinguish time - it doesn't matter if something happened a week ago, 1 year ago, or 5 years ago, all of it continues to affect me, and despite therapy, there isn't a clear sign it is going to stop. It keeps me up at night, wakes me up at early hours in the morning, and winds me into trouble at work because I'll find myself ranting to myself about something that happened at fifteen. I constantly relive every positive and negative experience I've had, and this has been ongoing since late 2017. It is an insane way to live. I don't have the ability to move on like other people.
But I've been lucky. Incredibly lucky. I've lived in 3 countries, I've skydived, I've made love, I've made friends from all over the world, I've travelled with friends from USA and Switzerland, done stand-up comedy, ran a semi-successful YouTube channel, organised a TEDx conference, and all sorts. I've been lucky to experience a wide range of things.
But unfortunately, I'm stuck with a condition which has disturbed me for years and it won't stop. I've been seeing a psychologist but I'm not convinced anything is going to change.
I bullied others as a teenager and put people through things they didn't deserve. This fills me with guilt as an adult. It may seem like I'm just being a dick, but it was a cry for help. I was hurting inside and taking it out on the world. I regret that. The rude and malicious in your life are probably hurting, too. When you realise they're afraid, it is hard to be as hurt.
Life is short. Fuck what people think or say. Go out and do what you wanted to do. There's so much out there to do, create, experience, and achieve. Don't let fear stop you. Don't be afraid to stand out.
As Sam Berns says in his TEDx Talk, be okay with what you can't do, because there is so much you can do. Don't look back, just keep looking forward.
It is easy to get bogged down by atrocities in the news, but seriously, in daily life, human kindness is fucking everywhere. Throughout my struggle for years, I've had support from so many places. Despite the problems, society is pretty neat place. We are the luckiest generation that has ever lived. On average, we are longer living, richer, healthier, more educated, safer and, even, happier, than any other people who have ever lived throughout history. Worldwide extreme poverty is declining, global crime is declining, global violence is declining. Innovation is constantly improving society and it is really exciting.
Above all, remember how lucky you are - to be alive, to have arms and legs, to have a home, access to food and water, access to education, safety. It is easy to forget, but at your worst day, you're doing better than someone's best day.
So that's all I wanted to say.
Thank you for every who has been part of the experience - both good and bad. You've all had something to teach me.
I'm out. It's been a fun ride, but I'm really suffering. Life is short: Be kind, make the most of it.
Peace.
By the time you're reading this, I will no longer be alive. I thought I'd leave a note on my profile explaining myself.
My brain doesn't have the ability to distinguish time - it doesn't matter if something happened a week ago, 1 year ago, or 5 years ago, all of it continues to affect me, and despite therapy, there isn't a clear sign it is going to stop. It keeps me up at night, wakes me up at early hours in the morning, and winds me into trouble at work because I'll find myself ranting to myself about something that happened at fifteen. I constantly relive every positive and negative experience I've had, and this has been ongoing since late 2017. It is an insane way to live. I don't have the ability to move on like other people.
But I've been lucky. Incredibly lucky. I've lived in 3 countries, I've skydived, I've made love, I've made friends from all over the world, I've travelled with friends from USA and Switzerland, done stand-up comedy, ran a semi-successful YouTube channel, organised a TEDx conference, and all sorts. I've been lucky to experience a wide range of things.
But unfortunately, I'm stuck with a condition which has disturbed me for years and it won't stop. I've been seeing a psychologist but I'm not convinced anything is going to change.
I bullied others as a teenager and put people through things they didn't deserve. This fills me with guilt as an adult. It may seem like I'm just being a dick, but it was a cry for help. I was hurting inside and taking it out on the world. I regret that. The rude and malicious in your life are probably hurting, too. When you realise they're afraid, it is hard to be as hurt.
Life is short. Fuck what people think or say. Go out and do what you wanted to do. There's so much out there to do, create, experience, and achieve. Don't let fear stop you. Don't be afraid to stand out.
As Sam Berns says in his TEDx Talk, be okay with what you can't do, because there is so much you can do. Don't look back, just keep looking forward.
It is easy to get bogged down by atrocities in the news, but seriously, in daily life, human kindness is fucking everywhere. Throughout my struggle for years, I've had support from so many places. Despite the problems, society is pretty neat place. We are the luckiest generation that has ever lived. On average, we are longer living, richer, healthier, more educated, safer and, even, happier, than any other people who have ever lived throughout history. Worldwide extreme poverty is declining, global crime is declining, global violence is declining. Innovation is constantly improving society and it is really exciting.
Above all, remember how lucky you are - to be alive, to have arms and legs, to have a home, access to food and water, access to education, safety. It is easy to forget, but at your worst day, you're doing better than someone's best day.
So that's all I wanted to say.
Thank you for every who has been part of the experience - both good and bad. You've all had something to teach me.
I'm out. It's been a fun ride, but I'm really suffering. Life is short: Be kind, make the most of it.
Peace.
Last edited:
