Two months ago, my life was great. I didn't have a care in the world (Well, apart from I was living in my office, and didn't have a shower).
But I had so much, a dear friend and soul mate who I helped, and he helped me - we were a unit, practically married, friends to one another's sickness.
An irreplaceable friend who protected me from the awfulness of this world, who was wise, and held me and looked after me and made sure I was ok.
He was my rock, my soul mate, my everything.
And then, he died.
And now, I have no-one.
No one to guide me, to point me in the right direction, to stop me from doing stupid things.
And now I am exposed to the pure evil in this world. The people who are looking to fuck me over and steal from me and rinse me and drag me through shit.
I have not been thinking more about Death, and suicide, that I have just recently.
On one hand it is crazy and selfish, because there are still people out there who care about me - but the evil people are so big in my mind at the moment - that it outweighs the little good.
I know that what I am going through now is just a phase, and I will come out the other side stronger for it.
But it doesn't change what it is like NOW to be going through this. I have only 2 weeks until the funeral and all the preparations are not done, because I'm fighting battles over possessions that he wanted me to have, but his estranged family want everything - like a pack of circling vultures.
They even want things that I can prove are mine - which I may end up giving to them anyway just to make them go away.
This is god teaching me a lesson - how I didn't appreciate my friend enough, how I didn't behave correctly always. But this is such a hard way to learn this lesson (By losing everything we worked for the last 10 years)
I will want to visit the doctor to get some Prozac or something, just to take this feeling away.
I know my problems is nothing compared to some people, but they feel big in "my" mind because they are happening to this (fictional)
"Me".
I will try everything, before I do the ultimate thing that I cannot ever go back on. Life is shit sometimes, but there is still sometimes good parts - and I guess those are what we stay alive for.
Luke.
But I had so much, a dear friend and soul mate who I helped, and he helped me - we were a unit, practically married, friends to one another's sickness.
An irreplaceable friend who protected me from the awfulness of this world, who was wise, and held me and looked after me and made sure I was ok.
He was my rock, my soul mate, my everything.
And then, he died.
And now, I have no-one.
No one to guide me, to point me in the right direction, to stop me from doing stupid things.
And now I am exposed to the pure evil in this world. The people who are looking to fuck me over and steal from me and rinse me and drag me through shit.
I have not been thinking more about Death, and suicide, that I have just recently.
On one hand it is crazy and selfish, because there are still people out there who care about me - but the evil people are so big in my mind at the moment - that it outweighs the little good.
I know that what I am going through now is just a phase, and I will come out the other side stronger for it.
But it doesn't change what it is like NOW to be going through this. I have only 2 weeks until the funeral and all the preparations are not done, because I'm fighting battles over possessions that he wanted me to have, but his estranged family want everything - like a pack of circling vultures.
They even want things that I can prove are mine - which I may end up giving to them anyway just to make them go away.
This is god teaching me a lesson - how I didn't appreciate my friend enough, how I didn't behave correctly always. But this is such a hard way to learn this lesson (By losing everything we worked for the last 10 years)
I will want to visit the doctor to get some Prozac or something, just to take this feeling away.
I know my problems is nothing compared to some people, but they feel big in "my" mind because they are happening to this (fictional)
"Me".
I will try everything, before I do the ultimate thing that I cannot ever go back on. Life is shit sometimes, but there is still sometimes good parts - and I guess those are what we stay alive for.
Luke.
