When did you suicidal ideation start?

[Electra]

Hi,
I was wondering when did your suicidal ideation start? I tried to put age intervals into stages, I couldn't find one approved staging, all websites have their own system with numbers changing a little bit. Mostly it's categorized into these groups. I debated whether to add toddler (1-4 years old), but I'm not sure how many people remember themselves during that time tbh.

 

[ForeverCaHa]

Early adolescence for me. Home life at that time was hard, and school was a nightmare. I didn't have a safe space, so I felt that death was the only way out. After I left my hometown for university the feelings subsided somewhat, but never fully disappeared.

 

[SilentSadness]

Around 12-13, probably because people were nicer before then.

 

[Electra]

Early adolescence for me. Home life at that time was hard, and school was a nightmare. I didn't have a safe space, so I felt that death was the only way out. After I left my hometown for university the feelings subsided somewhat, but never fully disappeared.

I'm sorry you had to go through that <3

Around 12-13, probably because people were nicer before then.

I feel like at that age people start projecting their ideals on you more. Before that you're a child, around that age, their expectations of you rise. I hated that.

 

[PI3.14]

Around 19

 

[Anonymousa]

12 or 13. School was getting too much for me at that point with the repetitive boring and torture I had to go through for long grueling hours with the constant fear of teachers being angry or disappointed in me.

 

[FuneralCry]

I've always wished to not exist and it's all I could ever wish for, I'd always prefer to not exist than suffer in this torturous and futile existence, to me existence is a burden that just causes suffering and I'd never wish for any of this, I was never meant to be burdened with this existence, I personally see existence itself as the true problem and I've always just wished for peace from it.

Non-existence truly is all that's positive and desirable for me, I just want to fall asleep permanently and never suffer ever again but more than anything I wish I never suffered at all. Only never existing is true perfection to me, existence really does feel like a mistake to me, I find it so tragic how this existence that just caused suffering all for the sake of it and problems there were never a need for was even imposed at all, no matter what I'll always see it as so deeply undesirable to suffer in this existence, I just want nothingness, I just want all to be gone and forgotten for me.

 

[tartvinegar]

I've never remembered a moment in life where I was not suicidal. Even when I had a lot of stability—friends, jobs, a social life, hobbies, I would still think about suicide every single hour and "just kill yourself" is an all-too-common and constant thought that just comes into my head. I could be dicing a cabbage and sending "just kill youself" pops into my head.

Now it's every second.

 

[divinemistress87]

Damn puberty . Seems to be when it started for a lot of people

 

[GlassMoon]

For me it also was there during adolescence when I felt I could not belong into a group of friends. But then life got better and that desire vanished. Came back only about a year ago due to pain...

 

[Ligottian]

One day I seriously considered whether to go to work or blow my my brains out. I was close to 40. That was the closest I've ever come to doing the deed.

 

[JesiBel]

As a teenager, 15 years old, when you are in high school. You become more aware of all the problems and the environment you find yourself in. I started to overthink things more, isolate myself, self-harm (cutting), obsess about my weight and appearance. I got to weigh 35 kg, it was fashionable to be very thin. I wasn't the popular girl, but the weirdo in class. Introverted and shy. I didn't fit in anywhere, I was always alone.

 

[yoahii]

Probably around 7 or 8 years old. I did self harm around that age, tried sawing off my leg and tried to end my life around that age as well. I suppose it was because I felt alone? I was emotionally neglected, exposed to violence and drug abuse and other stuff. I also had a terrible lisp at the age so I was constantly belittled and made fun of by family members and schoolmates. Wasn't fun.