My moods been getting worse, thoughts too dark and they are taking hold. Been self harming myself alot and now drinking alcohol regularly, flunking school. Left job and am asshole to people, unmotivated too by the way. Am I nearing my end, is this the procesd to finally accept ctb?
Does this mean the universe is telling me I should go now, theres nothing here for me or in the very least not here in sevier.
Please tell me whats happening to me, am I really going to end up killing myself or what?!?!
Hello, sorry to hear you are feeling so poorly. You may be using alcohol to cover up your unhappiness, thinking it will help, but it is the worst thing you could do; it will only intensify your self doubts, and in the end, cause addiction that will steal your life. The first thing to do, after you eliminate a deeper problem; is to sit quietly and see if you can come to some conclusions of why you feel this way. It could be family/home problems, social problems, self doubts, loneliness. If you are self harming yourself, you must have doubts about your self worth and, the pain of self harm relates to the harm you are feeling in your life in general. What in your life hurts so much that you are becoming attached to feeling pain? Really, all of the things you mention, flunking school, cruelty to people, lack of motivation are symptoms of what alcohol is contributing to, even though, you are probably using it to escape, the opposite, worse is happening. The naked truth about mental health, is that the human brain is not fully developed until around age 21. Painful life circumstances, and use of mind altering substances will only make things worse, the alcohol itself will intrude on the normal development of your brain if you continue. How has your family life been, relations with family, can you remember when you began to feel insecure about yourself. Is there anyone you can speak to who will not be judgmental. Is there something positive or interesting in your life that you can engage in more? A hobby? Any interest in something challenging; something you can strive for, look forward to achieving, other than the usual youth superficialities that predominate young social behavior in our culture. Life is an opportunity to accomplish something meaningful. Somewhere inside of you is the possibility of excelling at something. Do all you can to stop the alcohol now, and look for something of meaning, or beauty, or goodness. I wish you the best. I'm a retired nurse with a degree in Psychology, but I am not a fan of psychological medications when the problem may be poor relations, with family or friends, and not having found something to look forward to in life. And, of course, somewhere in your life you developed a negative feeling about yourself which is untrue, unless you let yourself continue in this direction. I wish you the best. We are born with the potential for good or bad, and most often it is our environment which turns us in the right or wrong direction.
