owano
surviving day by day (albeit barely)
- Oct 18, 2023
- 23
Turns out failing one class can absolutely tank your GPA in college!!! I feel like such a failure cause I've taken this class before in highschool. Made the class even more boring cause ive seen the material before (but not good enough to coast by). First half of the semester i was fighting to stay awake and the second half i was fighting internally to just be remotely mentally sound. The hw system sucked cause it was a win/lose system and no examples if needed.
My roommate sucks so much i can barely stand her. She yells at me for every little thing and i cant simply forget nor forgive her for talking shit about my appearance while calling her friend, thinking i was asleep. After that any trust i could have for her was broken. Shes just an asswhole.
Things arent progressing with the guy i like either. He made me feel like a person and that he cared for me admist everything else going on with my roommate and feeling like i dont fit in with my friends either. It felt like for once someone genuinely wanted to get to know me. He was always so kind to me. He even tried to cheer me up and asked if i wanted a hug when i cried in front of him. We would bump into each other often in random places and we ate food together a couple times (with other people). Then our class ended and i only saw him twice before i just havent seen him at all (break has since started). The 2nd time i bumped into him and he invited me to eat with him and his roommate which was nice. He mentioned he had his exam the next day so i texted him good luck with a heart but he just.. never responded.. which is a first. Anytime he took a while to respond before he'd always apologize and explain why. Its just so weird. I miss him and it sucks.
Everything is falling apart and its harder to see how ill achieve my goals in the future when im already struggling so much now (and mentally for like.. the past decade). Nothing is going right and im so tempted to just OD on pills again but we are going to visit family for Christmas in less than a week so if it doesn't work (pills dont work i just want to at least feel something i dont have access to a lot of things) idk if ill be well enough to go when we plan to (last time i OD i was bed ridden for a week cuz everytime i moved id throw up amongst other symptoms that lasted longer)
My roommate sucks so much i can barely stand her. She yells at me for every little thing and i cant simply forget nor forgive her for talking shit about my appearance while calling her friend, thinking i was asleep. After that any trust i could have for her was broken. Shes just an asswhole.
Things arent progressing with the guy i like either. He made me feel like a person and that he cared for me admist everything else going on with my roommate and feeling like i dont fit in with my friends either. It felt like for once someone genuinely wanted to get to know me. He was always so kind to me. He even tried to cheer me up and asked if i wanted a hug when i cried in front of him. We would bump into each other often in random places and we ate food together a couple times (with other people). Then our class ended and i only saw him twice before i just havent seen him at all (break has since started). The 2nd time i bumped into him and he invited me to eat with him and his roommate which was nice. He mentioned he had his exam the next day so i texted him good luck with a heart but he just.. never responded.. which is a first. Anytime he took a while to respond before he'd always apologize and explain why. Its just so weird. I miss him and it sucks.
Everything is falling apart and its harder to see how ill achieve my goals in the future when im already struggling so much now (and mentally for like.. the past decade). Nothing is going right and im so tempted to just OD on pills again but we are going to visit family for Christmas in less than a week so if it doesn't work (pills dont work i just want to at least feel something i dont have access to a lot of things) idk if ill be well enough to go when we plan to (last time i OD i was bed ridden for a week cuz everytime i moved id throw up amongst other symptoms that lasted longer)
