Discussion What’s the worst thing you have done?

[KainPain]

What is the most horrible and messed up thing you have ever done (Which probably led you to the place you're in right now)?

 

[LonelyCarioca]

Failed my first attempt 10 years ago. Hello psych ward and hello horrendous medical debt on top of student loan debt I'll never be able to pay off.

 

[Squiddy]

Took Abilify Maintenna and obtained brain fog from it

Failed my first attempt 10 years ago. Hello psych ward and hello horrendous medical debt on top of student loan debt I'll never be able to pay off.

I also have a lot of medical debt from all my hospitalizations. Gotta love US healthcare and how high bills are

 

[Qverty7455]

Being born
Being lazy and not having the will to force myself to help my mum more because of depression
And failing my ex girlfriend which was there for me in hard times and helped me a lot and stood by me :( (this is most recent and hurts the most) and I think because of my BDD I won't ever be able to cherish someone

 

[KainPain]

Took Abilify Maintenna and obtained brain fog from it

I also have a lot of medical debt from all my hospitalizations. Gotta love US healthcare and how high bills are

I don't get why they charge people who attempt suicide. As if the bill totally wouldn't increase the suicidal tendency even more. Here in Denmark, society pays for people who commit suicide / attempts it, to help them or their families with their debt

 

[Qverty7455]

Failed my first attempt 10 years ago. Hello psych ward and hello horrendous medical debt on top of student loan debt I'll never be able to pay off.

you actually pay for being in a psych ward in US ?

 

[Squiddy]

I don't get why they charge people who attempt suicide. As if the bill totally wouldn't increase the suicidal tendency even more. Here in Denmark, society pays for people who commit suicide / attempts it, to help them or their families with their debt

Yeah idk either. I have one hospital bill that was over $50k for 7 days. Luckily the insurance company paid most of it, but I'm still left with a couple thousand that I can't afford

 

[Boonks]

What is the most horrible and messed up thing you have ever done (Which probably led you to the place you're in right now)?

Tell us. What lead you to the place you're in right now?

What is the most horrible and messed up thing you did that caused you to be suicidal - certainly a suicidal person must have done something wrong, right? What big bad thing did you do?

Lol.

From the way you talk, it appears you're not suicidal. Why would a healthy, stable person join this site? See, I only joined this site because I was obsessively researching suicide methods 24/7 for weeks and I happened to find this community.

What about you?

 

[Jean4]

Tell us. What lead you to the place you're in right now?

What is the most horrible and messed up thing you did that caused you to be suicidal - certainly a suicidal person must have done something wrong, right? What big bad thing did you do?

Lol.

From the way you talk, it appears you're not suicidal. Why would a healthy, stable person join this site? See, I only joined this site because I was obsessively researching suicide methods 24/7 for weeks and I happened to find this community.

What about you?

Speak the truth!

 

[okaoki]

knowing the true side of my family

 

[Egddios]

What is the most horrible and messed up thing you have ever done (Which probably led you to the place you're in right now)?

Way to be dismissive regarding the complexity of suicide. You assume we all must have done something "most horrible and messed up" to be considering ending our lives, which is among other things, really ignorant.

 

[M3W2501]

Being most if not all of the reason the love of my life killed himself.

 

[Nem]

I made the mistake of not breaking up with my ex at the start of the relationship. Holyfuckingshit was that ever a mistake!!!!! Biggest mistake of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[wendydong1]

met a guy..

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

Abuse of weed that led to clouded judgment.
It's just weed but I think it contributed to many mistakes I made

 

[Martyn]

Manage to push everyone away that actually loved me because I'm so mentally sick

 

[BlackDragonof1989]

I made people get feelings for me then bailed out of untreated mental illness but that's an excuse, now one who loved me very much died from his own drinking I suspect, and I suspect I made it worse for him when I became distant and was aloof and unfaithful <3

 

[BlackDragonof1989]

I worry about what the consequences may be for the girl who has feelings for me. Life would be so much simpler if I felt the same way, but I don't. I don't find her attractive enough to pursue a relationship, despite having a great friendship.

Life if so depressing.

I can relate, I've always been a bit of an introvert, and avoided intimacy and am a bit schizoid, as I like the idea of closeness, sex even, and do watch porn from time to time, though less than I used to, I'm mellowing with age overall I believe, but then translating it into the relationship and closeness, I've never been able to. But me too I have had some great friendships. Yes indeed and then my own self-consciousness, then I fail and have been replaced by more worthy/superior/younger guys, often were mutual friends, whole thing is complex <3 When I am alone, I may feel lonely and not know how to make love or be truly close (only ever kissed a girl in real life), but I have control, or more control and such <3 I'm sorry you're hurting you are not alone there, I've been so close yet so far to being close but I usually always run away <3

 

[ALittleBurden]

The worst thing I've ever done are acts of abuse to my pets. As much as I love them and love animals, I just cannot control myself sometimes. Fortunately it never got serious and I work on my aggression management, but the guilt will last forever.

 

[BlackDragonof1989]

The worst thing I've ever done are acts of abuse to my pets. As much as I love them and love animals, I just cannot control myself sometimes. Fortunately it never got serious and I work on my aggression management, but the guilt will last forever.

Oh I know the feeling do not feel alone I once got upset with my cat and sort of lobbed her down the stairs I will never forgive myself for that she landed on her feet but still that was before I discovered self-medicating for my mood but yeah it is sad I eat a lot of meat for my mental health so I say though I'm just acclimated to it and it's tasty but I feel bad the other day I tried to drown a little tick in my bath tub as I was too lazy to take him outside and then he came back from inside the drain and I let him be I feel bad about that one *shrugs*

Awuhrrr <3

 

[IRIYAMA]

Spent a couple of years at her Majesties Hotel. Only to rebuild my life and try be a decent functioning person only to close my business down and go back to work and contract an illness helping out a local community...

 

[BlackDragonof1989]

Yeah, it's a bit of a mindfuck. The idea is nice but actually doing any of these things sounds horrible, embarrassing, and pointless. Age has mellowed the desire for gratification, but not much else. People build big layers around themselves to avoid criticism or scrutiny. IMO, self-consciousness is a good thing, it's just moving that into the group of other people which is hard. I used to be like this, valuing the autonomy and free speech above all else, but just needed family and doctors too much to ignore, wearing down my separation of identities, until it just worked.



One of the things which is a constant in my evaluation of people's morality is treatment of pets. Whatever it is, if you treat another sentient being badly, you are probably not such a good person, OR have thought about it and believe some higher economic goal is worth the false trade. Either way it's bullshit.

On a personal level, I have unfortunately not always treated my cats well. In their old age (17 now), they are often confused and scared for no particular reason. It's a little like someone with Alzheimer's being confused and scared for no particular reason. They get scared and there is no good explanation to give. I don't know what to say to either. Really just have to hope the human stuff occurs before any other on the timeline of life destruction.

Yep yeap awuhrrr sorry I am a bit hypomanic so may not have gotten everything but it felt good yes yes understood to the best of my ability currently thank you and I need to get closer to family my fear holds me back and laziness and selfishness they are so good but my own judgment separates us ah ooo *curls up nodding*

This has always been a dangerous word to utter to anyone listening. After expliticly asking for a formal test, I was ranked as high in schizoid and avoidant personality traits. With their nature, it;s a bit of a catch-22, and not much to do about it without a fierce advocate behind you. For many years, I thought schizoid was some aberrant, abnormal personality defect, not something which could happen to anyone.

In the 10 years after figuring out I was schizoid and avoidant, and following the diagnoses, I have had a lot of time of personal mistakes to see that this is not the way to get anything recognised.

I think about whether the avoidant transmission was more understandable from a foreign race, or if any other languages used are well-enough documented by the dominant race. I have found people to be generally very nice, but not to meet the targets aforementioned. Maybe it's generational, like looking backwards.

I see and yeah I sometimes wish I had a diagnosis but then I don't know *nods* It can be quite isolating indeed >< And then I get histrionic-y with my bipolar it's just organizational charts to try to put things in order I suppose we all can be in these places maybe <3

I think I see wait no I'm confused on the last part, like a cultural communication breakdown it's over my head I'm afraid but I like your mind hmhm awuhrr <3

 

[Rocksandsand]

I gave money to a friend for them to buy heroin which they then used to ctb. I can't decide if I did a good or bad thing - it was his choice to use the money however he wanted - but fuck I miss him.

 

[Rocksandsand]

@dysphoria I completely agree. I just get sad sometimes that he's gone. Maybe he could've lived if we used that money to get him out of his shitty situation. Ultimately I am glad that he had a dignified exit, but it keeps me up at night

 

[BlackDragonof1989]

It's hard to know how to be on this forum generally. Bucks all trends traditionally, and is under apparent legal pressure. Not exactly the place to confess one's deepest secrets. But it seems to still happen, and I don't know enough about the alternatives. So buy heroin. If you need a darknet link, download Tor Browser and follow the links on the website dark.fail for Empire Market.



If he was that close to ending it, he probably was on a course which you couldn't stop. These situations are so often far too late for anyone to intervene, including doctors, family, and people on the internet.

If I can feel this good on dxm and some positive vibes I wish heroin wasn't addictive and it was legal because I always heard when you first start using it's like getting a hug from God <3 But thank you for this info if I go that route then I have that information but it's scary for me <3 Awuhrrr but yes the drug war, lots of conspiracies there, don't get me started on the funkytown gore video that scarred me for life what forces people can let in in the various circles but I know it's not all gloom and doom, I am sorry for my naivete here awuhrrr *curls up at your feet* And thank you for the hug Beautifulletdown *waggles* To try to bridge the worlds it's Steve Jobs saying "wow wow wow <3"

As well I am sorry for your loss Rocks <3

 

[mxe is the best]

my therapist abused me
i am in 14k debt
maybe homeless soon
was 7 months off finishing my degree
severe ptsd symptoms
only feel good when have opiates, but i have no access
no money for kratom
heroin doesnt work for me
oxycodone too expensive and no access
i need someone to help me i need to have access to somewhere to live and be able to study - i know i can be a good provider to my community if i get my degree and job
my therapist emotionally and sexually abused me when my dad died.
my mum has just had severe brain damage from a head injury needs 24.7 care
i have no home to go to
my therapist abused me!!!!!!!!!!!
i want to end my life

SN seems too good to be true
i dont trust myself let alone anyone else after what my therapist has done to be. she or noone knows the chaos she has brought upon my life. it was cruel and abusive

 

[Rocksandsand]

my therapist abused me
i am in 14k debt
maybe homeless soon
was 7 months off finishing my degree
severe ptsd symptoms
only feel good when have opiates, but i have no access
no money for kratom
heroin doesnt work for me
oxycodone too expensive and no access
i need someone to help me i need to have access to somewhere to live and be able to study - i know i can be a good provider to my community if i get my degree and job
my therapist emotionally and sexually abused me when my dad died.
my mum has just had severe brain damage from a head injury needs 24.7 care
i have no home to go to
my therapist abused me!!!!!!!!!!!
i want to end my life

SN seems too good to be true
i dont trust myself let alone anyone else after what my therapist has done to be. she or noone knows the chaos she has brought upon my life. it was cruel and abusive

I am so fucking sorry that you were abused in so many ways. I just wanted to say - these things aren't things YOU did. These are things you were traumatised by; you never asked to be hurt or abused, and you never brought it upon yourself. I am so sorry you had to deal with so much. If I were there with you, I'd wrap a blanket around you and tell you that none of this is your fault

 

[KainPain]

Tell us. What lead you to the place you're in right now?

What is the most horrible and messed up thing you did that caused you to be suicidal - certainly a suicidal person must have done something wrong, right? What big bad thing did you do?

Lol.

From the way you talk, it appears you're not suicidal. Why would a healthy, stable person join this site? See, I only joined this site because I was obsessively researching suicide methods 24/7 for weeks and I happened to find this community.

What about you?

You misunderstood me. I asked if anyone has ever done something they feel is horrible, that they felt made them who they are today.

 

[Heart of Ice]

I dipped a sausage in laundry detergent and fed it to the neighbour's dog that had bit me once before. I ran away so I don't really know if the dog ate it but I didn't see the dog after that.

 

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

I tried to bathe my cat because everything must be cleaned. I washed and washed as he cried clawed and tried to scratch his way to freedom. Then to top it off I blow dried him. I used the warm setting instead of hot but I still can't get past the fact that he cried so much.

I'm such a god awful person!!! I pray they dont send me to the firing squad for this infraction...oh the sheer horror of how my actions may be judged!!!

The only reasonable punishment is suicide!!!