E
everydayiloveyou
Arcanist
- Jul 5, 2020
- 490
I've been trying to recover for years, I've tried so many things. I exercised and ate healthier. I went outside more. I meditated. I did my homework early. I got a job, then another, then two at once. I've never drank or done drugs. I went to therapy many times and put a genuine effort during all my sessions even though I always walk out feeling hopeless, lied to, and babied after every session. I still come back the next week with my homework done and having tried the exposure activity.
Meds are my last hope. But i dont even know if that'll help. I'm gonna try it anyways but I've heard that meds make suicidal ideation worse, especially in younger people. And my issue isn't even depression! My social anxiety is what's destroying everything and making me so depressed. Apparently the only class of medication that comes close to treating SA properly (MAOIs) are almost never prescribed because the side effects and food restrictions are so severe.
People always say therapy is the answer, I say that shit too, but in reality if you have a severe mental illness you're pretty much severely fucked, and up the ass too. I'm sick of hearing that Kendall Jenner also feels nervous when she's out shopping for Birkins or whatever. I don't want to hear that Robin Williams also had depression as if knowing he ended up commiting suicide will somehow make me feel better. Everyone has bad days but Karen in Accounting with her farmhouse dream life has very different bad days than I do.
What's the point????? I've tried really hard and it hasn't been worth it. In fact it seems that with every new thing I try, the extent of the debilitation just becomes more and more obvious. How can anyone live like this? How do doctors, teachers, and the people who say they love me see how I live and still have the nerve to say that I am living a full life?? How do they see how people treat me and the problems I have and still try to convince me that nothing is happening, I just need to try harder and believe in myself???
I'm grateful for this site because at least yall understand. I wish no one would feel the need to commit suicide but I get it. I hope if yall havent gotten help yet, that you can try it and it works out for you. It feels shitty that it hasn't changed the trajectory of my life at all. I'm still gonna die young to this illness.
Meds are my last hope. But i dont even know if that'll help. I'm gonna try it anyways but I've heard that meds make suicidal ideation worse, especially in younger people. And my issue isn't even depression! My social anxiety is what's destroying everything and making me so depressed. Apparently the only class of medication that comes close to treating SA properly (MAOIs) are almost never prescribed because the side effects and food restrictions are so severe.
People always say therapy is the answer, I say that shit too, but in reality if you have a severe mental illness you're pretty much severely fucked, and up the ass too. I'm sick of hearing that Kendall Jenner also feels nervous when she's out shopping for Birkins or whatever. I don't want to hear that Robin Williams also had depression as if knowing he ended up commiting suicide will somehow make me feel better. Everyone has bad days but Karen in Accounting with her farmhouse dream life has very different bad days than I do.
What's the point????? I've tried really hard and it hasn't been worth it. In fact it seems that with every new thing I try, the extent of the debilitation just becomes more and more obvious. How can anyone live like this? How do doctors, teachers, and the people who say they love me see how I live and still have the nerve to say that I am living a full life?? How do they see how people treat me and the problems I have and still try to convince me that nothing is happening, I just need to try harder and believe in myself???
I'm grateful for this site because at least yall understand. I wish no one would feel the need to commit suicide but I get it. I hope if yall havent gotten help yet, that you can try it and it works out for you. It feels shitty that it hasn't changed the trajectory of my life at all. I'm still gonna die young to this illness.