Discussion What's the main reason stopping you from ctb for now?

[spanishguy22]

Hello I was curious on the reason of people here stopping them from ctb. Feel free to vote.

 

[Squiddy]

Fear of there being a hell, people wanting me here and fear of brain damage

 

[Astral316]

Waiting til the holidays are over.

 

[AnxiouslyDepressed]

People wanting me to be here/guilt

 

[Woodnote]

The main thing keeping me here is that I'm clinging onto the last bit of hope I have for my life. It might just be false hope. I don't know. I guess only time will tell.

 

[Stan]

Having the kids back from university so they don't hear it amongst strangers hundreds of miles away from their home. I flew once transatlantic next to a youngish woman who had just heard her father died. As much as I could I tried to comfort here but you could see the whole journey was agony being amongst strangers and all the effort in travelling when all you wanted to do was roll up in a ball and weep.

 

[Shivani]

Having the kids back from university so they don't hear it amongst strangers hundreds of miles away from their home. I flew once transatlantic next to a youngish woman who had just heard her father died. As much as I could I tried to comfort here but you could see the whole journey was agony being amongst strangers and all the effort in travelling when all you wanted to do was roll up in a ball and weep.

I have been thru this, when my SO died, he was away from me but I could not hold back my emotions and was crying almost throughout the journey.

 

[Shakespear's Brother]

Conscious: Fear of failure that leaves me worse off physically and/or mentally, not limited to just brain damage

Subconscious, likely: Last remaining bit of hope, not ground in any kind of reality, that I might experience a turnaround of any kind that makes life with dignity possible

 

[imstillhungry]

The reason I haven't tried again since my attempt 2 weeks ago is that my abusive ex (who I'm still in love with) has been manipulating me with his 100 personalities and on and off again bullshit, giving me false hope.

He told me we could spend his birthday weekend together in 2 weeks. That's why I stuck around. I was going to ctb afterwards.

I wanted to plan the weekend abroad, paid for by me. He told me to go ahead and book it- which I did. He then started changing his mind about going at least 10 times a day.
2 days ago he told me again that he didn't want to go. I told him I was sick of being treated like this, and that I'm done being taken advantage of. He said 'bye then' like he doesn't give a single fuck, and hasn't replied to my messages since.

I have no reason to wait now. As soon as my SN arrives (ordered yesterday) I'm out.

I'm also a bit apprehensive of what's to come, whether it's nothing or something. But that doesn't worry me enough to stop me.

 

[SoupSnakes]

My dog

 

[Thatdude]

I selected other because it is a mix of lack of supplies/location, fear of psych ward due to failure, fear of brain damage due to failure, and the cost of what happens if I mess up.

I'm not worried about what others think. Yes I know some will be sad, but I know many including them will be happy. The ones who would be sad would be sad simply because of the social norm. But at the end of the day, no one really likes me. Much of this is my own fault, but it is still true at the end of the day.
I never been to a psych ward before, but having all my freedoms stripped away sounds horrible. Speaking of, I'm kinda shocked no one voted on that yet.

But my ultimate reason why I haven't off myself is lack of supplies and location. The location I was going to do it last year, they built houses there and I couldn't find another empty woods to go to. I also just flat out didn't have the stuff anyways. Plus I had a little hope. However, now I simply don't have any hope, location, or supplies.

My dog

I've been there.

 

[Pepper]

Lack of supplies, fear of psychiatric ward due to failure, fear of brain damage due to failure, and people's feelings/people depending on me.

 

[Misanthrope]

'People depending on you.'

I need to ensure a safe enough landing for my loved ones in practical terms, so they can better manage my absence. So for now I must endure despite no ounce of me wanting to be here any longer.

 

[ninthhokage]

Definitely lack of supplies. If I had everything I needed, I wouldn't even hesitate.

 

[k75]

Hope. When I came here, I had none. Now I have a little. It's not enough to completely make me step off the ledge, but it's enough to make me wait a little while longer.

I have all my supplies if I need them, but my medication seems to be working right now, and that's enough to clear my head a little bit.

I don't know what's going to happen, and I don't know what I want anymore. Not much has changed as far as my reasons go, but my perception and ability to cope seems to be improving.

 

[onlyeverexisting]

Fear of the afterlife, or lack of one. Isn't it crazy how you can be so miserable in life, and yet the possibility of ceasing to exist/experience anything seems to be scarier than your misery? Maybe that means I still have some semblance of hope though.

 

[Ark]

Waiting for N and Meto to arrive. I have a set date, just hoping they both make it in one time.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

My mom and my dog are the main reasons. Fear of failure and psych ward to an extent. Also having a small bit of what is most likely fasle hope.

The reason I haven't tried again since my attempt 2 weeks ago is that my abusive ex (who I'm still in love with) has been manipulating me with his 100 personalities and on and off again bullshit, giving me false hope.

He told me we could spend his birthday weekend together in 2 weeks. That's why I stuck around. I was going to ctb afterwards.

I wanted to plan the weekend abroad, paid for by me. He told me to go ahead and book it- which I did. He then started changing his mind about going at least 10 times a day.
2 days ago he told me again that he didn't want to go. I told him I was sick of being treated like this, and that I'm done being taken advantage of. He said 'bye then' like he doesn't give a single fuck, and hasn't replied to my messages since.

I have no reason to wait now. As soon as my SN arrives (ordered yesterday) I'm out.

I'm also a bit apprehensive of what's to come, whether it's nothing or something. But that doesn't worry me enough to stop me.

I really really feel this. Going thru this exact same thing too and I'm just worried I'm holding out for false hope.

 

[imstillhungry]

My mom and my dog are the main reasons. Fear of failure and psych ward to an extent. Also having a small bit of what is most likely fasle hope.



I really really feel this. Going thru this exact same thing too and I'm just worried I'm holding out for false hope.

Sorry you can relate :( It's such a difficult situation to be in. It's so fucking cruel to give someone false hope and mess with their head like that.

 

[Hotsackage]

Im pretty fucked up its only a matter of time, ill succeed at hanging or sn

 

[LMLN]

Guilt for causing family pain. :(
But the pain is getting to be too much. Cannot hold out...

 

[lizinha]

Survival Instinct is the only thing stopping me atm otherwise im good to go.

 

[Sensei]

Hope. When I came here, I had none. Now I have a little. It's not enough to completely make me step off the ledge, but it's enough to make me wait a little while longer.

I have all my supplies if I need them, but my medication seems to be working right now, and that's enough to clear my head a little bit.

I don't know what's going to happen, and I don't know what I want anymore. Not much has changed as far as my reasons go, but my perception and ability to cope seems to be improving.

Same here, almost word for word! To a degree, I also have a bad conscious about how my death will affect people around me.

 

[MeltingHeart]

supplies/ people blocking me

 

[Shaqxbb]

The reason I haven't tried again since my attempt 2 weeks ago is that my abusive ex (who I'm still in love with) has been manipulating me with his 100 personalities and on and off again bullshit, giving me false hope.

He told me we could spend his birthday weekend together in 2 weeks. That's why I stuck around. I was going to ctb afterwards.

I wanted to plan the weekend abroad, paid for by me. He told me to go ahead and book it- which I did. He then started changing his mind about going at least 10 times a day.
2 days ago he told me again that he didn't want to go. I told him I was sick of being treated like this, and that I'm done being taken advantage of. He said 'bye then' like he doesn't give a single fuck, and hasn't replied to my messages since.

I have no reason to wait now. As soon as my SN arrives (ordered yesterday) I'm out.

I'm also a bit apprehensive of what's to come, whether it's nothing or something. But that doesn't worry me enough to stop me.

Been through something very very similar - my reasoning is almost exactly the same as yours. If you want to talk feel free to PM. Legitimately, my situation sounds almost identical. (Although my chromosome pairs are opposite from yours, and same for the SO lol)

 

[k75]

Same here, almost word for word! To a degree, I also have a bad conscious about how my death will affect people around me.

Oh I have the same problem. Especially about my parents. They just lost a friend and they're taking it really hard. I can't stand them like that. Knowing that I would make them feel worse than they are feeling now on top of it is just a little too much.

 

[NitriteAnatomy]

Waiting for the right time, when it feels most appropriate to me.

 

[JSauter]

The 48 hour SN regimen is a problem for me. I don't have the grit and wherewithal to maintain 48 hours of intention on suicide. I wish I could make a quick one-shot decision, but the stat does is not reliably effective.

 

[issyishere]

Honestly I think it's the fear of my SI kicking in. What if i take SN or I kick the chair over and I regret it immediately and my last moments are spent in vain trying to survive or I get revived and I end up in a ward.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Honestly I think it's the fear of my SI kicking in. What if i take SN or I kick the chair over and I regret it immediately and my last moments are spent in vain trying to survive or I get revived and I end up in a ward.

If you are already thinking about regretting it, then maybe you need a little more time to think about things & consider all the things that are holding you to life and giving you that bit of hope? Perhaps there is enough there to keep you here for now. It shouldn't be done if there is thoughts of regret in yr mind already- imho.