whats the difference between us and who catch the bus

[Brokenwithbpd]

I've always wondered too. I feel like I waited too long now I have all these responsibilities

 

[Deleted member 22624]

I've always wondered too. I feel like I waited too long now I have all these responsibilities

Ugh me too. Really, really annoyed with myself for that.

 

[Deleted member 22624]

Ignore all the wrong answers which is basically all of them and go read professor thomas joiners "why people die of suicide", there's a proven genetic aspect and only 30% of those who try can succeed, it's a graceful marriage of conditioning, desire and genetic disposition that makes it possible, yes there is some difference in brains of those who suicide whilst the rest are forever stuck behind the amygdalas control. It's a fascinating book EVERYONE here should be looking at.

"Taking one's own life goes against one of our strongest urges—the instinct of self-preservation. The deterioration of this instinct, says Thomas Joiner, should be regarded as a symptom of disease.
Oh lord. Bring on the pro-lifers and save us from our diseased minds, we deserve no more autonomy. Assholes. It sounds like an interesting and informative book, and I feel sorry for him being a survivor (lol?) of someone who committed suicide, but it all obviously subscribes to pro-life sentiments and controls that we've come here to escape so I doubt I'd be able to read much without raging. I think this counts as a rage and I haven't even started it yet. Nice find though, I might give it a try if my diseased mind has a further lapse

 

[Givingupandgivingin]

The will to live is pretty strong I think. It's instinctive even if basically everything else is horrific.
That's how I feel. I feel as though there is no hope. There is no joy. There is nothing. But yet, here I am. I have set a date in my mind. I have some things I need to do first, I wanted to get my children birthday cards for 18th and 21st birthdays, maybe for their wedding days should they choose to get married. I find it hard thinking I won't see them grow up, but I've always kind of known it. I really don't picture me as elderly at all. I have never expected to make it that far.
I wish the stupid will to live would go away. As it stands I'm not eating much or taking care of myself so that if I get covid (as I am already in a high risk group) maybe I will just naturally die and that will be less traumatic for everyone all round.

 

[Deleted member 22624]

The will to live is pretty strong I think. It's instinctive even if basically everything else is horrific.
That's how I feel. I feel as though there is no hope. There is no joy. There is nothing. But yet, here I am. I have set a date in my mind. I have some things I need to do first, I wanted to get my children birthday cards for 18th and 21st birthdays, maybe for their wedding days should they choose to get married. I find it hard thinking I won't see them grow up, but I've always kind of known it. I really don't picture me as elderly at all. I have never expected to make it that far.
I wish the stupid will to live would go away. As it stands I'm not eating much or taking care of myself so that if I get covid (as I am already in a high risk group) maybe I will just naturally die and that will be less traumatic for everyone all round.

I think I've been suicidal so long I no longer understand people who have a will to live, (even if it's obviously natural and by design)… it's just hard to fathom. I guess having kids puts it into an even higher gear. I've also thought about a natural death being less painful for others, they won't wonder if they were good enough. Sadly for me I'm not in the high risk group. I feel for you, being stuck in limbo like this, like so many of us here really. Sorry for your pain

 

[Sunshine]

I think I've been suicidal so long I no longer understand people who have a will to live, (even if it's obviously natural and by design)… it's just hard to fathom. I guess having kids puts it into an even higher gear. I've also thought about a natural death being less painful for others, they won't wonder if they were good enough. Sadly for me I'm not in the high risk group. I feel for you, being stuck in limbo like this, like so many of us here really. Sorry for your pain

If you have been suicidal for so long but you're still alive, wouldn't you understand the will to live more than most people? Because if you had no will to live you wouldn't even be here anymore if you had suicidal thoughts for a long time. I don't think I understand your post.

 

[Shades of Grey]

For me, this place helps keep me going until I'm able to opt out.

I am ready to die. I've been sticking around for two reasons. Primary is a geriatric cat I didn't want to abandon at the end of his life. Secondary was not wanting to disrupt an important event in a friend's life with my suicide.

Friend is now in a better place, and cat's life is rapidly reaching its conclusion. My goal is to force myself to wait until his time comes... will attend to his euthanasia, followed by my own.

 

[_Kaira_]

I've made my peace. I'm afraid, but I'm sure if I had the means to ctb right now I'd be able to suppress SI. However, I won't go into a long spiel about why I can not, but I can't afford to get my hands on any efficient method. I do not want to rush into CTB no matter how badly I would like to do so. The goal is death, not more suffering obviously.

I have nothing left in my life I would fear to leave behind.

 

[JustABunchOfAtoms]

The only reason I haven't CTB is staying in a mental hospital

 

[woxihuanni]

I don't think there is a set list of reasons. All one can say for sure is that they are OK now while we suffer.

 

[muffin222]

That's a complex question with a myriad of different answers. I think many people on here are not 100% at peace with the decision to die, myself included, and are stuck in a limbo phase between wanting to die and actually following through

I also think a substantial portion of members on here are not actively suicidal, but are suffering from "chronic suicidality", wherein suicidal thoughts become a deeply ingrained coping mechanism for life's stressors and challenges. With "chronic suicidality" the person's mind is conditioned over time to default to suicidal thoughts when distressed in order to cope and to find comfort in knowing that there's a way out of their problems. But, the person may not actually intend to die or actively take steps to do so

 

[Quinlor]

İn this forum everybody want to die. Some of them can do it,some of them can't. What is our difference from them? Are we not ready, whats the problem? Why can't we die?

Just, oportunity

 

[Deleted member 17949]

for me suicide is a lot of effort and I am very depressed to physically making myself do it is incredibly hard