Venting What’s stopping me?

[Sk8Bones11]

Just laying here hurting and suffering again. I have days like this where I've had enough and try pushing myself to pick up my gun and just shoot myself. I convince myself it's the ultimate act of self love. Nothing will get better, it's getting worse. And I'm in the midst of so much painful stuff in life right now. I'm laying here asking myself why don't I just get it over with? What is stopping me right now? What hope am I clinging to this time? And even if I'm clinging to any shred of hope of something awesome happening, it never ends up happening. So why do I keep telling myself to have hope this time? I don't have to go through another painful sleepless night crying and wishing to just go to sleep and not wake. I have the means to end my life. I have no reason to hang on. Why do I try and tell myself to just keep hanging on, something good might happen?

 

[AflacDuck]

Have you rationalized it? Is it emotional, is it physical, what are the chances of it improving? If you see absolutely no hope, and see it as your best option. Your life is yours to do with what you please. If you're holding on for others, they don't have a say over your life as it is yours, and yours to take.

Got some booze, or weed? Get high/drunk and chill out. See how things go. If you feel like CTB, or feel alone we're here for ya.