What's keeping you here

[Mortalscreensaver]

My parents and fear of what's next

 

[TAW122]

Currently, I have one last ditch effort to see if I can overcome my issue of losing my virginity before age 30. If I succeed, then there is hope for me (albeit small) and would tolerate (not enjoy) life enough to not want to CTB and have purpose to live a bit longer. However, if I fail, then it not only proves that I am undesirable in the regular market, but also if I decide to pay for it (in places where it's legal), thus meaning I have zero hope. That alone would be enough to push me over the edge and want to CTB. So as of now, I'm just going to give it my all and go for it hoping for the best result.

Of course, if I CTB, there are many more reasons beyond just being a virgin/perma virgin, but I am not going to list them all here (it's long and I've already discussed it in another topic).

 

[LMLN]

My son, and what comes next.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

I have tried before, but what it would do to my partner. He has depression too, my mental health is a bit more complex then his though.
The fact I don't want to live with yet another failed attempt over me.
What comes next.

 

[LMLN]

Oh yes, forgot to add, fear of failure!

 

[Tabbyql]

My dogs always seem to drag me back, but they deserve better than me.

 

[LifeOver]

My uselessness. I can''t even succeed in something as "simple" as suicide.

 

[Mortalscreensaver]

My uselessness. I can''t even succeed in something as "simple" as suicide.

I agree with this. I lay here and can't even make a plan.
I need to find a way to get my hands on fentanyl.

 

[pane]

As much as I hate myself, as empty and wasted as my life is, I just don't have the balls to commit suicide because my instinct for self-preservation/fear of death is still too strong.

 

[Mortalscreensaver]

As much as I hate myself, as empty and wasted as my life is, I just don't have the balls to commit suicide because my instinct for self-preservation/fear of death is still too strong.

This I agree with too. I'm too much of a scared bitch.

 

[Beautifulletdown]

My fear of failing and being worst off than I already am honestly. I could care less about my family anymore as they have no empathy for me whatsoever.

 

[Ko9]

Being a pussy.

 

[Kjo]

Currently, I have one last ditch effort to see if I can overcome my issue of losing my virginity before age 30. If I succeed, then there is hope for me (albeit small) and would tolerate (not enjoy) life enough to not want to CTB and have purpose to live a bit longer. However, if I fail, then it not only proves that I am undesirable in the regular market, but also if I decide to pay for it (in places where it's legal), thus meaning I have zero hope. That alone would be enough to push me over the edge and want to CTB. So as of now, I'm just going to give it my all and go for it hoping for the best result.

Of course, if I CTB, there are many more reasons beyond just being a virgin/perma virgin, but I am not going to list them all here (it's long and I've already discussed it in another topic).

Where do you live? Is it fear or religion or something that is holding you back? Could you explain that?

My uselessness. I can''t even succeed in something as "simple" as suicide.

Not simple. So not simple. And I'd like to argue you're not useless. Being here, you help others by talking, if that counts for anything.

 

[Throwaway9787]

Currently, I have one last ditch effort to see if I can overcome my issue of losing my virginity before age 30. If I succeed, then there is hope for me (albeit small) and would tolerate (not enjoy) life enough to not want to CTB and have purpose to live a bit longer. However, if I fail, then it not only proves that I am undesirable in the regular market, but also if I decide to pay for it (in places where it's legal), thus meaning I have zero hope. That alone would be enough to push me over the edge and want to CTB. So as of now, I'm just going to give it my all and go for it hoping for the best result.

Of course, if I CTB, there are many more reasons beyond just being a virgin/perma virgin, but I am not going to list them all here (it's long and I've already discussed it in another topic).

Nothing wrong with being a wizard bro

 

[Soulless_Angel]

I honestly don't know, for some of it it's timing, and being able to *vanish* without people sending out a search party within 2 hours. Part of it is fear of failure and part of it is anxiety, I struggle to leave the house without a panic attack, so thats kinda screwing me over at the mo (In home CTB is not at all in any way doable)

 

[Yoffi]

thoughts like "maybe tomorrow will be better".
it's like falling for the same joke over and over again.

 

[oldgray]

nothing really

 

[Guizin239]

I tried the rope and it hurts a lot. Also, I'm scared of being found before dying and end up a vegetable.

 

[tothemoon]

On my bad days not wanting to go out horrifically by poison. On my slightly better days realizing getting a divorce it takes awhile to get over. Although she screwed me over so bad I'm not sure ill find a way out. I'm not in the ' inevitable' stage but lucky breaks are very rare and if life even is middle of the road scenario that will probably be enough to do me in.

 

[andy69]

Nothing. The love of my life left for someone else without so much as telling me. I don't have career or a job. I'm too old to start over and would probably fail if I tried. I guess too much of a chicken.

 

[wanttodie]

, fear of failure!

 

[Skyfiregirl]

I'm too much of a wuss. I don't want to hurt my family or friends. I don't know who would take care of my animals.

 

[StillWaiting]

I can't find a method that I feel comfortable in doing it.

 

[Saga]

a false hope and holding onto something i still crave for...but soon very soon

 

[JoeFailure]

My family and friends.
Sand volleyball.
Hope for a financial miracle of some kind.
Trying to help other people who got a raw deal in life.
Food.

 

[Fragile]

the lack of a reliable method is the main reason, i just can't find one that will 100% kill me, i'm too afraid of failing and suffering the aftermath of an unsuccessful attempt.

i'm also really afraid of how my family would react, but that fear gets smaller every day, i just can't keep living like this.

 

[TheBlackSwordsman]

My parents...they deserved better.

 

[Pistolero114]

I honestly just don't know. Fear that CTB'n will put me in a worse situation than I am right now possibly? I hang around because I made a promise to Baxter. My best friend. That as long as I could draw a breath he would have a warm secure home with as much kibble and hugs as he could stand. He is my depression barometer. He will often one find me just when I'm starting a slide back into misery. I figure I owe him something. At least a little bit of time before I have to leave.

If you've followed me this far you are awesome. Thank you(s).

 

[Codieb1]

My Sn very recently arrived and I'm confident I can take it. I just need to wait for the right moment to take it. I was preparing to go today, but had to delay. Hopefully next weekend.

What WAS keeping me here? Being scared, and trying to find a method I'm comfortable with. Now I have SN, I have nothing keeping me here at all

 

[k3v3r]

i'm scared of failing and becoming a vegetable