Discussion What's keeping you from CBT?

[Emptied_soul]

I would love to know the reasons some of us keep going and pushing forward. In my case there's a part of me that still remains somewhat hopeful and believes things will get better and everything will turn out great. Another reason is my two cats, i already know someone that could take care of them, but i believe it would break their hearts to never see me again. And lastly i live in Spain so i don't have many options of CBT besides hanging, jumping from a tall building, jumping in front of a train and i don't know how easy would it be to acquire SN here in Europe, since i've read you need some sort of special license to order it. Of course i'm still considering CTB within the next two month if everything remains the same, i would need an absolute miracle to save me from actually doing it, but those are some of the reasons as to why i haven't done it yet.

 

[Tartuffe]

Not having everything I need to. Lol

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Fear of failure and remaining alive with brain damage because they made assisted suicide and Nembutal illegal and banned many other things to make suicide a million times more difficult . This country U.S. and world is a prison a suicide prohibition state.

4 Years ago I saw hundreds of companies that sold SN to individuals online. Now I see none here in the U.S. . They are purposefully banning SN because some ctb with it. That further proves this is a suicide prohibition state. If SN is so painfull and unreliable why are they restricting it so much?

 

[yive]

pro-lifers or not having a 100% reliable way to die to be precise

 

[mayumi]

My cat

 

[beyondgone]

Not finished preparing or saying goodbye, I need my family to not feel guilt when I'm gone but be at peace

 

[whitefeather]

Stanford University research - "your DNA calls all the shots , there's no such thing as choice " >

 

[MaeMae]

I don't want my mother or some unsuspecting children to be the ones to find my corpse. Sometimes I wish that my mother hated me so that I can just get it on without a worry

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course in my case it's only the limited access to reliable methods and fear of suicide failing. If ctb was much easier I would be long gone by this point, I hate this prison like society that restricts reliable method options and just expects people to suffer instead, the lack of suicide method options disgust me. I believe that existence could never be worth enduring and I see suffering as being best avoided so that's certainly the only reason as to why I'm still here.

 

[exhaustedanonymous]

not having the substance i need and, if dead honest, a few people

 

[AhmedAlRazek]

My discord boyfriend checking on me every hour of every minute making sure i am alive because he knows where i live and if i ever hurt myself he will hurt my loved ones as compensation

 

[outrider567]

No hope left, don't know why I'm still here, just a matter of time

 

[JuliaOnTheNet]

waiting for my metoclopramide to arrive

 

[missingpeace]

My situation is not going to get any better, my life is fucked as it is, but my SI just won't let me do it. It's so dumb because being alive doesn't make any sense.

 

[themisbelow]

The idea of the person who viciously abused me feeling release over my death and the fact that I wouldn't be able to attest to what they did to me due to having passed. All my friends are aware of what happened though, and I have extensive proof all saved on a burner phone, so maybe I shouldn't worry too much about it haha.

 

[mothman._.]

My family has locked up any potentially dangerous objects in the house. Additionally made sure any journey outside the house is closely supervised so i cant do anything goofy. i feel like a little kid surrounded by safety scissors.

 

[AVeryLazySloth]

My mother had to reanimate me once and had brought me to the hospital on more occasions. She since then has been diagnosed with Alzheimers and I cannot get it over my heart to let her go through that again.

 

[Someone123]

Fear of the consequences of a failed attempt mostly, sometimes some fleeting bits of hope.

 

[Octavia]

The dress that I would be wearing for the rest of my life has not arrived yet, quite the annoying setback.

 

[Mickdom]

Fear of failing is high on the list and then having my freedom taken away by doctors. Its a double blow no doubt.

 

[bridge-walking]

people relying on me for many aspects of life. when i do decide to CTB, i will make it as easy on those around me as possible. i don't feel ready to do it myself yet, but would feel a great sense of relief if some terminal illness were to befall me tomorrow. sounds cowardly. it might be. still processing all of these feelings.

 

[sufferingextremely]

I could not complete 2 attempts in 2021. First was due to not being able to fast, second was due to being disabled and unable to complete the protocol. I have a constant sense that I will not make it in the long run. My plan is to live and fight and that's the only plan that I have at current. Something has to change and Im trying to make that change happen. If I can't make change happen, I am doomed in the long run. I don't know how much longer I can last, but it won't be forever. I'm a fighter though.

Other than that, the lack of an assisted dying program where I live is a factor. Having to search the internet for pig poison, and then not being able to complete the complicated regimen is another. I think that if I decide that I need to die, I should be able to get help in doing it from professionals, like they have in other countries. Pig poison is a major step forward, but to me it is still a little ridiculous and degrading that people have to resort to that.

 

[etherealgoddess]

I would love to know the reasons some of us keep going and pushing forward. In my case there's a part of me that still remains somewhat hopeful and believes things will get better and everything will turn out great. Another reason is my two cats, i already know someone that could take care of them, but i believe it would break their hearts to never see me again. And lastly i live in Spain so i don't have many options of CBT besides hanging, jumping from a tall building, jumping in front of a train and i don't know how easy would it be to acquire SN here in Europe, since i've read you need some sort of special license to order it. Of course i'm still considering CTB within the next two month if everything remains the same, i would need an absolute miracle to save me from actually doing it, but those are some of the reasons as to why i haven't done it yet.

Survival instinct, boyfriend, and family. The mind can really be the worst enemy... I feel like people say that I should be happy with all of the things that are fortunate in my life... being pretty, intelligent, having family, having a boyfriend, being well-off, etc... but I still manage to feel so depressed.

 

[sleepyturtle]

previously it was solely because i had no access to a reliable method i could obtain. now its because i want to try to be happy with my girlfriend. i think inevitably im going to ctb bc every time things get slightly better they end up getting much worse not long after... im kind of just waiting for my gf to give up on me.

 

[Viranamari]

Not a reliable way to die because most CTB methods are difficult for me to achieve. Even for hanging, I don't have a noose. Or slitting yourself, which is painful and unreliable. Jumping from a building is certainly a method, but every time I get close to doing it, my survival instinct interferes.

 

[EnvyTangerine]

I don't know why. Something's stopping me in the middle of my method.

 

[omgisthatashley]

I would love to know the reasons some of us keep going and pushing forward. In my case there's a part of me that still remains somewhat hopeful and believes things will get better and everything will turn out great. Another reason is my two cats, i already know someone that could take care of them, but i believe it would break their hearts to never see me again. And lastly i live in Spain so i don't have many options of CBT besides hanging, jumping from a tall building, jumping in front of a train and i don't know how easy would it be to acquire SN here in Europe, since i've read you need some sort of special license to order it. Of course i'm still considering CTB within the next two month if everything remains the same, i would need an absolute miracle to save me from actually doing it, but those are some of the reasons as to why i haven't done it yet.

Nobody can keep me from cock and ball torture B)

 

[Winry]

The only reason I'm still here is because I haven't been able to find a reliable source for SN. I've been trying so hard to hang on bc part of me thinks there's hope but not anymore. Just need SN now.

 

[Lysander]

lack of resources , my cat and dog, and fear of failing, mostly.

 

[mistake22]

There's the SI aspect then there's the lack of resources and finally my family. My mind tells me they would be happy but it turns around and says it would destroy them. I'm a very soft hearted person and to think of my little sister being left alone in the world with two bullies as her parents grinds my heart and stresses me out.