What's holding you back?

[Hope:-)]

The fear of death? Fear of pain? Having children, husbands, wives etc? It's not always immediately obvious what is holding us back. I found it heartening to realise that part of it for me is fear of failure. I just thought it was fear of pain. There's more I can do about fear of failure so that was a positive realisation for me. How about you? Also, have you also realised you had fears you didn't think you had?

 

[jodes2]

I'm a little bit fearful about SN, but the biggest thing holding me back is leaving my gf alone to deal with her grief over my death. At least she won't have to find my body

 

[Niirvana]

What stops me is the fear of pain and shame that my co workers know, I am not afraid of death. My method will be SN. There isn't a day in years that I don't think about this. The people at work have had enough of me, I want to resign and ctb in peace, I don't want them to find out

 

[outrider567]

Nothing is holding me back except my brother's illness, he's getting tests done to see if his lung cancer has spread to his brain

 

[Idiotic]

The anxiety of failing and getting brain damage, and leaving my gf all alone.
And getting woken up/found, getting woken up in the hospital, and all that shit

 

[FuneralCry]

The fact that suicide is difficult. We live in a world that makes it as hard for us to die as possible and there is the fear of failing ctb. If it was much easier to leave of course I would be long gone. I dislike existence very much and suicide would make so much sense for me. It would be ideal to just pass away in my sleep without having to plan a way to leave but unfortunately that isn't the reality.

 

[Mashedout]

There are loose ends to tie up first. I already learned how to SUFFER as the first step and can do so perpetually in this experience or whatever comes after most likely. Suffering will exist in any experience so it's mandatory to learn how to deal with it. Next I have to elevate my awareness to its highest level possible. I need to use the greatest invention this species created, the internet, to connect to global wisdom in order to stress test my perspective. I have yet to hear anyone anywhere counter my viewpoint from a position other than selfishness. Then the time will come to roll the dice and attempt transcendence.

Humanity is not the pinacle of how consciousness could manifest itself on the spectrum of all possibilites. This is not a 10/10 species or experience. Either this is all random and irrelevant or higher intelligence is watching our thoughts and actions here, but not in the typical religious sense. This place is so inherently flawed that the only sensible action is suicide. It's my belief higher intelligence is using this experience as some kind of awareness test to see who realizes this, if it exists at all. Can these half naked bipedal primates figure this puzzle out? I feel like I've covered the bases. Prepared for the worst, and am hopeful for the best.

 

[charlie7]

My mum and my brother. Their sadness would be immense

 

[assisted]

i can't figure out how to do it

 

[theboy]

SI and family

 

[hamvil]

I still cannot overcome the self preservation instinct. Tried to jump a few time but did not manage. I will hang out here for a while, maybe in a couple pf months I will be able to follow one of the methods discussed here or maybe I will find the courage to jump.

 

[iltloml]

Resourcing the drugs

 

[noone2]

Fear of pain and my parents... I live with them and they keep foiling my plans to die.

 

[actual_fox]

Mom would be sad.
No seriously; family mostly. I feel I am responsible for their happiness or sadness?? If it makes sense. They are all adults so I know It does not much sense. Also suicide is hard because SI.

 

[gimzero]

Some unfinished thinks the fiar of unkown aand i hope that chronic problems will do their job and send me away.

 

[Parsley]

Fear of pain, SI and loveones

 

[Fktw0rld]

Circumstances. Waiting on an outcome. Circumstances will make my decision. Until then, I patiently wait.

 

[SunshineAndSuicide]

Firstly, failure and having to live life with everyone knowing I really don't want to live. And secondly, I know the level of heartache my parents and sister will feel. They will never recover no matter how many reasons I state in a note.

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

Mostly my kids.

 

[Jimblue]

My husband. He has very difficult time at movement about this his mental illness. And I am still searching N.

 

[almaranthine]

My mom. My death would absolutely devastate her. I doubt I can hold out until her time comes though, so I suppose I am merely prolonging the inevitable.

 

[TheManIllNeverBe]

Fear of failing and becoming a vegetable (my preferred method is inert gas). The pain and suffering I will cause for my partner and our cats. I figure my partner understands my pain and will eventually get over it, but how do you explain that to a cat? I'm a huge animal person and they both adore me. I always feel like I've connected with animals better than humans. My parents are still alive too, and older... I know my mom would be pretty torn up about it. And finally I guess there's that glimmer of hope that I'm going to find my way out of this hole I've been in for 10+ years with my psych meds. That one day I'll wake up and things will be back to the "way they used to be." But every day, that hope gets smaller and smaller, and my resolve to stay alive gets less and less.

 

[Hope:-)]

Fear of failing and becoming a vegetable (my preferred method is inert gas). The pain and suffering I will cause for my partner and our cats. I figure my partner understands my pain and will eventually get over it, but how do you explain that to a cat? I'm a huge animal person and they both adore me. I always feel like I've connected with animals better than humans. My parents are still alive too, and older... I know my mom would be pretty torn up about it. And finally I guess there's that glimmer of hope that I'm going to find my way out of this hole I've been in for 10+ years with my psych meds. That one day I'll wake up and things will be back to the "way they used to be." But every day, that hope gets smaller and smaller, and my resolve to stay alive gets less and less.

You have damage from psych meds? I have that. It's the reason I'm here.

 

[TheManIllNeverBe]

You have damage from psych meds? I have that. It's the reason I'm here.

Yup. I was in a serious car accident back in 2011 that resulted in a mild traumatic brain injury and PTSD. It also kicked the anxiety and depression that I already had, and was medicated for, into overdrive. My doctor suggested that I start going to a psychiatrist, and that's when it all went to hell. I ended up on and off of a couple of dozen drugs over the next 10 years, including really heavy-duty stuff like antipsychotics, lithium, depakote, etc. Went through a few psychiatrists before I found one willing to help me wean off of most of the drugs and got myself reasonably stable by around 2018-2019. Then in 2020 the pharmacy changed suppliers for the generic of sertraline that I was taking, and it all fell apart again. I started getting violently angry after I'd take my dose. So my shrink did the exact wrong thing and had me cold turkey quit the sertraline, which threw me into a spiral of anxiety, panic, depression, insomnia, fatigue and brain fog that ended with me on more meds. And that's what I'm still digging out from currently.

 

[Hope:-)]

Yup. I was in a serious car accident back in 2011 that resulted in a mild traumatic brain injury and PTSD. It also kicked the anxiety and depression that I already had, and was medicated for, into overdrive. My doctor suggested that I start going to a psychiatrist, and that's when it all went to hell. I ended up on and off of a couple of dozen drugs over the next 10 years, including really heavy-duty stuff like antipsychotics, lithium, depakote, etc. Went through a few psychiatrists before I found one willing to help me wean off of most of the drugs and got myself reasonably stable by around 2018-2019. Then in 2020 the pharmacy changed suppliers for the generic of sertraline that I was taking, and it all fell apart again. I started getting violently angry after I'd take my dose. So my shrink did the exact wrong thing and had me cold turkey quit the sertraline, which threw me into a spiral of anxiety, panic, depression, insomnia, fatigue and brain fog that ended with me on more meds. And that's what I'm still digging out from currently.

This is what happened to me. Mine went on for 16 years. I'm sorry for your suffering.

 

[outrider567]

Fear of failing and becoming a vegetable (my preferred method is inert gas). The pain and suffering I will cause for my partner and our cats. I figure my partner understands my pain and will eventually get over it, but how do you explain that to a cat? I'm a huge animal person and they both adore me. I always feel like I've connected with animals better than humans. My parents are still alive too, and older... I know my mom would be pretty torn up about it. And finally I guess there's that glimmer of hope that I'm going to find my way out of this hole I've been in for 10+ years with my psych meds. That one day I'll wake up and things will be back to the "way they used to be." But every day, that hope gets smaller and smaller, and my resolve to stay alive gets less and less.

Inert Gas(Nitrogen)is pretty foolproof, as long as you do it correctly(EEBD hood,2000 PSI tank,99% Nitrogen with no leaks, big enough tank), see Greenberg on the Inert Gas exit Bag Mega Thread,he is the true expert on this, and he will put your mind at ease as to its reliability

 

[AliceTheGoon]

My problem is every time I've tried to improve my situation I've made things catastrophically and irreversibly worse. This seems like another one of those things.

 

[Anon1337]

The hope that my life might improve, though I never expect it to. The potential for pain or disability as a result has also held me back. I do not have access to a gun or powerful drugs which would greatly reduce the risk. My life could be a lot worse than it currently is and when it does get worse I will probably have enough will power to go through with it.

 

[Astral Storm]

Mostly the lack of available and peaceful methods. I wish it would be easier. The other one is the fear of failure. It would be devastating to fail, have brain damage and being forced to live too. Apart from this, I don't want to cause such pain and suffering to my family.

 

[Hollowillow]

FFear

The fear of death? Fear of pain? Having children, husbands, wives etc? It's not always immediately obvious what is holding us back. I found it heartening to realise that part of it for me is fear of failure. I just thought it was fear of pain. There's more I can do about fear of failure so that was a positive realisation for me. How about you? Also, have you also realised you had fears you didn't think you had?

Fear to be paralyzed if I fail, of pain, I cling to hope that someone will save me from outside harm... But they only want to blame me