Discussion Whats a ''what if'' that keeps you up at night ?

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[sserafim]

What if I fail ctb

 

[sadman710]

"What if X problem comes tomorrow? hopefully not. Just give me a bit more time to enjoy myself"
I feel like I'm watching a bunch of people firing arrows at me on a hill far away, with more and more gathering, and the shields to defend around me are wearing out, and I'm growing tired, trying to go into the forest, but eventually one is going to strike me.

 

[xoirse]

what if i shot myself in the head infront of my parents lol

 

[FuneralCry]

What if I'm trapped in this existence for decades longer. The thought of that terrifies me especially as there is literally no limit as to how much one can suffer in this meaningless, cruel and torturous existence. I'm so tired of being conscious and aware, really wish there's the option to just fall into an dreamless, eternal sleep.

 

[$crim]

what if i never lose weight and keep growing until im an immobile land whale

 

[billie]

What if I fail ctb

What if I don't fail ctb

 

[blueming]

What if Nietzsche's eternal recurrence is real and I'm doomed to relive every single agonizing moment in this unbearable, meaningless existence over and over again forever?

 

[ClaudeCTTE]

"What if I had never existed?"

I always ask myself this question every day, as sometimes I feel like I don't contribute anything to my family other than being present. My brothers, on the other hand, finished college and help my parents in various ways.

Sometimes I wonder how my family would have been if I had never existed.
Perhaps my family would save quite a bit of money on the gifts I received, on my travel tickets to other places, on my useless education, on the sweets they bought me, on the toys they bought me, on my therapies, on my medications, on my future funeral, etc...

On the other hand, perhaps my mother wouldn't have anyone to spend alone time with, my brothers wouldn't have someone to play video games with or talk to...

Sometimes I don't want to think about these things because they make me doubt more whether I really want to CTB...

 

[Ksmиda]

What if I won't be happy, even in death?

 

[Malaria]

What if certain things never improve and are only going to get worse from now on? What if the best times have long been gone and are never coming back? What if I never achieve my dreams?

 

[Silent_cries]

What if nobody is ever going to love me again after all the horrible things I've done in the past?
What if I'll never be able to keep myself together and control my anger and emotional outbursts and shit so that I'll never be able to get out of the horrible situation I'm in?
What if I'll never be able to ctb or get any relief no matter how horribly I'm doing?
What if I'll experience exruciating anxiety none stop every day for several weeks or even months again?
What if this or that will trigger my anxiety?
What if my ctb will fail or I'll be prevented from being able to ctb?
What if I'll always be a monster?
What if that horrible person I used to be in the past is actually who I am and I'll keep ruining ppls lives for as long as I'm alive?

I could go on and on, I have so many! >_<

Despite all of this I somehow still sleep fine at night, but it sure keeps my pulse racing during the day. >_<